Stepdaughter sleeping in my bed
I believe that my step daughter is old enough to sleep alone. She's 4 yrs old and I have told my man that the little girls should NOT sleep in our bed as this is our space. I just believe that couples should have some alone time especially when it's time for bed. We have talked to her about sleeping in her own bed and the last couple nights she has been in our bed and it just upsets me that we discussed that no kids sleep with us. she knows how to butter him up and everything we have decided is dismissed n she continues to sleep with us because he allows her to. I just feel that what I say doesn't matter.
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^^^ exactly this. Co-sleeping
^^^ exactly this.
Co-sleeping is the worst! My nieces co-sleep with their mom and its terrible. The oldest who is 10 just started sleeping on her own and the 6 year old still sleeps with her mom.
Kids are not allowed in my bedroom either. Ever. If im in the room and SD needs to talk to me, she stands outside the door.
That is your room and your bed and you have a right to decide who sleeps in it. Put your foot down, and as the poster above said, tell him he can go sleep in another room.
I would tell him before bed
I would tell him before bed tonight one last time how you feel about this (It is a rule in my house to that kids sleep in their own beds). If she comes in tell her that she needs to go back to her room. If HE doesn't get up and take her back or shoots you down tell them both the get the hell out of your bedroom and do not stop saying that until they do. He can go sleep in her bed if he is do dead set on sleeping with her, you get the big bed to yourself!
Co sleeping with your own
Co sleeping with your own child is an issue that I feel strongly "to each it's own" on. Co-sleeping with someone else's child, I feel, is highly inappropriate.
I will say, there are exceptions. My bios have been known to crawl into my bed if they had a bad dream or were sick or something, these were rare occurrences, as a one time thing I usually just let them fall back asleep and carried them back to their bed. They were also very young at the time. If at 4 years old this is the regular behavior, it's asking for long term trouble.
I agree with all of what you
I agree with all of what you just said. I co-sleep with my LO and did so with my son when he was little - it's easier when breastfeeding. I also have no problem with all of us cuddling up together from time to time - but these are my children with my husband.
If I had children with someone other than my husband, I wouldn't do it. DH and I actually had this problem with his daughter - I do not want somebody else's child in my bed, made me uncomfortable. He didn't really fight me on it though after I voiced my displeasure.
Agreed. Our BS4 sleeps in
Agreed. Our BS4 sleeps in his own bed, but usually 4-5 nights a week, he wakes up at some point in the wee hours of the morning and comes and gets into bed with DH and I. I honestly don't mind it and neither does DH. but to have a child that is NOT mine sleeping in my bed? I think that is highly inappropriate and I would NEVER allow it whether I was the BM or the SM.
After re-reading my comment I
After re-reading my comment I want to add a little advice. Yes, I think it's inappropriate but obviously so do you or you wouldn't be posting so sorry if the initial comment wasn't very helpful.
It wasn't a co-sleeping issue, but at one point in time, one of my kids went through a phase where they just didn't want to go to sleep. "can I have water, I should brush my teeth again, what time is it, what day are we going to do xyz, mommm! MOMMM! etc. What made a huge difference was spending about $25 on a dream light, glow in the dark stars, a lava lamp and a fan. The noise helped a lot, and the lights just made it cool, he wanted to turn off the light so he could see all of his glow in the dark stuff.
Since this is an ongoing issue, it will not be resolved in one night. I would suggest a little bribery on your part- DH will see that you made an effort to make SD more comfortable in her room and might help with how important this is to you, SD will have some cool stuff to look forward to (make her keep the stuff in her room, don't let her bring the dream light into your room) and she might have a little incentive.
Since this is an ongoing
Since this is an ongoing issue, it will not be resolved in one night.
^^^ THIS. I think it is unfair to the child to expect this to be resolved in ONE night. It is a habit of a 4 YO that her PARENT has encouraged and it gently needs to be broken.
I would suggest a little bribery on your part- DH will see that you made an effort to make SD more comfortable in her room and might help with how important this is to you, SD will have some cool stuff to look forward to (make her keep the stuff in her room, don't let her bring the dream light into your room) and she might have a little incentive.
^^^ And THIS.
We battled this issue as
We battled this issue as well. I think single parents are more likely to think that 'co-sleeping' is ok. I knew that DH slept with SD when we met (she wasn't 2 yet). I allowed it at my house for a short time until she got used to being there and then I told him she was getting a toddler bed that would be at the end of our bed. It was a battle since BM allowed co-sleeping at her house with her BF for way too long.
Now at 6, we had to give up overnights because she still wouldn't go in her room and sleep alone. There was too many tantrums and screaming at all hours of the night.
Our bio son is 3, has slept in his room alone since 4 months and we have absolutely no issues putting him to bed, or keeping him in his room. 'Co-sleeping' is the stupidest thing a parent can ever do to a child.
Teach independence and leave your bedroom and bed for you and your DH.
I would be sleeping on the
I would be sleeping on the couch or the guest room. This is inappropriate, they are not your children. I don't understand why BM wouldn't have a problem with it. If my son was sleeping in the same bed as his SM, I would be having a freak out on the dad.
Very inappropriate.
I don't know...I'm torn on
I don't know...I'm torn on this one. I married DH when skids were 10, 12, 14...so thankfully co-sleeping was never an issue. I'm sure I would have hated it.
But 4 is so little. And I do co-sleep with my niece and nephews (of course, it's only on special occasions) and I really love it. I'm sad that they'll grow out of it and not want to pretty soon. Oldest already has for many years (just turned 13, hasn't co-slept since about 7).
But yeah...it sucks to be a stepparent and have this be a thing. I get that.