Oh... LOrt.  

your DH needs to tell his mom to stuff it.. that at 14 years old, no one should have to coddle her and give her the kind of power of naming his child.. decorating the room etc.. The only reason why SD's nose is still out of joint is that she is getting loads of positive attention for it.

He needs to have a face to face "knock it off" discussion with his daughter too.  She is always going to be his daughter.. and having another child isn't changing that.  That she is old enough to know better than to act the way that she is right now and it's unacceptable.  He loves her, but does not love her recent behavior.  If she has a problem or needs to talk, he is there for her but that he and you have been there for her over the years and that is not going to stop once a baby girl arrives.  That before long, she will be an adult with a life she wants to live of her own and that she can't expect that everything in the world is going to revolve around her.  Whether she likes it or not, the baby is a reality and he expects her to straighten up because he knows she is a better person than the one she is behaving like now.

Yikes! 
 

DH and I have a 2.5 year old...my DD now 17 got mad about the baby and I've only seen her maybe 6 times since baby was born...she hates me because of it.

i tried to make it right but it was impossible so I let her go....it is what it is. Men do it differently....my DH would have been just like yours if it had been his daughter.

You are having a baby, they can all get over it or not.  Decorate your nursery if you want to, if you dont ignore all that noise and just get on with enjoying your pregnancy then you are going to resent the lot of them for spoiling it for you.

Tell MIL to mind her own business

this is unacceptable. his stupid daughter thinks that she can control what gender her half sibling is going to be and everyone feels bad for her because she can't? your husband acting the way that he is about it is absurd. it sounds like his daughter has some serious mental issues. her and my fiancé's 10 yo should be friends.

This is ridiculous and the adults have all gone nuts. SD might not be happy about a new baby, gosh maybe you should have asked her permission before you and her dad made one? Ridiculous. And let her name the baby? Wow, if DH won't shut that down I sure as heck would. WAY too much power.

Your DH is just feeding into her "poor me" game. Best thing for that girl would be for her father to set some behavior standards and for him to model adult behavior (which he isn't). I'm sure some strong emotions are normal but she needs to learn to handle things that upset her without disrupting everyone around her.

Who IS supporting you and your new baby? Anybody beside strangers on the internet? You might need to provide some clarity to your DH that you and his new child expect his love and support as well. If he can't or won't, he needs some serious help.

This girl needs a firm "enough is enough - you have had your fun and this crap is OVER" from her father.  Not further indulgence.  He is setting a terrible precedence for future behavior when something happens that displeases her.  He can't control BM but he can have a serious talk with his own mother and ask her to stop feeding into it.  But first he has to get a grip himself.  That he is buying into it makes me wonder about his own mental health frankly.  I really hope that you have some other sources of support in real life.  You have every right to be PISSED that princess is causing such chaos during the last part of your pregnancy and let your H know that you will be carrying major resentment if he doesn't snap out of it.

I'm with the others. Tell MIL to pound sand, and stop taking her phone calls.

DH needs to tell SD that he loves her, but her reaction is over the top ridiculous considering she has other younger sisters, and he won't entertain it anymore.

Then he needs to get into therapy himself before he loses his other children as well. Seems like the whole family likes drama. 

You can't control what anyone else does, but you can control what you tell people.

Tell MIL that she either gets on board with the baby plans that YOU - as the pregnant lady about to give birth to YOUR child - and DH have set out or she can be absent. No middle ground. In or out.

Then, you call tell DH that he needs to see a therapist and work through his grief NOW because you need the father of your children to step the eff up to help you out without you having to mother him into it. How he handles SD is up to him, but how he treats you and your mutual children HAS to be better. He doesn't just get to check out all because he's upset.

Though, I'm noticing a pattern between your DH and SD. She is acting bipolar and so is he. It's possible that they both have mental health issues, whether those be biological or learned behavior. Likely, your DH and SD have responded similarly before, just not with this amount of grandeur.

If he won't get his ish together, start finding other support from a best friend or family member and leave DH out of the last weeks and birth of this child. That might seem harsh, but there is a way for him to grieve and be supportive to you, and if he won't put in the effort to do it, then you need to exclude him so you have the support you'll actually need. That could also include sending your other children off to family to spend a few weeks with them, or telling DH he needs to move in with MIL so you can move in a team of helpers.

I usually try to be compassionate in these kinds of situations, but this IS ridiculous at an unreal level. Draw a hard line in the sand that you're not tolerating this BS, and anyone who wants to cause problems while you're 8-9 months pregnant can fly a kite. You're not dealing with stupidity, and that's what this is.

Surgery for mental stress and anguish?  Is BM just an F-in idiot?  Unless they are going to lobotomize a 14yo I do not see how surgery is going to have any application to emotional manipulation and behavioral toxicity.  Unless there is some glandular thing that has her more hormonal than the usual pubescent teen.  In which case zapping the appropriate gland may be in order.  Not that I am a surgeon or anything. 

Your DH needs to extricate his head from his butt and take positive steps to overcome his rampant case of Cranio-Rectitis.  As for MIL, she needs  to SFTU and crawl back under her idiot rock and stay there.

Now for the 14yo... good riddance to her crap. She can stay the hell away until she knocks her manipulative crap completely off.  No access to her baby sister. None. At all. Period... ever. Unless she grows up and earns it with intelligent behavior rather than her cry baby infantile toxic juvenile bullshit.

SD nor MIL get any say in the nursery, baby names, etc... and neither does daddy if he does not grow up, man up, and quit being an idiot teen Skid focused moron. IMHO of course.

smh.

This guy is alienating his wife and his priority real family and your joint children for his failed family prior breeding experiment.

What an idiot.

Time to take complete control and give all three of the dipshits from your DH's prior relationship and mommy shallow and polluted gene pool, give them clarity, and make sure that all three of them clearly understand that your children will not be exposed to their toxic genetic refuse crap.

Take care of you, take care of your new baby and take care of your own kids.

Good luck.

Your SD is acting ridiculous...but your DH wins the prize in this and MIL isnt far behind. He wanted you to not talk about your baby to be and not decorate the nursery because a 14 yr old is having a meltdown...heck I would decorate the entire house to look like Sesame Street!

I do not like being negative but I do predict your DH ignoring your new baby if SD is around. Maybe even when she isnt...cause you know daddy guilt is real .

You do realize that both SD and your DH need therapy., 

Best of luck and congrats on your pregnancy...do not let MIL SD and your DH ruin this.

This is just ridiculous. They should all be ashamed of themselves.  If I were you, OP I would ignore all of them and enjoy my pregnancy. 

I feel like I am the crazy person here. Am I?

Sounds like you are the only sane one of the bunch.

Yikes...sounds like a nightmare with a bunch of dedicated enablers. 

If your SD is bipolar, that is not triggered by outside events, that is usually do to brain chemistry or other underlying events.  Not sure I'm hearing bipolar behavior, specifically, more a histrionic and self-centered reaction.  

Regardless of what is causing her extremely inappropriate reaction, that doesn't mean that you allow her to dictate what you will name your own daughter or how you parent her. 

I feel very bad for your baby, she is coming into a situation where she will be expected to be pushed aside, because no one can tell a 14 year old to knock it off. Your DH needs to either step up and decide that he's going to parent all of his children or maybe he moves out to protect your baby from possible harm. 

I also agree, cut off MIL and tell her that if she thinks she can tell you what to do about your own child, then she can kick rocks. Your DH needs to be in therapy to understand how to behave as an adult and manage your SD, his mother, and himself. 

Finally, has anyone asked themselves if this child would be having a fit like this if this new baby was her full sister, rather than her half sister? 

This is so freaking CRAZY, I just can't get over it!! 

Did they all expect you should abort because sd wanted to be her father's only daughtet? (But somehow is ok with having 1/2 sisters on her maternal side??)

C.R.A.Z.Y.

OP keep your baby (and other children) away from these nutbags. 

I would be leaving this frighteningly dysfunctional situation unless my H got himself into therapy, stat. He needs mental health assistance (as does a lot of his family, but none of them took vows with you).  None of this is normal, and you appear to be the only sane one in the bunch.

Sounds like this clown show has been making you drink their kool aide and you are starting to believe it...DON"T!

These people are all nucking futs! Do they expect you to give your child to SD14 upon birth and allow her to nurse it and care for it as well? I mean that's how this is starting to sound.

Maybe take a step back from this crazy train and think do you really want this type of life for your own child? It's one thing for you to chose this sh*t show, but your child doesn't have a choice.

Everyone else already said what I would say, but I'm also going to say this...

 Don't let MIL convince you to let SD name the baby!

 My SD likes to brag that her older brother (DH's SS at the time) named her. I don't know how much truth there is to this but based on what DH told me about her brother's behavior and BM not letting DH have any say as a step parent, I wouldn't be surprised if BM "allowed" it to appease some spoiled behavior. 

Has everyone forgotten it is the male that decides gender? This is such a s#!tshow, go stay at your mom's where you have support or kick DH to MIL's and they can kiss SD's a$$ together.  

Calmly reply “fine, but i get first dibs on naming her first born and she’s gotta suck it up and accept it!! No changing her mind!!”

see what the response is?? I doubt they can answer straight faced and likely will be flustered

plenty of baby girls are born everyday, she isn’t the only precious girl in the world. Now she needs surgery because of a mental breakdown that sole attention won’t be on her?? Of for effs sake!! 

Next time hubby chucks the sob story i’d be inclined to tell him to grow up!! This is so bloody ridiculous!! Don’t cave in to family bullying you into them inserting themselves into your baby plans. These are things you should be enjoying, not them!!

had any of my inlaws of stepkids do what yours are doing now, i’d be losing my shit with them!!

First thing first: You're NOT wrong. You ARE the SANE one. But you married into a highly dysfunctional family, meaning they'll tolerate you as long as you drink the kool aide, but turn on you the minute you point out the Emperor has no clothes.

Your about to become a mother, and a lot of other things are going to change, too. You're going to become a lot more protective and territorial, and a lot less willing to go along with the crazy. This in turn is going to cause conflict, and more pressure will be brought to bear to get you to participate in the dysfunction. You're going to have to draw hard boundaries in order to protect the interests of you and your daughter. This is going to anger the in laws, SD and BM, who will complain to your H, who in turn will pressure and fight you to maintain the status quo. You WILL be perceived as the problem.

Are you ready for the dysfunction to ramp up? Are you strong enough to withstand all of the pressure, chaos, and crazy while keeping your baby safe, knowing that you can't rely on your H to protect you and stand with you?  What are you going to do when your daughter is old enough to recognize the unequal treatment she receives? Do you want her to grow up to be like these people, a second class citizen with damaged self esteem?

We can't predict the future, but we can take an educated guess and plan accordingly. You need to have very clear limits, and an exit strategy prepared - money set aside, a place to go, attorney vetted, etc.

My vote for Dx is manipulative toxic teen bullshit facilitated by mommy and daddy under the oversight of the MIL.

She is manipulating.... pure and simple and is attempting to renew her relevance as her stock declines due to mommy and daddy both adding little girls to trump her pathetic baby girl position.

The solution is zero tolerance and a consistent boot to the ass.  Figuratively of course.

Just my thoughts of course.

Totally unacceptable behaviour by DH, BM, MIL and everyone else in the loony gang. This is your life, your baby, your home, do not allow this adolecent to control your entire existence! Your DH to man up and get a grip, sounds like BM would blame you just for the fun of it, MIL needs to butt out & keep her opinions to herself. If she wants GD to feel involved with the baby, she should take her shopping and let her choose something to be able to give as a gift to her sibling. You should not be made to feel that you cannot talk about your baby, decorate their room or anything else! You need to nip this in the bud, be firm and make it clear that you are not going to be made to feel like that. If SD has issues then she needs to get these addressed and get the help she needs. This is not a healthy situation! I hope you manage to get things sorted.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Everyone treating tou this way: your husband, MIL, stepdaughter should be ashamed of themselves. Especially your husband. Is your stepdaughter more important than your baby? It certainly seems so to your husband and MIL. I would be beyond hurt if I were pregnant (we,ve been trying for over 4 years) and this was the reaction to the happy news. Were people so sevastated when they found out your husband's ex was expecting? It's insane. I don't get it and I don't know if I ever will but for some reason divorced parents seem to lose a part of their mind when it comes to their children. I hope you can figure out what to do and please focus on you and your baby. That baby deserves just as much love and excitement as your stepdaughter did when she came to be. And...there is no way in I would let SD name my child. Decorating the nursery, etc. should be for you and your husband to enjoy.  Your SD will get that chance herself if she decides and is able to have children. Again, their behavior is disgusting and they should be ashamed of themselves. I'm so sorry for you.