I can't imagine anyone being quite as dumb as your SD-15.  Just Wow!  Did she fail 5th grade math or miss the day in 1st grade when they taught how to read the calendar?

I have nothing as far as my SS is concerned.  Though I would be pretty brutal in understanding what exactly my DW saw in the SpermIdiot if she had not already told me.  She was 16, he was 22.  He had a thing for underage girls and had many of the girls  in the small town crushing on him pretty hard. He styled himself as a rapper (think Vanila Ice) and the teens could not get enough of him.  He pushed my DW pretty hard and ... the rest is history.  Fortunately, he was history about 18mos later when he was caught cheating with yet another 16yo.

I did let it all out with formerSO. I told him I thought his son was deeply disturbed and if he didn't get him therapy he might end up being a serial killer. No joke, no exaggeration. The kid is just wrong. Not even sure if it can be fixed, but somone should TRY. 

But, you know, "there is nothing wrong with my kid".

Your SD sounds special, as in she should be tested special.

I was honest with my DH about what I thought of his Spawn.  My predictions for her future so far have been pretty spot on.  

She must've never learned any common sense huh Lol 

Id tell my DH his kids are spoiled, they don't understand the word no,  they have an entitled sense of being from others,  they are annoying with their comments they make about how we shouldn't listen to this or that (due to the mom having them being so religious), and also annoying with the comments the oldest makes about how DH was not supoosed to marry me because I was somehow not enlightened to him by God, and so many more comments

Have no respect for him and have done nothing to be independent or make an effort in life then make it that life is so hard when they are living rent free and a monthly allowance from hubby as grown arse adults aged 24 & 21.

hubby thinks he will tell them one day that he ia not giving anymore allowance that they are on their own and that they will grow up. Thats not how it ever works because they are so accustomed to it. 

I’ve told hubby his 3 kids with ex are so horrible that no one in their right mind would waste their time on them having their day ruined by skid antics, i have disengaged, ss always claim he is stressed as a defense mechanism to shut hubby up when hubby tells him off about his behaviour, me and our 2 kids are strangers according to ss which is why he ignores us in our home that i take care of.

sd’s tell me that they will do whatever they want with my kids when it goes strictly against my instructions, so whenever hubby pushes the 1 big happy family i tell hubby to stop it. He might have good intentions to force us to get along but thats the issue, he is forcing a relationship his kids do not want but fake just so they look like saints in front of family

I would tell him that someone should pay more attention to SD's schooling. 

If I do it, I'm mean. I know that. When I try to push her, I always get resistance that I'm sure DH/BM wouldn't get. We have a good relationship, but I've always been the "hard" one with her so I don't bother anymore. But she's been getting Cs and Ds in school since kindergarden and nobody seems that concerned. Studies show that academics now dictate quite a bit about academics down the line. 

I know up until grade 8, I don't think I ever even got a "C" in anything. Isn't it hard to? You're doing basic work... But whatever. She was a bit slower to learn everything... She didn't know colors, shapes, etc. until she was in kindergarden whereas our 2 year old son knows all his colors, shapes, quite a bit of counting from 1-10 and some of the alphabet. 

But I think, to some degree, he knows. Our son is going into a private school instead of daycare soon simply because it's the same price and I'd rather go with that. But I made a comment about it being "too bad we'd have to put both of them in and it'd be crazy expensive if he liked it and wanted to stay" and DH said "no, we'd keep him in and let SD know that if she applied herself more, she could do the same, but she doesn't." 

So I don't know... I mean, he notices it, but he's not doing much about it. 

SD12 and her BM are two of the most vapid and hollow individuals I have ever known, both of them are snotty spoiled brats that think they are better than everyone. BM used my DH for his money (took his whole enlistment bonuses) then ditched him and cheated on him when her tastes outgrew him. But not before hooking him for 18 years of payments. She actually scoffs at his 1000/month CS payment and says cries poor then sends SD to visitation wearing designer everything. Huge gaudy MK logos on everything. I like some Michael Kors stuff but they always choose the things with the largest gold logo! 

SD is not stupid but has zero creativity or soul, I swear her eyes are dead. Her only goal in life is to be famous and hiw do people who have no talent get famous? Obviously she has daddy issues and it's only a matter of time before she starts using sex to get what she wants without working. She wants to have her own makeup line and Kylie Jenner is her idol. I don't dig that deep into  her social media but she probably already has an IG account where she is trying to be an influencer, if not she will soon. She's not as pretty as everyone tells her, but physical attractiveness is what BM has taught her to value most. 

BM is not aging well and gets work done periodcally though she is only a couple years older than I am she looks to be about a decade older because her skin is all messed up from treatments. She has a toddler from her new husband and she photoshops the baby's face to take off her birthmark. Who is so vain to Photoshop a baby? I think her child was born with this birthmark because it hurts BM to not have a perfect child. It's really not that bad, it's just a port wine mark and that's her character, but it obviously tears up BM because she photoshops her own child! That poor kid is going to look at her own baby pictures and ask "mommy did you think I was ugly?"

Trust me, my mom was too so I know how to spot one in the wild. Overly concerned about her image, teaching SD to value looks above all else, needing designer clothes, using DH for his money then dumping him when her tastes outgrew him and the constant cheating. All of this points to her being a narcissist. Look it up if you're curious.

That autistic SS can learn the concept of earning money and he needs to quit just handing him everything. He's 18 but has the mentality of a 13 year old but lately I've been wondering if he's exaggerating it to get away with murder because one day I overheard a conversation between him and his grandmother. She said, you're 18 boy. Time to learn some responsibility. Not everything gets handed to you out in the real world and he said yeah but my mentality. Now forgive me but a child who is truly disabled to the point where they claim he is wouldn't know to say that. At least not the way I see it. I could be wrong or it could be a case of him just parroting what he's overheard them say but sometimes I think he may be faking it somewhat to get out of doing anything. This kid does literally nothing around the house yet expects everything to be handed to him and if it's not he'll complain about it for days. We've had to spend bill money on what he wants to keep him from having one of his epic meltdowns and that was one of the many reasons why I decided to leave my fiance. So apparently his ADULT son's WANTS are more important than our unborn son's NEEDS. They need to do something about it before I report this to adult protective services because they shouldn't be going broke to keep from being physically assaulted by an 18 year old grown ass man who is most likely exaggerating his disability to get his way but if I say something I'm a bitch and need to mind my own business even though it's MY MONEY being spent on this spoiled brat too. Done.

I really don't like his older daughter.  She was a weird/remote kid.  She was not a pleasant person to be around.  She is vain, judgemental and entitled.  She thinks her parents cheated her of a life of material excess.  She is stupid enough to get pregnant TWICE while supposedly on BCP... she claims it is because her migraines interfere with the pill.. sheesh.. nope... not related dummy.  She is also a Btch.. she is so self centered.. the only thing that matters is HER.  

My MIL thinks she has such POISE.. I am like.. no.. that is not poise.. she is so damn insecure and vain that she relies on her looks and clothes.. she doesn't get upset about things because in her own words.. "I don't care about people".  

I hate that she trash talks her dad for not spending time with his grandkids.. completely ignoring the fact that he had cancer when the first was born.. and then worked out of the state for the last two years.. the kid is 3.  I/We also live over an hour from her... so it's not like we can pop next door.

She just had her 2nd.. and I have silently been a bit spiteful and not bought the kid a thing... and my DH doesn't buy the presents in our family.. I'm sure she fumes.. but.. if my DH asks me to do it.. I will. .but he hasn't yet.. 

You had me at "She asked what date the Fourth of July was on?"

I'm done!

To DH: Your kid has the potential to be a great person. He's bright and there are occasional glimpses of empathy and thoughtfulness.

However, you and BM are infantalizing him and spoiling him rotten. Much as you complain about how much BM spoils him with material things or by babying him, you do it in other ways. You deliver his meals to him or will carry his dishes for him rather than expecting him to do it for himself.

You constantly ask him things like "Are you ready for your dessert?" or "Do you want some more?" Rather than teaching him to ask for what he wants.

He doesn't know how to entertain himself without screens. You complain that he drains you -- well, that's because you've never even tried encouraging him to play alone.

He cries at any criticism or will argue something until he's blue in the face rather than accept that he might be wrong. Not attractive traits and not ones that will serve him well.

When the subject of him taking on a new responsibility (like, say, rinsing his dishes) comes up, you get all nervous like it's going to be the end of SS9's world.

SS needs lessons in how to behave around adults. He assumes he's just part of the group and tries to insert himself into conversations he doesn't understand (not "adult" conversations, just subjects like movies he hasn't seen or current political events or "remember that time in college") and makes everyone uncomfortable or makes himself look foolish. And he'll talk to the adults like he would to his friends at school -- disrespectful. That's not his fault. It's your fault for not teaching him or for giving him something else to do when he's the only kid. I try to plan adult dinners and get-togethers when he's not around for that exact reason. Yes, I want to leave him out. I'm doing it on purpose.

For all your talk about SS9 spending too much time with electronics, you rarely if ever limit his time.

You complain that SS9 acts too babyish and hangs all over you, trying to sit in your lap, wanting to be carried upstairs, etc., yet you never actually tell him to knock it off.

It's laziness on your part -- which you admit -- but you never actually do anything about it and you're doing your son a real disservice. You're also doing damage to my relationship with SS9 because, even though it's unfair, it makes me resent SS's presence in my home and dread weeks he's at our house.

I want to like your kid. I do. But you make it more difficult.

Ugh my SD is exactly like that. When she's not being genuinely stupid (has the intelligence of a monkey like her mother), she plays dumb for attention. She pretends to not know something you know she knows, just for attention. 

The absolute honest truth? Well I'm sure I'll still get some backlash for this but - I think he would have had a much better (and by extension, myself also) life if he had used a condom and not gotten BM pregnant. Or better yet, not slept with her again after breaking up with her and knowing she was crazy. I mean, I know teens do dumb things but unfortunately this one had permanent consequences. I've watched my grandparents go through a similar thing with my aunt and I just think that regardless of the fact that he loves her, she will probably always bring more stress and misery than happiness and then she will pass it on to the next generation and he will have grandkids that are messed up and bring stress and misery. 

Oh the list could go on forever.

SD12....I’m so sick of her acting like she is 4. She is so fake and acting like this helpless little injured baby bird to get attention. She can’t even take her own slice of pizza out of the GD box....and then you help her like that is normal. She will be 13 MF-ing years old this year. She doesn’t know how to even sit on furniture.....the jumping rocking and swaying on every piece of furniture we own is insane.....even more insane that nothing is said to her. She is a huge inconvenience to every other person living in this house with her special requests and having to plan every single act in life around her fake anxiety whiny baby ohhh boo hooo we feel so sorry for you because your mom is a drunk and your parents are divorced bull shit.

SD17....laziest kid on the planet. Literally disgusting table manners hunched over her plate with her phone in her face asking you to cut up her food while she gets it all over her face and wipes her dribble on her arm.She is an entitled pain in the ass who thinks you owe her something because.....divorce. She needs to get off her phone and out of her boyfriend ass and get a license and a job or at the very least maybe contribute to house hold chores.....and if you think she will live here past 18....you can go ahead and find your divorce attorney now.

Right now?  Honestly?  F*ck you, DH.  My friends were all right.  You are a pompous ass who can't see past his own nose.  This was a giant mistake and the only reason I am not walking out the door is that I would have to admit that I seriously screwed up by not listening to them.  There is a list of things as long as my arm that I can not bring up to you without starting WW3 but you can pick open my painful wounds just out of idle curiosity because a television program "made you think of it?"  FUCK YOU! 

And BTW - you are a shit father.  Always were and always will be.  Your kids are losers.  And it is NOT just because of BM!!!   (rant over)

I think he knows how I feel about his kids. He knows sd11 is lazy and a slob and dirty. She has to be reminded to wash her hair, brush it, her room gets disgusting. I tell him when he over-babies ss3 and ss4. sS3 wouldn't be getting screened for autism if I hadn't been so adamant that something isn't right. Inititially there was a bit of denial from him, but then he started paying closer attention. He doesn't say more than 3 words and is 3. I lucked out and my guy is probably the best person I could have picked to be in this situation with. I have 3 kids of my own, and he's honest with me as well. It's an eye opener for sure! Like holy crap, yeah I guess I do treat bd19 like a princess. I had to take a closer look at my parenting as well haha. 

If I was to be brutally honest with DH about SD, I'd tell him I can't stand the brat and want nothing to do with her. I've tried for 4 years and I've had enough; I have my own child to worry about. I'm sick of the lies, manipulation and bad behaviour. I'm sick of the dirt and mess. I'm sick of having a 8 year old who is at the functional level of a 5 year old, coupled with the attitude of a teenager in my house. A child who refuses to do things for herself or learn how to, so she can be babied by Dadeeee. I'm sick of the BM drama and having to play happy families with a kid who hates me just as much as I hate her. I'd make sure he knows I'd never stand in the way of their relationship, but that doesn't mean that I should be compelled to have a relationship with her. Get that little brat in line, or it's only going to get worse. I hate to think how things will be when she has teenage hormones running through her system. 

God knows why you got with scumbag BM in the first place, let alone pollute your family gene pool and financially chain yourself to the bitch for 18 years by breeding with her! If it wasn't for your abusive second wife leaving you in a pit of despair with no self esteem, you would have had more sense and run 10 miles in the other direction. 

I don't really have anything to say to my SD. She is what she is: spoiled, bratty, emotional and needy but so are most kids her age. 
 

But I want to ask DH why the F*&$ he just HAD to have a child with someone who he KNEW he was going to divorce and subject us to a life of BM, child support, split family living, etc?!? Was getting laid THAT important that you couldn't just go take care of it yourself some other way??! That infuriates me more than anything. Unhappy marriage that's on the rocks that's practically sexless... oh, I know! Let's have a baby!!!

Just absolutely dumb. 
 

Also per our parenting plan we're tied to our geographical location because it's close to BM and even though we BOTH want to move to another state, we can't for another decade + 

Until SD is out of the house. 

SD is a self-absorbed and distasteful human being.  She believes she is superior in intelligence and capability to everyone around her, and looks down her nose on just about everyone she comes in contact with.  Thus, she is judgmental and haughty and sickening to be around.  

She tries to cover it up with phoney acts of generosity and fake friendliness but it doesn't take long for others to catch on.  They eventually discover her generosity is a means of controlling them by buying their interest, and her friendliness only lasts until they disagree with her or don't kowtow to her whims.

She is also BORING.  Most self-absorbed people are.  She  has nothing to say about any current events, arts and entertainment, politics, etc.  All conversations are about her - her life, her desires, her problems, her workplace, her friends, her her her her her her.   It sickens me to sit across from her, look at her pasty pouty face, and be captive to her monologues.  That's why I've disengaged.

She also lies.  She lies about things that show her true colors.  She cuts you, her father, out of her life and then lies about how she "didn't have time" or "didn't know your plans" or any other excuse she can come up with to keep you out.  She finds ways to lie about it because she knows it won't make her look good.  And keeping up the facade of being a perfect person is her fundamental goal.  

The truth is BM alienated her and SD has no problem with cutting you out of her life.  She is an adult and old enough now to know it's not right but she continues to do so because she WANTS to.  Read that again, SO: Your daughter cuts you out of her life because she WANTS TO.  That's the truth.  She has no use for you and has no care or concern for you, her father.  And it will never change.  You are not a priority in her life and never will be.

The number one person in her life is her.   And part of the reason she is that way is because you MADE her that way, SO.  You treated her like she was a golden goddess who must be worshipped and everything and everyone else in your life was secondary to her happiness and well-being.  

On the other hand, you have a person in your life who has made you a priority.  Me.  But whenever your precious, self-absorbed narcissistic daughter is around I suddenly become invisible.  Your groveling attitude towards her makes me sick, which is another reason I don't want to be around to watch it happen.  You are so desperate for her scraps of love and attention you behave like a subservient eunuch.   Doing so is part of the reason I've lost some respect for you.  

So there you have it, SO.  That's what I really think of your daughter. 

He prefers stepkid over our bio. That he will regret that 1day. That he sacrificed the chance at having a family for sd and her crazy mom, his ex. That his kid needs help and needs professional care. That most people dont enjoy being around stepkid.

To DH, I wish he was more assertive. He wouldn't be treated like garbage by almost everyone in his family. To oldest SS, he is a bully, a narcissist in the making (his lousy, entitled, lying whore of a mother's fault). To younger SS, you do you, you are great, dont be like your brother. To MIL, why dont you give a fuck about your son and his kids? To BIL, get a job, get your license back, put down the bottle you leach. To DH's stepbrother, fuck you, I hope I never have to see you again. To DH's crackhead stepbrother, you are a loser for abandoning your kids for drugs. 

I could write on this thread for hours, but to sum it up. 

SD is EVERYTHING you hate about BM & worse, why are you so obsessed?

That his daughter is rude, manupilatie and a spoiled brat and that he is laccking majorly in the parenting department. Also that I am not his personal nanny for him ( and his ex since she is home all day while I watch her child?? ) Dont mind when he is at work even though she lives 2 blocks from us so Im confused why I watch her while he is at work half the month..

Girlfriend's daughter (25, we shall call her Queen Bee) is a self-absorbed narcissist.  Works nights at a hospital and complains about having to sleep during the day. She's been offered day shift, but won't take it because "she would be away from her friends that work at night." She has a biology degree from a prestigious university, yet works for $11/hr on the night shift as a patient care assistant.  She wants to be a nurse and could easily double her salary.  She could finish nursing school in about 16 months, but absolutely refuses to get off her a$$ to do it. She spends hundreds of dollars a month buying makeup, phone cases, clothes, sunglasses, etc. etc off of Amazon. She's always been lazy, demanding and ungrateful.  When she turned 21, we took her to Paris and did a dinner cruise on the Seine for her birthday.  Never got a thank you. My girlfriend (Queen Bee's mother) refuses to let me say anything to her, saying "she'll find her way in her own time."

Girlfriend's son (20, Precious Little Snowflake) is a fragile little puke. Goes to college 1200 miles away. His birth father (girlfriend's ex) is loaded and pays for eveything.  Want that $500 pair of Nikes?  No problem, Daddy will buy it for you. $300 backpack? Daddy has you covered.  When Kobe Bryant died, the dad flew up to Chicago to be with his son so that they could "mourn" together. How freaking weird is that? The list of things the kid won't eat is a mile long, so GF has always cooked a second meal for him. I say eat what has been prepared for you or go hungry, but I can't say anything to him because that would hurt his feelings.  Damn coronavirus has him home until at least September.  The trash in his room is already piled a foot high.  You can't see the floor.  I can't say anything to him because it might hurt his feelings.  He's up all night, playing video games with his friends, laughing and yelling and waking me up at 3:30am, but I'm not allowed to complain because, you guessed it, it might hurt his feelings. 

We've put off getting married for almost 8 years now so that the kids could get financial aid at college.  Girlfriend/mom makes little money and using her income got the kids a pretty good financial aid package. If my income would have been added, they wouldn't get anything.  Girlfriend is not affectionate anymore, is very messy, cooks meals for the kid and 5 dogs everyday but only a couple of times a week for me.  Bitches about every little thing, never has a kind word to say anymore. I'm beginning to wonder if I've been used for the last 8 years to get her through her divorce and keep a stable income in the home.  I disengaged long ago from the kids and the resentment with my GF is so bad now that I'm thinking about walking away. 

My SD10 says the EXACT same type of things. *Okay, going to vent here*

What comes after June?

Is it Winter?

Is it nighttime yet?

What's your name again? *talking to her AUNT*

She has ZERO concept of time and terrible memory. Teachers have told dad she doesn't have any independence or reasoning skills. She has NO fliter and whatever she says comes out so jumbled up, DH and I can keep track of what she is trying to say. Yes, she has been tested for a learning disability, but didn't qualify. BM didn't send her to preschool. She has been behind since she started Kindergarten. BM or DH didn't do ANYTHING educational with her until she was 5 and they had to. 

She is obsessed with electronics and lacks ALL creativity. 

She DUMPED salt all over her pasta the other night. DH said whoa, easy on the salt. SD goes "that's just an opinion." UM NO, IT'S CALLED SODIUM. 

I feel like she doesn't even try to compensate by being extra nice or sweet. It's like the bad attitude makes the "lack of common sense" trait come out even more! I could go on, but I will stop. 

No shade being thrown at other people. Just describing the connections BM and SD. Everyone's situation is different, and that might have impacted YOUR experience, but it wasn't same as BMs and her academic struggles. 

Oh what a great question!!

I wish I could tell him that both him and BM are piss poor parents, have fucked up majorly on raising SD, and it'll have horrible consequences for all of us. 
 

I've been pretty honest with DH that I think both SSs are lazy, entitled, lack resilience, have a victim complex, and are pretty unlikable most of the time. I'm probably too honest with him sometimes. I also tell him that he does not step up and parent, so he can't complain about BM's lack of parenting.

What I haven't told him is that both of his kids are unattractive and weren't even cute as babies. Neither one looks like him and they don't look much like BM, either. They were born via IVF and I often wonder if they are even related to DH. BM and DH both had fertility issues and went through 6 unsuccessful rounds of IVF before SSs were born.  For one, DH is tall - like NBA player tall. SSs are 14 and they are still both shorter than me - I am average height for a woman (DH always tells me I'm short). Looking at pictures of DH, he was my height around age 9, because at that time he was as tall as MIL. He was over 6 feet by the time he was 14. Also, one SS has maybe some very sleight similarities to DH and has some similar interests, but the other one has neither. DH claims he looks like BM's mother, but I don't even see that resemblance (based on pictures only, I have never met the woman). His personality is not like DH or BM. He has crippling anxiety and barely speaks. DH is one of the most easy going people I've ever met and is a chatterbox. The other one has the same personality as BM (lucky us!). DH periodically laments that his boys are nothing like him and look nothing like him, but I don't know if he's ever wondered if they are not actually genetically his.

Omg ... I'm like giddy to answer this one! First of all SD7 the princess shit is getting old. Everyone has a fucking birthday and yours is no more important than mine. Chill the fuck out. And I'll punish your ass on your birthday too if you act like a shithead. To my fiance ... What were you thinking knocking up the junkie bitch with an IQ of 70 next door? Thanks for polluting my life permanently with kids you insist on calling me mommy yet we all know that as soon as they grow up all my hard work will be forgotten and oll be grey and fat and tired. No thanks. Also my kids aren't lesser then yours. I refuse to put on the crazy excited front for a fucking stupid birthday party when my kids didn't even get a gift because we were broke. SD7 doesnt need 3 fucking cakes when I can't even buy a gift for my kids. It's insulting. Also why am I now the go between for you and SD7's crazy ass grandma? I'm sorry i have to go to the store during the day and leave her "alone" with her father ... Like really. Get a fucking grip lady. I'm not SD7's friend. Im her parent. I'm not here to entertain her and worry about every little feeling. That's how i raise MY KIDS and since you want me to love her like shes my own then let me parent her like she's my own becuase I DO. I refuse to let a 7yr old run me. P.s. I'm happy now since I decided I was a parent and not a friend. I do what I want.