So I sort of called SS a Dick. In front of DH. Uh oh.
Actually, I said he was ACTING like a dick, but DH says they are basically the same.
SS16 decided to get all huffy and full of attitude this evening at dinner over a perceived slight. I stated a fact that he took to be a "racist comment". (We were taking about social norms, and I commented that normalcy can not be judged by a single individual because what one person perceives as normal is abnormal to another, and used the example that "in Vietnam some people eat dogs". We are huge pet lovers so to us, that is deeply abnormal. I see this as statement of cultural fact, not racism)
SS16 tried to pull the "I'm going to my room" stunt and leave the table in a huff. DH told him to sit right back down. SS16 stood still and thought about it and then quietly said "no." DH physically SAT SS16 back down in his chair and told him he didn't get a choice and he would stay at the table. DH reiterated that what I said was fact and not insulting or degrading to anyone, and that speaking of varying cultural norms is simply discussion, not judgement. Much melodramatic teen attitude and fist clenching ensued, including him telling DH that he wanted to punch him in the face. My personal feeling is this now had very little to do with the comment I had made, and a lot more to do with the fact that DH just suddenly backed me up in a situation where he normally would have kowtowed to SS16 and let him storm off and leave me being the bad guy.
SS16 was yelling and clenching his fists and pounding them on the table, and lo and behold my fat mouth busts out with "And you don't need to be acting like such a DICK!!!!"
DH of course was not happy that I called his precious a bad name, but meh..... the kid is 16. He was acting like a dick. My feeling is honestly, if you are going to act like a dick you need to own being called out on acting like a dick.
Of course stern lecture from DH followed... even though in the past he has slapped SD across the face and called her a "f*cking b*tch" to her face and worse. But I'm the bad guy for saying "you don't need to be acting like such a dick".
Meh, I'm not feeling like being too hard on myself.
And of course now all DH is worried about is "What will BM doooooooo????" Because everything is about not upsetting BM.
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Comments
I think you worded it just
I think you worded it just right myself.
There is a difference in not liking the behaviour and not liking the person - kinda the same thing in my book.
You did NOT say ss was a dick - you said his behaviour was "dick-ish"
Very different things.
And he's 16 - not 10. Big difference.
Would it be wrong to say that
Would it be wrong to say that your DH also acted like a dick for telling you not to call sd that? At 16, with that attitude, I'll bet he's been called worse.
*(Still not calling him a dick, just his behavior)....
Wow, kudos to you I think
Wow, kudos to you
I think you did just what any normal human mom would have done, step child or bio. But ya, if I'd have called ss16 a dick in any situation ss16 would have stormed off and dh would have lectured me, and I would not have cared much. I think at times we are a lot easier on the steps b/c we don't want to piss off bm, we don't want to piss of dh, we want to keep things calm in the home, etc.
i've told bd18 to stop acting
i've told bd18 to stop acting like a bitch before. i don't think she is emotionally scarred from it. if she's being a bitch, i'll tell her. just like she would tell me. dh does realize that the rest of the world doesn't care what bm thinks and will call his out, right?
There is a HUGE world of
There is a HUGE world of difference between telling a 6 year old he's acting like a dick and telling a 16 year old he's acting like a dick!!! I think I would have said worse in that situation. Your DH CLEARLY understood that his kid was being a dick by his reaction to it, so what the hell is his problem with you saying it?!? The kid was being a little asshole.
I tell FDH that I think SD16
I tell FDH that I think SD16 is a little bitch. He gets pissed but a spade is a spade- I call it like it is