Frustrated
Hello I'm doing here. I really just needed someone to talk to or someone to get my feelings out.
I am very aggravated and frustrated with my stepkids mom but I guess more than anything I'm frustrated with my husband.( Sorry I don't know all the abbreviations yet.)
She nags him constantly, takes away his access when she is frustrated and not getting what she wants, constant threatens of him not being able to see his children. The most recent was that we signed up my son and him to do a one-hour Sports Camp during a time where his son is with us and nothing to do with her, and she threw a hissy fit because she wanted her son to do gymnastics with someone on her side of the family on the same day yet during my husband's time with his boy. So now she's threatening that if he's one second late for drop-off, which is one class is done so 7 then the time mist is coming off of his next access day. Mind you she changed the drop-off time from 7 p.m. to 7:15 p.m. but now because all of this she decide that because she's not getting what she wants is back at 7 pm. Hence the he better be in the door at 7 p.m. or else time is going to be taken off your day tomorrow. So yes I think she's insane psychopath, but at the same time my husband solution is to turn the volume down on his phone and throw it down. He told her that if she wants him exactly at 7 since his access is done then she can pick him up. There's no description in the court order that says he has to do all the driving but she says that he's required to so that doesn't work. Yet he still won't stand up for himself, he lets her get away with everything, all the name calling all the smack talk. And he wonders why for the last six years this woman has been full control over him and his own household. I honestly can't take it anymore and he gets super defensive saying that he doesn't want to rock the boat or give her more reason to be angry. Or simply says that no matter what he says she's just going to keep arguing.
I'm at my wit's end with this woman having such control in our house. His son can't even do anything with our side of the family without her throwing a hissy fit and taking away access. On top of all this I have extremely bad anxiety which every time she pulls this s*** gets skyrocketed. I honestly don't know what to do and I can't take it anymore he's lets her control everything. And no matter what I say or what I tell him to text her or anyting he won't do it.
Any advice??
Thanks for listening
Is there a court order that
Is there a court order that outlines visitation? If so, she can't arbitrarily change it; if she denies access he needs to take her to court for contempt. If there is not a court order in place, he needs to get one.
If the current court order
If the current court order isn't specific enough, request a mediation session to work out the kinks- like times, travel, etc. Then once you have all the details that have been issues worked out, hold her to it. Do not deviate.
Well she can’t denh access if
Well she can’t denh access if there is a court order. All you have to do is call a civil officer and they will make her hand him over.
Yes there's a court order.
Yes there's a court order. That outlines tines and days. She doesn't feel this applies to her and changes it constantly. And has with held the kids many times. The police won't do anything children's aid won't get involved because it's too traumatic for the kids. Husband for some reason won't put in for a breach of court order for who knows what reason
In fact she's bringing him back to court currently because he disagrees that the children need to be on a gluten free diet as they don't have a allergy.. She doesn't like the fact hes not following it and Is now trying to go for full custody
So the police do this for
So the police do this for every other person on the planet but you?
Police won't involve
Police won't involve themselves in civil matters. You have to get a writ of assistance to get help from them and that is through an additional one time court order.
We already tried talking to
We already tried talking to the police They will not go in and remove the child. They are useless And child services won't do anything because they aren't getting hurt its a parental disagreement Basically she can get away with it. We will have to file for a urgent order then she will just get told to follow order Long process and she gets to throw multiple hissy fits in the process
My advise - don't get
My advise - don't get involved. Your DH has the means and access to change what is happening and chooses not to.
For instance - the sports event. I would have signed up my son and gave DH the info. If he signs up skid it is his responsibility to ensure he can attend and deal with BM.
In your case - you are taking all the stress on yourself and it isn't your child. Why do that?
So the BM basically has your
So the BM basically has your H's balls in her purse......yeah I can see how that's frustrating. If your H is not willing to do the footwork to file papers that she's violating the court order, she's going to continue to do it. He has not created any boundaries which is why she will keep crossing them. She knows she has him by the b@lls and he won't do anything about it.
You shouldn't be living with anxiety over this and should consider if you want to disengage from all the drama or if you're willing to put up with this nonsense. Either way your H has to get his b@lls back...I feel for you darlin' and hope your H snaps out of it and gets his power back.
I hope so too. So many
I hope so too. So many threats. It's a weekly thing pretty much. He can let things gi and acts like nothing is bothering him but im boiling inside. Anxiety is thro the roof i literally just want to run away right now im ready to start breaking down and crying at any point I don't knkw what to do. Me and my ex have no issues at all we get along great and everything is for the kids I don't understand why people can't just focus on their own household and leave the other parents life alone
Welcome. Hope you find
Welcome. Hope you find support here with us.
I'm not familiar with custody law in Canada, but suggest you read up on High Conflict Parents, Pathogenic Parents, and Parallel Parenting. Share what you find with your partner, and also seek out Fathers Rights groups online. Handling HC exes means firm boundaries, written communication only, and a commitment to using the legal system every. single. time the ex violates the (revised, more specific) custody agreement. If you're partner doesn't have the stones to do this, then you need to disengage completely to protect yourself and your child. Let go of the idea that you are a blended family, and go about the business of parenting your son.
You can't compel your partner to stand up to his ex (many men are conflict avoidant, still under their ex's thumb, or just plain weak and afraid) or snap your fingers and render her sane, but you can find different ways to detach from and cope with the dysfunction. Check out the Disengagement forum on this site for more info.
I will definitely look up the
I will definitely look up the disengagement but honestly it's so hard He talks about her and it stresses me out instantly Just talking about her starts my anxiety Its that bad I don't even want to hear her name She's a narcissist and I can't deal i was good for a little bit kept saying to myself "not my circus not my monkies" but that only lasts for so long
Literally tell him not to
Literally tell him not to tell you ANYTHING about it unless he is going to actually DO SOMETHING about it (like file for contempt).