Do you ever just want to..
Run away and quit being a step-parent? Grab up your bio kids and leave and never come back? Do you ever want to move to a new place and change your name and never be able to be found?
I'm feeling pretty down and defeated today... I'm tired of being a stepparent. Tired of the disrespect and the hatefulness. Tired of being the scape goat. Tired of feeling like I'm wasting my life. Tired of not being able to go anywhere or do anything because no one wants to watch my SKID. Tired of feeling uncomfortable in my own home. Tired of not being able to give MY children love and attention because I'm too busy dealing with SKID and their meltdowns. Tired of no sleep because SKID wanders the house while I sleep. Tired of the court dates and the documentation and CPS and lawyers and therapists and counselors and medications. Tired of not being able to cook the food I like and others like in the house and want because SKID refuses to eat. Tired of feeling like I'm on the brink of a nervous breakdown every day. Tired of crying. Tired of praying. Tired of the arguments with my husband. Tired of worrying. Tired of trying. Tired of being told "You're going to just have to learn how to deal with SKID" and "You got married. You made a promise for better for worse". Tired of it all. Tired of everything. Tired.
SO. FREAKING. TIRED
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I went back and read your
I went back and read your previous blog and your SD being a little pervert in training would be a deal-breaker for me. I would not want to subject my bios to that and I would not want my bios living in the same household as a pervert and a brat with ODD. A kid with ODD is hell on earth and ODD always turns into something full blown as adults. Then there's your DH being a tool and not knowing how or just not wanting to parent his feral. No wonder you're so tired. I would go find a place and take my bios and move out pronto. Your bios should not have to sacrifice any of their mom for that little maniac. And no you do not have to "just learn to live with SD."
I think about it all the time
But I feel like I would be giving up and uprooting my oldest bio kid from their life... which in itself would cause more problems.
I know what you mean
During one of our many low periods, I seriously considered leaving and I had reasons galore, believe me. But my 2 bios were in an excellent school district, were finally settled after many moves and each had a good friend on our street. As I looked at possibilities, I realized I'd have to move to a more affordable area, the schools wouldn't be as good and my kids would be uprooted again.
I don't have any advice for you, just wanted to let you know I feel empathy and understanding for your situation.
I think about it all the time
But I feel like I would be giving up and uprooting my oldest bio kid from their life... which in itself would cause more problems.
Kids are resilient... you are
Kids are resilient... you are not obligated to keep yourself and your BIO in a toxic environment.
Besides... moving out is just that home.. that doesn't mean you necessarily have to leave the area.. have them change schools etc.. right?
I would think having a parent that is mentally healthy and living in a home with a positive environment would outpace any upheaval that moving would cause.
In steplife.. sometimes our end of the line answer is either we "deal with what the skids bring"... or we leave. If your spouse is not making an effort to limit the negative impact his kid has? it doesn't sound like he is being a good partner. Nowhere is it written that you need to never go anywhere with out his child.. or only cook what they like.. I would be done catering to them and given everything else.. it may be that leaving is your only option.
The only other place I could
The only other place I could go and afford to live would be out of our school's district.
Yes. But not specifically
Yes. But not specifically because of steplife. I mean that sucks sometimes (HCBM) but sometimes it's just regular relationships issues that make me think about it too. I just remind myself that 1. Its unrealtistic, even if I were to up and leave my life with DH, there's no way I would run away from my own kind and loving relatives who have always been there for me and have done nothing to deserve my cutting them off from me or my child. 2. It's a bad moment/situation, it doesn't encompass our whole relationship or family-there are so many more times that I love the life we have. 3. It's technically kidnapping and I've seen the life my stepchild live with two parents who are fighting (if I kidnap my bs from my dh, we would definetely be fighting to the death lol) and I don't want my child to see all of that and deal with that kind of burden. And lastly, running from my problems doesn't actually fix them and it isn't the most adult thing to do when facing conflict. So instead of fanatazing, I figure out what is bothering me about the situation, decide can I fix it, do I want to fix it, and if I can't go vent to someone who will give me advice or relate.
Yes
Obviously it would be kidnapping. Obviously I wouldn't do it. And fantasizing is about the only escape I have to put myself in a better place mentally.
OH NO
This sounds dang brutal.
You and your kids do not need this. Life is way too short being undervalued by the shitty steps.
Take your life back, its the only one you got.
Omg I can really feel you. I
Omg I can really feel you. I don't know what would I do being in your situation but you and your babies don't deserve to live like that, I had to read your previous blogs and I can't believe your SD behavior. I've been told a LOT of times the same from DH about our marriage and vows etc. but the only person who is doing nothing about is him. You are sacrificing your own children atenttion for someone that is not worthy. Sending you so much love.
My previous blogs do her no
My previous blogs do her no justice. She is much much worse than what I've posted. She's an angry aggressive manipulative "child" who lies about anything and everything and has no remorse for anything. I just can't even begin to tell what she's like. It wouldn't even dust the surface.
Our home is like a living nightmare I can't wake up from.
But I feel like I would be
But I feel like I would be giving up and uprooting my oldest bio kid from their life... which in itself would cause more problems.
------------------------
Bio kids are stuck. They cant pack UP and leave. I always say, if you want to figure this all out with dh PLEASE give your x, bio dad a call and let your child move to dads. Your child deserves better than this drama dont you think?
(((HUGS)))) Hang in there.
That's not an option. My
That's not an option. My oldest doesn't see their dad.
You really don't do your
You really don't do your children any favors by staying if you are that miserable. Also why is your SD in therapy and NOBODY is telling the therapist about her behavior with the other children?
I think it was more an
I think it was more an embarrassment thing from DH. Didn't want anyone to know what SD was really like. Including therapists.
His family views SD as an angel and that I'm just dramatic.. but sands are shifting. Sent SD to stay with MIL for a weekend and she reported that SD is much MUCH worse than she thought.
Girl, I DID!
Girl, I DID!
Well, most of it. I didn't change my name. And formerSO knows where I moved (I owned the house long before we became a couple). But igtfo because I felt like you, and like your husband, my SO would not make any changes and expected me to put up with BS and/or change.
Don't live your life unhappy and don't make your children's childhoods less than for this dumpster fire.
It’s not that
My DH tries to make her listen and follow rules and listen to me and not be just an overall little shit.. but the kid is a psychopath. She doesn't respond to anything positive or negative.
He and I have both tried to fix her/help her but she rejects anything and doesn't care that she gets in trouble.
He's doing what he can... but with a child like her it just isn't enough.
So he is "trying"... but same
So he is "trying"... but same result as my formerSO not doing anything - nothing changing for the better.
It's time for you to make change happen.
You might not be there yet, but one day you wil wake up and will not be able to spend one more minute/day/week like this and you will make change happen. Don't wait so long that your children resent their childhood because of her.