What is a "change in circumstance"?
According to our lawyer yesterday- Getting married, DH's new orders that actually keep us here, the medical issues (see past blogs, we are dealing with Munchousen Syndrome by Proxy), Taking DH's name off the school contacts (I added him and myself back on) -- are all not enough to have visitation revisited. We aren't looking for a custody flip. Just every other Thanksgiving, 1/2 of winter break, spring break and 8 weeks in the summer-- you know standard out of state crap.
I asked him what does then??? What change do we need to make to get a standard visitation. All 34 days a year is not fair parenting time. He us supposed to get back to me.
Please if you have any ideas on what we could do to "change circumstances" let me know. Do I need to give up my job?? Do we need to move? Do we need to request orders to move away from family? What do we have to do??
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I think not wanting full
I think not wanting full custody actually works against you here. If you could get a real diagnosis of Munchousen, that should be enough for a change in circumstances to get custody, not change visitation. Usually visitation is only changed when BM starts allowing more time and then tries to control the situation by threatening that time. This is when I judge would say the standard is more time, and then change the order.
A change in circumstance typically means that BM is unfit or something extreme is going on on her side of things. It may be that you live close enough for more standard visitation. I don't think you could go in with a serious accusation like Munchousen and then say, but we really just want more time with him, he's fine living there. Your attorney could request a psyc eval but I'm not sure it would be worth the money or fight.
Until she starts physically
Until she starts physically hurting him and we have proof, we don't have a case. The doctor, the specialist, the cardiologist all agree we are dealing with MHS- by Proxy but there isn't anything they can do if it is psychological.
Our angle was going to be more that she needs to be slapped on the wrist for contempt due to the medical withholding, "firing" our doctors, etc. - Our stance was that since we live out of state we need to have more involvement due to lack of communication. It was more of a making her look bad.
We know that SS is brainwashed and we don't stand a chance of full custody. At 14 he would have to WANT to leave and he is too scared of his mother to say that in court.
Yep. I fully believe
Yep. I fully believe sometimes you have to just stop fighting and start making the situation your new normal. It stinks, but I think you guys are there.
I agree with this.
I know that you love this kid, but the reality is that to get a change before this kiddo ages out will be almost impossible, and even if you could, it will cost you thousands and thousands of dollars and immeasurable heartache along the way.
The court system is completely screwed up, but it is what it is.
Since you were just in court 4 months ago
You would need a major change in circumstances to justify changes at this point. Think like your husband retired from service or you all moved appreciably closer. I know it's a pain, but the reality is that without rules like that, people could just keep filing each time they lost and there would never be any reason to accept any order.
I don't understand why you all didn't appeal the ruling in April, though. An appeal doesn't require a change, it just requests reconsideration on some kind of basis.
Our lawyer said there was no
Our lawyer said there was no point. It would have been a waste. Appeal was where I wanted to jump first too!
All of this should tell you what your lawyer thinks of your case
Appeals here go to the Circuit Court, which has no patience for family issues, so I understand where your lawyer was coming from. S/He thinks it's a stinker of a case, but is stopping short of telling you to stop entirely.
It's awful, but it would be really wise for you to just step back from all of this and try to find peace.
BM filed for 50/50 custody 2
BM filed for 50/50 custody 2 MONTHS after custody was awarded (67%/33%). The judge said unless there was a significant change in circumstance he could not do anything- and actually couldn't really do anything for 2 years anyway. He said a change in circumstance was basically a move closer to skids...honestly that was about it. BM also needed to prove she could support skids financially and provide stability, but that's not your case. Since then, she has moved closer to skids, and has actually held a job and apparently gotten a promotion to manager (pretty sure a pig just flew past my window). So at the 2 year mark, which is next August, she will most likely get 50/50 custody, despite being batshit crazy. It's so frustrating how they are so hell bent on giving the mother custody, no matter what.
So, I just called out lawyer
So, I just called out lawyer becasue in digging through all of the paperwork last night- we never got the ammended order stating we got the 3.5 weeks in the summer. Turns out BM's lawyer never signed or submitted it. So currently we have 1 week per year with SS.
We found out in our state,
We found out in our state, if the visitation was entered into the case as and agreement between the two parties and never reviewed/decided by the court, COS is not needed to review visitation.
I just called the clerks
I just called the clerks office and they said they have never heard of that being the case
cart before the horse
Since the childs Doctor has reported to you and DH the childs mother IS actively involved in M by P, the childs doctor is a mandated reporter. He is required to report his findings to child protective services. It is not a matter of when but how quickly he can.
What I would want to know is when did Doc report Mother to CPS in the childs county of residence and 2. What are the findings of the investigator from CPS who was assigned to the childs case? 3. What further action has been taken by cps? 4. If no action was taken, why?
Yes and no. The doctor we see
Yes and no. The doctor we see here feels strongly that this is M by P. She said there is nothing she can do until physical harm is being done. He has no physical symptoms. Without that there is no proof of abuse. So no, CPS is not involved. There is nothing that can be done. She tells the kid he has a cardiac issue- goes to the dr, demands tests, demands notes "to be on the safe side" so that SS can skip visiting his dad (of course the dr's don't know that part), then after we start asking questions it all disapears. However, she will still convince him that he is going to die.
Same with Elhors-danlos, same with his colon... it is just waiting to see what disease he has next! She get's some kind of sastisfaction for staying home to take care of the "sick" child. We think she is trying to get something for disability for him or at least extend child support.
We can't call CPS becasue "BM says SS is sick and he isn't".