I am getting sick of bedtime with SD and SS (Need advise)
So SS(5) and SD(7) have been pulling the bedtime BS again. As soon as it's time for bed SD starts crying about how she misses mommy and then after we finally get her into bed and she gets her hugs and kisses when it's DH and my time it's, "daddy I need you. I need to tell you something," and then SS starts in with his fake crying. You know the whaaaaaa, ooohhhh, baaaaa, whaaaaa, "daddy I need you. Daddy I need to tell you something," whaaaaaa, ooohhhhh, baaaaa, whaaaaaa. This can go on for over an hour. DH usually doesn't respond other then to tell them to go bed from the living room. But they just won't stop. Last night in order get SS to quit his fake crying and yelling I had to threaten to turn his radio off and close his door. He still wouldn't stop at that point so I told him that if I closed the door that I was taking his flash light. Then no more then 30 minutes later SD is out in the living room. This was over an hour after she was supposed to be in bed.
This morning I told both of them that if the same thing happens again tonight that they lose their sleep over on Friday night and if it continues to happen after that from now on each time they are asked to be quit and go to bed they lose ten minutes off of there bed time for the following evening. SD lost ten minutes tonight because she got up out of bed when she knows she's not supposed to unless it's to go to the bathroom or it's an emergency. DH and I only get so much kid free time and the evenings are ours.
I don't know what's gotten into them lately. They were really bad about bed time but once we set boundaries and started to enforce them they got better. Now all of a sudden it screaming and crying for over an hour sometimes before they finally shut up. And none of it's real. SD justs wants attention. I think that she can't stand the fact that DH and I are alone and she's not there and SS has just been driving me nuts at bedtime lately. He never listens. You have to threaten to do something and usually that doesn't work.
Monday night he threw a screaming tantrum when it was time for bed. Screamed at DH that he wants to live with him mom, that he doesn't love him, and he better let him talk to his mom now!!!! And when I finally stepped in because DH couldn't handle it he started screaming that he hated me. He destroyed one of his toys and attacked the back of his bedroom door kicking it and pounding on it as hard as he could with his fists. He was completely out of control.
Any suggestions as to how to handle this? I think the losing ten minutes off of their bedtime everytime they are asked to be quiet and go to sleep will work. Maybe not this evening but tomorrow when they have to deal with the consequences.
Does anybody have any ideas as to why the heck they are doing this?
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My first thought: they're
My first thought: they're doing it because they want to see if they can. Probably no other motivation behind it except that.
I agree with making them go to bed 10 min earlier the next night for every infraction. I had to do this with my son and it worked wonders.
I agree with the pushing the
I agree with the pushing the boundaries thing. But it never works and this has been going on for the last couple if months if not longer then that. It just drives me insane.
I have a BD(7) and other then asking for her water and floride pill she's good to go once it's bedtime. I never hear a peep out of her. But then again I set bedtime boundaries with her when she was pretty little. Both SD and SS never had those boundaries until I came into place.
Pushing boundaries to see
Pushing boundaries to see what they can get away with? Anything different with the mom going on? My SD used to try that "I gotta tell you a sumpthing" and she would be all sniffly and saaaad then when I came back in the room, she would just beam and try to talk for an hour - for attention. I did about the same thing you are doing, except mine didn't dare pull that screaming, beating on doors, telling us she hates us thing, I probably would have said "GOOD I'm off the hook for doing crap for you now then since I do not do nice things for people that hate me, which means I don't have to do any stupid sleep overs or drive you around and pick up after you, GNIGHT" but I am really mean.
I have no clue what goes on
I have no clue what goes on at BM's house. It wouldn't surprise me if she runs and coddles them everytime they make a sound and then they come over to our house and expect the same. Well, I've got some sad news for the both of them, NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
IDK...Ive never had this
IDK...Ive never had this issue but if it were me in this situation I would probably take everything that could be destroyed or used for fun out of their rooms and only leave their beds in there and then lock their damn doors! Let them scream and cry etc and throw their little fits but show them by ignoring them that their fits will get them NO WHERE and then eventually they will see you mean business and learn to shut the fuck up and go to bed!!! }:)
Lol, you're funny.
Lol, you're funny. Unfortunatley you can't lock kids in their bedrooms. If the house caught on fire they wouldn't be able to get out.
SD doesn't have any issues with playing toys and usually SS doesn't either. They both just lay in their beds and scream and cry.
What about locking the door
What about locking the door UNTIL they fall asleep?
Locking the kids in their
Locking the kids in their rooms is NOT allowed. CPS would be there in a minute if they knew they were being locked in their rooms. Not to mention how traumatic that would be, to be a child and know you were locked in a room!!!
I personally think that is
I personally think that is ridiculous but that is just my opinion on the matter
I agree with the pushing
I agree with the pushing limitations/boundaries theories above. I also think that attention and wanting to take daddy away from you could play a part in this as well. I know my SD would go to any length possible to have her daddy all to herself.
I'd continue doing as you are, or simply disengage from the drama and let daddy dearest handle them.
Good luck! That's gotta be VERY frustrating, indeed!
I think the early bedtime
I think the early bedtime thing will work wonders on them. They want to push a boundary. Well that sucks for them. It I had started the ten minute thing last night both SS and SD would be going to bed at like six this evening. That's how many times they had to be asked to be quiet and go to bed from both DH and I.
The issue is that they don't
The issue is that they don't play with their toys. That's not the issue. They just lay in bed and fake cry and yell. DH has gotten to the point where he won't even go back there anymore because that's what they want. Even if he's pissed. They don't care. They got daddy back to their bedrooms.
Ohhhhhh. I like that idea.
Ohhhhhh. I like that idea. How ever long you scream and cry is how early you will go to bed the next night. That is a fantabulous idea. I like that one better then the ten minute thing. Thanks for that.
That behaviour, were it
That behaviour, were it genuine, would not be developmentally appropriate for a five and seven year old and I agree with you that they are faking it. They are most likely feeding off eachother and if there is anyway to separate them at bedtime (or have different bedtimes) I would. If you tell them you are going to do something, you MUST enforce it immediately. I'm sitting here thinking what dh and I would do if ss did this. This is what I came up with: They are both old enough to put themselves to bed. I would inform them, well before bedtime, that the next time they start up with it there will be no stories, snuggles or tucking in. When they start in on their tantrums, i would immediately stop whatever I was doing and calmly say, "you did x. Daddy and I told you that when you do X, you will BOTH have to go to bed without stories, snuggles, or tucking in. That's a shame. I was looking forward to reading you the three little pigs. Ok, well see you guys in the morning. good night, i love you." Walk out of the room, shut and hold the door through the next fifteen minutes of screaming until they calm down, realize im serious and go to sleep. Once you have the behaviour problem under control, you should address the reason why the behaviour problem has come up.
All three kids go to be at 8
All three kids go to be at 8 pm and SD has to read for 20 minutes every evening for school so she's usually in bed a little bit earlier doing that. Both of their rooms are right next to each other so seperating them won't work. SS could always be threatened with losing 30 minutes permanently if he continues to carry on like that since he can't manage to go to bed quietly which means that he's not getting enough sleep throughout the evening.
My GD went to a behavioural
My GD went to a behavioural therpaist for the same issues.
And the solution went like this: Each child gets 3 pennies left on the kitchen table. Each time they cry or get up they lose a penny. Any pennies left in the morning are theirs. If they have (TBD) pennies at the end of the month they get a treat (DQ/Zoo/movie to rent/something relatively cheap but fun).
The funniest thing was when my GD screamed "I want my radio, I want my Daddy and I want my penny NOW!" My DD recorded it and man, did it sound funny. And maybe you tape the kids playing up and play it to them the next morning. Then say " Seeing you were crying for xxx minutes you will go to bed xx minutes early tonight."
They cry for their mother because she isn't there and they know if freaks out their father.
Read John Rosemund. He is SO my hero!
I know that's why the scream
I know that's why the scream for their mother. They think it hurts DH's feelings. The funny thing is that is doesn't work anymore. DH knows that they are just trying to get attention by saying that.
SS's tantrum on Monday was a whole other thing. I have never heard him scream at the top of his lungs such horrible things that were directed at DH. It was unbelievable. That little kid was cruel. He was completely out of control and there was not way to get him back under control. I literally had to shut the door and then hold the door nob because he came flying out bed and tried to open. That's when he ripped the toy down that used to hang on his door, trashed it, and then attacked the door. I have never delt with anything like that in my life.
I'm not sure if that would
I'm not sure if that would work. His kids would just get up out of bed and turn the lights back on or would scream and yell even louder.
Great idea in theory. SD
Great idea in theory. SD would just love the fact that she was still up and just try and force SS to do something he doesn't want to do. It could end up being world war three in the house. The issue with SS is DH has given the kid to much power and not enough boundaries. This kid will literally scream at DH and call him names when he gets in trouble and usually only gets a, "you don't talk to your father that way."
If my kid ever talked to me like that she would feel my wrath.
My SSons would sometimes act
My SSons would sometimes act like this when they were younger. It didn't improve until DH and I set up a solid bedtime routine i.e. bath or shower, brush teeth, pick out clothes for the next day, bedtime story, lights out. In that order every night at the same time when the boys were with us. It took awhile but once they got used to it, it seemed to do the trick.
I think what really made this work was that DH took the lead. He supervised, I went off and watched TV or something. I think by DH doing it the boys got the attention they needed and didn't have an excuse to get up.
If they got up DH would walk them back to bed without talking to them. This seemed to work for us.
My SSons tended to try to crawl in bed with us in the middle of the night. And again DH would walk them back to bed without saying anything to them.
Just my 2 cents.
~BettyRay
They have a solid bedtime
They have a solid bedtime routine. They eat dinner, have their treat, put pajamas on, brush their teeth, have water, have their floride pills, SD and my BD go off to read in their bedrooms for 20 minutes, and SS hangs out with DH watching TV until it's almost time for bed. They go to bed at 8 pm and that's when it starts. It actually starts a little bit early with SD. As soon as she knows it's getting close it's time for the water works and I miss mommy.
One thing is to totally
One thing is to totally ignore the behavior. They whine and say "daaaaddy" it needs to be ignored. They come out of the room, you pick them up and put them back into bed without a word and you keep doing it.
It sucks but they get the point eventually.
Ignoring doesn't work.
Ignoring doesn't work. They'll just scream louder and for longer periods of time plus my BD is trying to either read or sleep so that's not fair to her. As for the picking them up and bringing them back to their rooms, that probably won't work either because the screaming is to get DH's attention and get him back to their rooms. So technically even if DH doesn't talk to them it would be exactly want they wanted.
Usually whenever DH has to
Usually whenever DH has to address any bad behavior with him he'll yell at DH, call him names, and then stomp off to his bedroom. Dh can ask him to stop talking to him that way and to not yell but he'll won't stop. He'll just yell some more.
He is usually good at school but there was a day a couple of weeks ago during BM's week when she dropped him off at school he decided that he wanted to go to work with her. Apprently he kicked and screamed and when she was finally abel to get him into the class room and get the door shut he freaked out and began attacking the door by kicking and hitting it until he was finally able to make out. Needless to say he went to work with BM that day.
Usually he just doesn't listen, EVER. You can ask him to do something and he'll just ignore you. Like this morning I asked him and his sister to get up and go and put their shoes on. SD jumped right up to go and do it but SS just laid there on his stomach watching TV irgnoring my until I finally turned the TV off.
When I went into his room on Monday night during the tantrum everytime I tried to tell him that he shouldn't be screaming those things at his father he waould just yell louder. When I tried to raise my voice over his he would yell louder. When DH was telling him that if he didn't stop that night SS would respond with, "I don't care. Last night when I told him to quit crying he just kept on doing it. When I threatened to close the door and shut his radio off he wouldn't listen. I had to threaten to do all of that plus take his flash light (he would have been in the complete dark) before I got him to shut up.
The kid never listens anymore. I told DH today that his son has gotten to a point that he just doesn't give a crap. Why should he listen to us? What can we do to him? He's can do whatever the hell he wants when the hell he wants.
Recently he has been asking his sister to get him a knife so that he can stab himself and I caught him heading towards the knives the other day when I walked into the kitchen. SD told me he said that he was going to get one of the knives.
This kid is completely out of control. This is what happens when you raise a child without boundaries and rules. He has been given adult status and is not going to give that up from the looks of it.
I hope that answers your question.
I think that he was just
I think that he was just playing when he said the stabbing himself. Not justifying it. But I don't think that he was being serious. Is it something that makes you wonder how this kid could even think about something like that? Yes it is. When he was younger when he got mad he used to tell DH things like he was going to rip his head of and poke his eyeballs out. DH thought it was funny for a while and then started correcting the behavior.
I am worried about his behavior. I think that he already has that teenage mantality of what can you do about it? I do what I want. And he's only 5.
Your DH needs to get his son
Your DH needs to get his son back under control....like Now!!! Cause I'm living what could be your life in a few yrs. my SS11 is just like your SS!!!! He escalated one time to hitting me & he even spit on me one day!!!! & the reason why? I asked him to go upstairs to His room & get a pair of socks & shoes on so that we could go to the store. He brashly Told me to go get them for him. I said no. Then he went to his room & totally destroyed it & everything in it, including his new toys from Christmas!!! He's been coddled for waaaaaay too long!!!
Find what makes him tick. Don't give in to his tyrannical crap!!!