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Feels like it's always me

Kisanmisme2's picture

SD17 and SS15 are on CO for visitation EOW and vacation time. The 2nd time they gave us a revised schedule of when they are going to visit this summer and we discussed it then. SD17 is very high maintenance and to get him to set some kind of schedule for the year and give us notice( not changing weekly) I make him take the day off when she is here. I thought this would deter him from allowing them to come over whenever. We live in an apartment, they are almost adults and I think giving notice to come visit is respectful. Anyways he took the days off but I am going to hide in my room. She changed the plans again and is now coming for 2 more days. I flipped. Am I always going to feel this way? So annoyed by everything his children do and his why do you care anyways attitude (like nothing they do phases him) why does it bother me? They are able to make plans to do everything else... but our time is expendable. I don't think I can do this anymore. The children have become triggers to me and I can't help it.  I've only been married a year, together for 5, but each new situation presents different turmoil and it's not looking like it will ever end. 


hereiam's picture

Your husband is just as disrespectful as they are.

When my DH was to have his daughter in the summer, he always discussed it with me, he did not just make decisions about that on a whim.

Rags's picture

Lather............. rinse.............. repeat.

If it bothers you, end it.  Tell them when you are available for them to visit.  Regardless of what your DH has to say about it.

Always start that conversaiton with... "My home, I say when we have visitors.  You do not live her alone." Then hand him a calendar with dates circled on it and tell him... "They can come for two days as stipulated on the calendar."

End of discussion.

Cover1W's picture

I've fought this for several years and this summer?  Who finds out the schedule LAST.  Moi.

I told DH it was ridiculous as I couldn't have input and now he and I have zero vacation time together since YSD will be with us pretty much the entire month of August. Oh, our anniversary? YSD is here, no weekend away. Oh, no, I've got plans with girlfirends for the next few weekends DH and I will have the car. My plans are on the calendar and you'll have to work around them....

simifan's picture

Don't hide in your room. Go out - anywhere. Go to the movies, a friends, the starbucks, out shopping. It will make a far deeper impact. If you are home - your safe. If you are out - He will be wondering what you are doing.