How do I go on vacation with an unappreciative, mean, hurtful step daughter?

I posted a blog regarding my 17-year-old stepdaughter and I's situation. I got a lot of response to disengage. This is very fresh for me with the disengagement because it's only been a few days. Which is actually starting to help ease some of the hurt. Thank you for those who gave me positive responses.

Our situation is that she recently told me that she cannot appreciate me after throwing a huge party at our house and destroying things. I asked her why she didn't care. She said her feelings about me are numb and I am whatever to her. She has mother issues. Which I understand but it does not mean that she can disrespect our household. Her father did punisher for the crime.

Well in October we are going to go out of state for vacation for seven days. Few of those days she will be spending with some family members. The rest of the time it's going to be with her father and I.

I need advice on how to be around somebody who is disrespectful and hurtful? I can't completely ignore her. I don't want to cringe every time she talks. I don't want to be passive aggressive and say mean things to her. I am to figure out how not to make this miserable for any of us and to keep my sanity.

I don't want to stay at home because this is our anniversary trip also it's our last family vacation because she will be going off to college next year.

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Can you stay home and not go?

Can you stay home and not go? Take a vacation by yourself or with a friend instead?

Would be my suggestion too.

Actually this is our last

Actually this is our last family vacation together because she will be going off to college next year. Also it's our anniversary and we are spending those few days at a resort just for us too.

He respects the fact that I

He respects the fact that I am disengaging. He of course wants us to all get along and enjoy the vacation.

Funny but I don't think

Funny but I don't think alcohol is the answer.

He talks with her. He tells

He talks with her. He tells her that I do a lot of things for her. He tells her she can not disrespect our household for example like throwing a party and destroying property. He takes charge and disciplines her.

My DH does the same thing.

My DH does the same thing. It's amazing how he is supposedly a very skilled parent when I'm not around yet seems to not even notice what goes on unless I say something. He says the last time he talked to SD about leaving messes she said my kids left messes all the time and it wasn't fair to expect her to clean up and not expect them to. He claimed he told her we have the same expectations of them as I do of her and that just like he talks to her in private, I talk to my kids in private. I had to laugh at that one. I'm not at all shy about telling my kids when they aren't meeting expectations. SD just doesn't know that because when she is there she NEVER leaves her room.

He will call her out in front

He will call her out in front of me. Especially regarding the situation. He told her you know she's done a lot for you. I think that she needs to stop doing good things for you because apparently you can't appreciate them.

It sounds like he is trying

It sounds like he is trying to convince her she should like you instead of setting clear expectations. Trying to make her feel guilty won't work. He should be saying "You are being disrespectful and I won't tolerate it."

How would you treat someone

How would you treat someone you have to work with but can't stand. Keep it business like. Have fun doing the things you like. Going with her doesn't mean you have to spend extra money on her or that you have to gush all over her. Polite but reserved would be the best option. Take joy in the time you are going to spend with your DH.

Good advise ... Thank u!!!

^^^^^^ This This is my vote.

^^^^^^
This

This is my vote.

You're right she can't

You're right she can't control her. I went with DH and SD on a vacation once. It was a family reunion we had a group of cabins, each family had their own. We would meet up for a pitch in dinner each night but have the days to do what we wanted.

The entire drive there, SD interrupted every time DH and I tried to talk. Unless the discussion was about her she was not happy.

The first night of the trip me and my SILs were relaxing and drinking martinis. I was a more than a little tipsy when we returned to our own cabin. DH and I went to bed and closed the door. I was apparently very giggly. The next morning I got up to make breakfast and found a note. SD had gotten up in the middle of the night to tell us how disrespectful we had been by laughing and carrying on while she was in the same cabin. I was very annoyed and embarrassed.

Later in the day DH and I were discussing dinner. He asked what we were bringing to the pitch in and I told him that I had discussed with SILs and was making chicken enchiladas. I had already been to the market to pick up what I needed. SD started whining saying, no one asked me what I want and she didn't want that. She wanted chicken tacos. DH asked if I had enough to make chicken tacos too. I replied that there was not enough chicken, there are several other ingredients I don't have AND his brother was making tacos. SD starts stomping her feet and screaming she hates me. It escalated and she ended up having her mom drive all the way there to get her.

That's funny rising2

I disengaged this summer for

I disengaged this summer for the first time. I stayed home with my dogs and DH took SD19 and SD13 to the beach for three nights instead of an entire week. Those were three very restful nights, without the Skids in the house. I simply told DH that I wasn't going to go, wasn't interested, that it wouldn't be a vacation for me. I can understand that you want to go because it's your anniversary. You also say that SD17 will be off to college next year. Will she be home during the summer? I would suggest sending her to camp for a week this time around in light of what's happened between the two of you, whether it be horseback riding, arts, dance, hiking, whatever it is that she used to enjoy when she was younger. Kids these days are so engrossed in cell phones an computers and they never just go and "do" things anymore. It may be tough to get your husband on board with this, but I would NOT suggest the three of you going away together. You will be miserable if she opens her mouth. You will be miserable if she stays quiet. You will be miserable because of her mere presence. It's no vacation when a SK is there. Ship her off somewhere else. You and DH need some quality time. There's always next year for a vacation, but trust me, turning "18" doesn't magically make your skid grow up and behave. Neither does 19. You get my drift....

~ Moon