Chores and Gaslighting

So, for the past couple of months, I'm the only one in my household who does chores. Cooking, cleaning, you name it, I do it. The newest thing my DH does is that instead of owning up to the fact that Skids are not doing anything around the house (which he does not require them to do-so not a huge "own up" involved), he tells me that they've cleaned something that I actually cleaned. Seriously?!

SloaneMichael's blog
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Well then you can stop doing

Well then you can stop doing them if they are doing such a great job!

Then when things fall apart, remain calm and continue to ignore the messes. It worked for me. I have a cleaning service come in every other month. DH pays half or more (if the shared bath needs cleaning) depending on the cleaning issue.

My Thought Exactly!

If they're doing so well, then I can take a break (or just get my other work done)!!

I don't know that getting a

I don't know that getting a housecleaner solves the problem, since a housecleaner doesn't do daily chore duties: cook, wash dishes, wash and fold laundry, etc.

I found the only way to change the laziness dynamic was: simply stop doing it. Let the mess pile up, let them have no clean dishes or cooked food. Only clean up after yourself.

In my case, it worked quickly: everyone pitched in when they saw the mess. But I was only dealing with mild kid (and DH) cluelessness and laziness, not malicious dysfunction. You'll see pretty quickly if they all dig in their heels to put you back "in your place" as their servant. Hope that gives you clarity on where you stand in your marriage :(.

A housecleaner doesn't solve

A housecleaner doesn't solve the day to day issues but all the mess goes along with others not helping with general house cleaning like vacuuming, dusting, scrubbing the floor and stove, cleaning bathroom, etc.

My housecleaner will do dishes if she's there and has cleaned the fridge for me too! In fact, I'm going to have her clean the fridge next time she's here. I think it depends on your cleaner.