How can a man miss 14 years of a behavior pattern???????? SMH
I shall title this "The War of the Red Sauce"
I've been with DH for 14 years, married for 8 of those. When we got together SS was 4. The first few years were hell in many ways, but there was a WAR when it came to food. Whining, sobbing, sliding off his seat, bawling, screaming, refusing to eat.... IT. WAS. WAR.
It was something DH and I argued and fought about constantly. We made it through.
Fast forward to more modern times, and things are mostly better. SS is now 17, but the food war didn't really end until last year. Even at 16, we dealt with huffing, sighing, rolling eyes, moaning, and eating with horrible sour expressions. Finally that has ended.
Tonight- I want spaghetti and meatballs. SS has ALWAYS said he absolutely HATES spaghetti sauce. Except if his sister makes spaghetti he will eat the fuck out of it. If I make it... NO WAY. (BTW- It's the same sauce... we use jarred sauce.) Instead he will have butter and noodles and make mournful faces to everyone at the table.
So tonight, this exchange occurs:
DH: "SS can have his with butter instead, he doesn't like spaghetti sauce."
ME: " You do know that he eats the shit out of it if SD makes it, right?"
DH: "Yeah, you've told me that and so has she. I believe you."
ME: "Well, you know this is just a power play then, right?"
DH" "What do you mean a power play? Why is him not eating the sauce YOU make a power play?"
ME: "Are you kidding me? Food has always been a power play with him. Especially MY food. I know it's not personal, he would have done it to whatever woman you chose to date, but it has always been his power play."
DH: "I have no idea what you mean, we've NEVER HAD A POWER PLAY OVER FOOD"
FUCKING SERIOUSLY?????????? This has NEVER. OCCURRED. TO. HIM.
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I wouldn't try to convince
I wouldn't try to convince your DH of your SS' motives. He is probably wearing rose tinted daddy goggles which could have prevented him from seeing this. But your DH doesn't seem to be missing anything, based on your script, he seems to be deliberately arguing with you and refusing to validate your feelings. After all, you're pointing out negative characteristics of his son.
I do agree with you, this is absolutely a power play. Kind of sad, since he's now 17 and supposed to be preoccupied with cars and dating girls, and other typical teenage stuff. Yet he still has to be a big baby about the whole thing with his dad getting remarried. Be nice if your SS decided to grow up a little and finally get over the fact his dad got remarried.
There are times....and I had
There are times....and I had a time last night.....where you really want to bitch slap your hubby.
And yes...this would be one of those times.
Skid (SD19) has been pulling
Skid (SD19) has been pulling the same shit for years. H recognizes it but still falls for it every time. When I see it happening, I warn him and he tells me EVERY SINGLE FRICKING TIME......no...this time it WILL be different.
Sigh. It never is......
I think there is a piece of every parent that wants to believe their shitty kids will change. The same piece that's in every kid that believes their shitty parent is wonderful.
Children bio or step have
Children bio or step have been using food as a power play for centuries. How do men just not know this?
Because, all in all, it's
Because, all in all, it's more good than bad. Most of the true food wars were years ago. It's just the remnants of the occasional issues. It's been a year since any serious eye rolling, sighing, moaning, and eating with expressions like he's going to die right there.
We have the Skids 24/7 and have for years. Most all the issues are over now. I'm just fascinated that my DH has this magic ability to forget. Every day must be groundhog day.
Most of the time to food
Most of the time to food issues are fine now, so I am not about to start WW3 over nothing. If the little shit wants butter, he can have butter. I don't care.
I am just flabbergasted that my DH could be so clueless to recognizing that YES this is a dynamic and has been a dynamic for MANY MANY years.
It's like every single situation was a "one time" thing to him, despite it happening 300 out of 365 days a year!!!!
When we were talking about it being a power play, and he insisted it was not, I asked him point blank- If he will eat her pasta but not mine, what OTHER REASON can you think of other than a power play? *crickets*
" If the little shit wants
" If the little shit wants butter, he can have butter. I don't care."
Pasta al burro
But of course if that's how you planned to serve your pasta, he wouldn't like that either.
Meh, I actually disagree with
Meh, I actually disagree with the power play thing. Because your SS17 was ME at that age
I did this same exact shit when I was a kid. Complained about something at every meal, hated veggies, would make a big to do about having to eat them, if my milk got the slightest bit "warm" I would bitch and moan about that, and I too used to dislike a particular spaghetti sauce.... and I didn't have a step mother. This was my mother who had to deal with this horse crap for 18 years. I LOVE spaghetti, it has always been one of my favorite meals, but I really have never cared for my mother's spaghetti sauce. She actually used to make it home made, in the crock pot, it would cook for hours, smelled great, BUT I just wasn't feeling it. I would ask to have noodles and butter instead.
I KNOW I wasn't power tripping my mother, I was just a finicky eater and I let everyone know it. I STILL am a finicky eater. I have major issues with texture, taste etc.
oh and p.s just remember that Karma is a little bitch! My BS5 is the pickiest, little eater around. He is maddening... the hell I put my mother through at the dinner table for 18 years is now my very own hell.
LMAO! Breakfast at Daizy's!
LMAO! Breakfast at Daizy's!
BS5 actually had oatmeal today! (of course he added about 12 pounds of brown sugar to it after I went upstairs to get ready, but whatever.. he ate his oatmeal lol)
Yeah, my mother was WELLLL done fighting with me about food my age 17. I swear to God, this would be our conversation every single day after school:
Mom: Daizy can you please set the table for dinner?
Daizy: Yeah, but what's for dinner?
Mom: I'm not telling you because you're just going to stick your nose up at it no matter what and I don't want to listen to it.
Daizy: {dramatic child eye roll}
But the difference would be
But the difference would be that she uses spag. sauce from a jar - kid refuses it and "hates" red sauce when she makes it. Then his sister will use exact same sauce from a jar and the kid loves it.
THAT IS a power play.
LOL! Sounds like my DH
LOL! Sounds like my DH fighting with our bios about eating! Maybe they are having a "power play" with Dad, I don't know and I don't care. I REFUSE to make dinner time War Time though. I make what I want for dinner and put it on the table (although I'll put sauces on the side so people can choose whether to have sauce). That's what we got, kids, eat it or don't. If you try a bite (a REAL bite) and don't like it then you can have cereal.
No other options, no discussion. DH sometimes forgets this and tries to argue with them, and it sort of makes me crazy. "BS2! Eat your dinner! No desert unless you eat some potatoes!" "BS5! You can't have anything else, just eat what your mother made!" (He doesn't yell at BD2, but she's an amazing eater. She'll pretty much eat whatever you give her and she loves vegetables!) Here's my personal favorite, and one I almost had a fit over: "BS5! You only ate one piece of pizza! You can't have ice cream unless you eat more pizza!" I almost killed DH, I swear to god. HE is the one engaging in a total power play there. "Eat your junk food or you can't have more junk food!" What the actual fuck?!?
Anyway, if he'll eat the exact same sauce if your SD heats it up, then it probably is a power play. But at least it's over! Don't engage if he starts that crap (why would you care what he does or doesn't eat?) and roll your eyes at your DH.
You know, I have a bio son 15
You know, I have a bio son 15 who is very difficult about food. Food wars describes it pretty well, and I feel for you, they are beyond annoying, even if it is my own child. But with teens... Why continue to fight? The less attention is paid to his foibles, the better. I know there is a biological reason for my son's difficulties, sensory integration dysfunction, etc, but right now there is no way I will engage in the discussion of whether he really needs to take all the carrots out of his bowl of chicken soup. I have reached my limit.
He can eat with everyone at the table or he can sulk and make himself a sandwich but I am not adding any more fuel to those flames. He is not going to starve so I don't really care. My cooking is fine, I get compliments when I cook for friends. Disengage from the power struggle and enjoy your meatballs. I am sure they are delicious.