27 Skids by 16 BMs?  Sounds like my Skid's Spermidiot.

When someone makes an off-hand comment that is meant to be positive, like "oh, you must be a great mom to those boys", I just smile. But if they keep pressing, I hint that it's not paradise. If they REALLY push it, I decide to overwhelm them with information.

Why yes! It HAS been lovely watching Eternal Teenager try to PAS the boys against my husband! And it was an absolute TREAT when we found out she had fraudulently taken out loans in DH's name and he had collections against him when we tried to buy a house! And when she cheated on XH#2 and kicked him out literally half a dozen times, causing YSS to become such an emotionally stressed mess that he wasn't sleeping and had chronic constipation and fits of rage? OH! Chef's kiss!

People tend to back away at that point, but those poor (dumb) souls who decide to double-down and say that if she were ACTUALLY that bad that my DH would have custody, I regale them with stories of my SF and his XW, who maintained full custody even though she stole every gift given to my SBro and sold it for cash for herself (even sold his clothes if SF bought him any). Or, how about tales of C'Tucky and how she was allowed, not once, but TWICE to be passed out drunk at home while her TODDLERS played by a busy intersection on a major road before family courts stepped in? Or, my poor realtor, who was working two jobs and got 49% custody (and had to fight for that) so he had to pay not just CS, but a higher amount of CS because his XW, WHO CHEATED ON HIM WITH THEIR NEIGHBOR WHO HELPED BABYSIT THEIR KIDS, didn't want to go back to work full-time even though she was offered it? Or the family friend whose XW moved to another county in the middle of the night to be with her REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER BF when their CO stated both parents had to remain living in the school district, and instead of giving custody to Dad who remained in the school district, the judge told Dad that if he wanted to maintain 50/50 that he'd have to drive his kids back and forth an hour to the new school she enrolled them in each day that he had them.

It's amazing how much people don't know and how much they don't want to know when you start spilling it all. If they want to make judgments or have opinions about my life, they better appreciate knowing the details. I love closing out these conversations with the phrase "well, you asked" just to remind them that they're inconsiderate a-holes for pushing a touchy subject I had already made clear wastouchy.

Yeah, i lost faith in our therapist yesterday when she said enmeshment between exes is "what's best for the kids so they can see their parents getting along and know they still love each other." She is young-ish and admits she has no personal experience with steps or exes. I said "what's best is for them to still be together, then!"

I had literally just explained to her how they used to talk on the phone multiple times per day and how the ex used to hang out at his house for hours, and use his kitchen to cook meals for them, the kids, and his parents. Therapist said "Don't worry, if i had an ex i would cook in his kitchen too! That way mine wouldn't get messy!" Then SO said that since i won't "let" him talk to his ex every day, his son's grades have dropped. Therapist says "you talk to your ex as much as you need to to be the best dad you can be!"

Do you think she is one of those people you pay to take your side? I saw an ad on Facebook that for $400 an hour this guy will pretend to be a therapist and take your side no matter what.

It seems that people have no bottom to their capacity to put their feet in their mouth.  Usually it is not meant with any malice.. most often it is just prattling small talk that they aren't even really thinking about.  

While it is tempting to give these folks a real lesson in reality... the reality is that most of the struggles we go through really aren't appropriate for public consumption... I believe I have seen two posts on here, just this week, that lament that they shared some woe with family members and it boomeranged back in their faces in spades when the person they confided in blabbed it to the wrong people.  

You don't ever 100% understand people's affiliations and agendas.. private things should stay private.  If you need to vent or discuss problems.. there are only a few people that really need to be involved.. the direct participants in the circus.. your therapist.. or anonymous boards such as this one.

When I have gotten versions of this kind of wording.. I generally say noncommittal things.  "well, it can be an adjustment".  "Yes, DH is happy to have time with his kids".  "haha.. well, they aren't "my" kids, but I do the best I can"...etc...  

Or just ignore their comments and move on to a different subject.. maybe a pointed platitude about something in their life.  "You must be so happy to have some free time since Bob left you.  It must be fun to do whatever you want all the time with no one to care about where you are or what you are doing".

Thank you I needed the laugh this morning. I have learned to just not talk about steplife with people who have never been in it. It would be like them talking to me about a perfectly intact family with out any drama I just couldn't relate.

Thankfully, most people in my life are insightful or tactful enough not to make stupid stepfamily comments. What does chap my arse, though, are comments or questions from acquaintances, assuming that BM is naturally the primary parent. "Oh, does your DH get to see his kids regularly?" "Is it hard for them to be away from their mom for long?" etc. 

I get that it reflects current reality: mothers are still favored by family court and society. But it's an annoying reminder that common perception reinforces that bias.

I've gotten "Why doesn't ____ call you Mom?" "Do you miss _____ when she is at BMs?" "Do you get along?" 

I thought the first one was totally insensitive! Yes, people who can't relate have no idea how to even start these conversations... let alone think "Hmmmm, maybe they don't want to talk about step life!"

Those aren't well-intended comments, they are nosy comments. You don't have to tell anyone anything about your life and they have no business commenting on how you do or should feel about your stepkids.

Just give them the "uh-huh" and resolve to never tell them anything about your life again. If they persist on asking questions, tell them it's personal, please stop asking.

Some people don't pick up on social ques. When we were on vacation we went white water rafting and on our raft was a family of four. The last hour is calm, you can jump out and swim etc. The wife was chit chatting with me and was asking about the skids ages, grades etc. Now, at this point SD and SS15 must have said my first name a bunch of times. 
 

So their daughter and SS17 are the same age so she goes "what's your son going to do." SS17 wasn't paying attention so I just yell "SS17 what are your plans" I wasn't about to answer that anyways....But, the fact being no one clearly called me "mom" the entire time, they called me by my first name, if you look at SO, me, and then skids clearly we didn't make them lol.  So, you would think she would have picked up on that. I always feel awkward and normally I say "oh not mine his!" Haha. That has happened to me a few times. SS17 has blonde hair and so do I so that's the only thing that is similar. 

But now feel left out! JK. Those people suck and we dont need them in our life at all.

I get people who think Munchkin is mine. But I am kind of similar -looking to her bio mother. Minus the 100 lbs and bug butt-chin.

I don't get many comment from people on our situation. And my close friends know it is really hard, but even then I shield them from the realities of it. I save my venting and stepfamily dynamic type questions for this website. More times than not, I get a lot of different and good advice from people who have been there/done that, and I get to appear to still be the put together SM and not one that is about to throttle everyone in sight *ROFL*