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BMs calling our kids half-siblings to their kids

Anon2009's picture

Dh and I have been contemplating adopting. Bm isn't involved too much but I fear she may start saying things like that. I don't see SDs buying it, but you never know. What do you think about BMs calling our kids half siblings? To me, it's rude and unnecessary. There's enough division in this world. However, maybe these same women also call their prior/subsequent kids half siblings to our sks.

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step off already's picture

I'm expecting a child soon with DH. My kids refer to the baby as their sister alreeady.

BM has already told SS13 that the new baby is not his blood and is nothing to him. Very nice, indeed.

I'd be happy if she could bring herself to admit the truth - half sister.

BSgoinon's picture

We don't use the "step" word in our house. Our kids have lived as siblings since they were 1,1 and 3, they are now 9,9 and 11. They are brother and sister. BM tried to enforce the whole "they are your STEP sisters" when SS was little. He didn't buy in to it. Those are his sisters. Whether she likes it or not, those are his sisters. I say just stand firm in your ways at your home, and pay no mind to her foolish attempts to enter herself in to your family. Kids are smart, they can tell who is being the A-hole most of the time.

myspoonistoobig's picture

I use the word step when referring to SS around others, but he and sisters are just that and nothing more.

Calling it like it is with him and I seems like polite boundaries to me.

step off already's picture

I have to admit that I do have a hard time calling SS13 the "brother" of my three children - his step sibs.

I need to work on it though as I hear the kids refer to themselves as brothers and sisters as is, so I'm the one that needs to get with the program on that one.

myspoonistoobig's picture

For some reason that was never the problem.

Though lately my daughter has started testing to see if she can call me the nickname he calls me. It is not making me a happy camper. Sad

LaMareOssa's picture

DH and I never use the phrase "Half brother/sister" when talking to/about DD7, DS4, or SD11. My MIL uses the term often when talking to the kids, but it's due to the situation. I think a lot of people use it for two reasons: 1. For clarity. 2. To define the situation/let it be known that the children are only "half" related. Fool

realitycheckmom's picture

I am a skid and when I was little my maternal grandparents always called us brothers and sisters. My mom and stepdad did too. My stepfather's dad called me his granddaughter, his mother used to and now I am nothing. She was very rude and announced to everyone at Christmas that she only had x amount of grandkids and then named them to make sure that everyone knew she wasn't forgetting the ones that were not there. She only left me out. When she first met my DD it was her great granddaughter, now nothing. My stepfather says DD is his granddaughter and proudly shows her off and hangs out with her. We have a workable relationship.

ETA: my parents treated my skid like another grandchild and skid called DD his sister even though they were steps. DD is too young to know better but she has a good attitude about it and he was her brother.

smomof2's picture

I'm terrified BM will try to do something like that, especially since she continues to refer to me as the outsider.
Both DH and I grew up in blended families and we don't make distinctions between our siblings. My sister and I have same mom and dad, our brothers from dad and SM are our brothers-that's it! It's sad when I hear others refer to their siblings as "half-brother" or "half-sister".

step off already's picture

I also have half-sibs, but they've always been referred to as my siblings, so that's what they are.

My sitch is a little different since my Dad raised me due to my mom being in an accident. He also would refer to my SM number 4 who was only 7 years older than I was) as my Mom - not immediately, but we are now 26 years down the road and I just refer to her as my mom now as well. Unless of course people look at us funny because we are close in age, then she will refer to me as Dad's or "our" oldest daughter.

The parents set the tone and it eventually sticks.

Shaman29's picture

DHs kid refers to her little sisters as her little sisters. They each have their own father.

One of our aunts once referred to my older sister as my half sister. I looked at my aunt and said "No...I'm pretty sure she's not missing any parts."

cgreb's picture

I don't think anything is wrong with explaining that they are half siblings or step. However, I think I would leave it up to the children to decide if they refer each other as half or step. Smile
My personal opinion. I have 2 blood brothers, a half brother, and a half sister. I know we're half... but It's my choice to call them my brother and sister without putting half in front of it.

chokinonlemons2u's picture

The RiceSlinger told the skids once that they were REAL brother and sister. And REAL family, that DHs other two children were not REALLY their siblings. Wtf.

HungryEyes's picture

Ugh yes. Please don't use the term half. I mean you can't control BM but I was the 'half' sister in a family and my younger sisters were so confused that they always called me 'fake sister' which was really hurtful as a child.

chokinonlemons2u's picture

Sad my skids asked if their little brother was a "fake" brother too after their mother filled their heads with crap.

chokinonlemons2u's picture

My husbands ex works as a waitress in Asian restaurants and everytime she acts like she is a genius and gives DH a hard time my brother in law says " Tell ----- to shut up and sling more rice."

One day he said that as I was reading Stephen Kings The GunSlinger. That day The RiceSlinger was born. Lol