My adult step daughter hates me
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A couple of years ago I posted here about my step daughter. Well 8 years
have gone by and she still hates me.
Anywho, I told my husband to please talk to her and at least be civil with me. Well when he speaks to her I don't exist. She has not apologize Ed me or him and now he won't defend me.
I'm getting tired and don't know what to do.
^^^ This^^^ Really, if she is
^^^ This^^^
Really, if she is an adult, you can't MAKE her like you. BUT, you can tell your husband that if she can't be civil towards you, she is not welcome in the home.
Why would you want to see
Why would you want to see this person? I have not seen my adult OSD, in her 40's, in 19 months. Praise God, Hallelujah! Unless she is miraculously healed, I have no plans to ever see her again.
I have zero interest in my OSD apologizing to me because it would be forced and insincere. I want nothing more or less than for her to have an age appropriate relationship with her father that does not include me.
I think you may still be holding onto a dream of everyone blending, you're upset that DH is unable/unwilling to correct his daughter's behavior, or a combination of both. Your DH is afraid to correct her because she will tell him to take a frickin leap.
Anyone who doesn't value me has no spot in my life. Remove yourself physically from any involvement with SD; the emotional disengagement will eventually follow.
happy for you lamb. after
happy for you lamb. after two decades of marriage i know the skids will never accept me totally. i am just glad they dont live with dh and me anymore. thankful for that!
Full frontal assault and
Full frontal assault and total confrontation of toxic crap... That's what's has worked for me.
Inform DH that as your equity life partner/Husband he had damned well better step up and defend you against all threats including form toxic crap from his spawn or suffer the wrath of his wife.
I was thinking along the
I was thinking along the lines of an event or behavior that would cause harm or danger... primarily emotional rather than physical. From the perspective of her husband not tolerating his toxic spawn badmouthing or marginalizing his wife.
^^what Rags said^^
^^what Rags said^^
I have no idea if my DH's
I have no idea if my DH's adult son hates me. His live-in babymamma is furious that I have banned them after their home invasion. One day when I had to sign on to DH's FB to upload some stuff for him I saw her bitchy comments.
I so do not care. DH does not have to defend me. He just has to keep them 100% out of my life. And he's doing a pretty good job of it.
My 22 and 20 yr old SDs have
My 22 and 20 yr old SDs have hated me now for 15 yrs. Do I look bothered? I do not. I couldn't give a s**t what those two nasty individuals think of me. As others have said - just let it go and get on with your life. Unless this woman is civil to you in your own home I would certainly refuse to ever let her visit.
What a sad existence for her,
What a sad existence for her, being so hateful to a person who loves and supports her father. Can you imagine living like that?
I used to feel the same way about ss32 and DH wouldn't stand up for me either. I'm sure ss still hates me but I've stopped placing any value on his thoughts and feelings. He's entitled to be a hateful, mean and small person if that's what he chooses. On the rare occasion when our paths cross I give him a wide berth, mentally wish him well and move along.
You have the right to refuse
You have the right to refuse to allow anyone in your home who is disrespectful of you - and your DH should be informed he can meet her elsewhere. If you are lucky she will never apologize to you. Then you will not have to be bothered with her B.S. again. This is one form of disengagement. If you still want her to be allowed to enter your home, treat her as she treats you or as if she doesn't exist. This is another form of disengagement. What ever you choose, stop any dialog your are now having with DH about SD. If he brings her up just say, "Hmmm", and change the subject. It gets easier as time goes by.
"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." ~ Buddha
I'm in the early stages of
I'm in the early stages of disengagement - like, they don't really "get" it yet. Looking forward to having the stones (I'll wait tell they cause a fuss) and try to let them take the low road so I can take a high road attitude of,"Well, they are not welcome in my house." And I will let them know. ?Would a big sign at the end of the driveway be too much? j/k
No sign needed.
No sign needed. Disengagement does not mean taking a high road or a low rod - only that you expect mutually respective relationships. Give yourself a gift of creating boundaries.
Toxic Stepdaughter
I have two adult step-daughters; the younger with children very easy to get along with and I believe we genuinely like and respect each other. The older step-daughter is a different kettle of fish entirely. She has always been very prickly with me and just recently it has occurred to me that she is using me as a scapegoat for any family arguments/upsets and I'm wondering if she is bad mouthing me to her mother and sister and maybe the grandchildren. Will the truth out I wonder but in the meantime what damage is occurring? Its easy for me to step back from the older SD as I am not emotionally invested in her but it would upset me not to have a relationship with the younger SD and grandchildren who I've grown to love. Any ideas/thoughts on how to proceed from anyone out there? Blessings.
I have 4 SK's (SS33, SS29,
I have 4 SK's (SS33, SS29, SD25, SD21) all of whom kowtow to toxic BM, and only one of them regularly spends time with his father.
All four SK's and I have known about each other for almost four years. SD25 and SD21 refused to meet me. SD33 and SD29 wanted to hang out together with their father and I but BM, SD25, and SD21 talked them out of it.
I have now disengaged from all of them. I suggest that if they will not accept you (covertly or overtly), it is better to stay away from them. If people are so easily manipulated by siblings or BM against someone else, they are not worth it. IMHO.