So tired of having every visitation become a fight
My SS 13 is going through a phase... basically he doesn't want to be at our house and when he's here he's in his room the entire time unless there's food.
He got in trouble at school and has to go to one of those continuation schools for a month... basically he was caught smoking weed in the bathroom and they told his BM it was either that or Juvie... because he gets in fights ALOT
every single visitation weekend it's the same thing. He asks to stay at his moms.. then he asks if he can leave early... then he asks 5-6 times what time we are leaving on the day we are supposed to take them back.
I told my husband I am not missing out on time with SS 9 just because he wants to leave. He said it again just now and I so badly just wanted to tell him to stay at his moms and I'll just pick up his brother.
I know he is smoking weed with his step dads kids.. but she still somehow blamed his disrespectful behavior on us... how? No idea
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A BM blaming a bio Dad for
A BM blaming a bio Dad for the problems that mom has clearly created all by herself? Right out of the High Conflict BM's playbook. As I recall, you also drew a short straw in the 'worst of the StepTalk BM' lottery since yours is also a roaring racist.
Your elder SS sounds like he's headed directly for Juvie in the not so distant future; no surprise there. Picking up the younger fellow and leaving the troublemaker at home sounds like an excellent idea. Downside being that when the young thug becomes an older thug, Ms. Racist BM will dump him on your doorstep. Poor you!
What to do? As Harry often suggests, start saving for legal fees.
Tell BM you want to be child-centred
and respect the young man's wishes. He's old enough to decide he doesn't want relationship with his father, and you're going to respect that and leave him to continue damaging his brain with weed at BM's. He can reach out when he's sober and ready.
Some kids are beyond salvage from going into the system.
Better sooner than later IMHO.
We have good friends who have had to put all three of their boys into the system. Two resulted in dissolution of adoption. The youngest is day to day.
Sometimes what is best is full accountability andfull emersion in their earned consequences. Rather than coddling and mitigating consequences, they need big assertive authoritarian dominating disciplinarians to keep a foot to the kid's ass and keep them in line, making sure they keep their cell clean, they follow the lock in school rules, etc, etc, etc.....
Just be careful
BM playbook saids . When her parenting caused '''SS to hit his BM. ''' BM will try to dump SS on you full time. You know worthless BF to handle a mess BM created. This will cause hell for you and your marriage will not survive. DH must understand his DS made his choice, made his mess, he will have to pay for it. Not you. SM IS ALWAYS WORNG you have nothing to gain.