Update to blog about me not buying SD birthday presents this year
Here is the original blog-
http://www.steptalk.org/node/65085
So today is SD's 9th birthday. Up til now Dh hasn't mentioned it at all so I figured that we were still on the same page. Just got a call from him, he's off today and just some up.
Asked if I was getting SD a cake..... I said no, that he was off so I figured he could handle that.
Ok, fine I guess I can do that. Did you seriously not get her any gifts for her birthday?
Nope, I told you I wasn't.
And you don't see any thing wrong with that?
Nope.
Really?
Yep.
Well, I guess now I have to spend my day off buying presents and planning a birthday party. And he hangs up on me.
I just changed my passcode to my bank account cause I know he's going to transfer money to his account to fund this little buying spree of his. I told him in no uncertain terms, weeks ago that if he wanted to do anything for her birthday he had to do it himself, that I was sick of the disrespect. AND he ultimately agreed with me on not getting her presents. Why is he so shocked now.
Like always, he caves and can't stick to a single consiquence for the princess.
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Comments
Good for you! I love that you
Good for you! I love that you changed your bank password!! He is going to be pissed when he finds out though }:)
Hopefully she will connect the dots and figure out that being rude and disrespectful to you = you not going out of your way for her!
Eh, I wouldn't count on it. I
Eh, I wouldn't count on it. I stopped doing things for SD for the same reason. DH picks up the slack and she doesn't notice any difference.
Your DH is mad, he'll get
Your DH is mad, he'll get over it. I would not buy SD anything either. You told her you weren't going to, if you do, you lose all credibility in your actions. DH of course will buy her something, let him do what he wants, if he wants to say its from both of you let him, but under no circumstances are you to hand SD a bday present from you. As for a cake and dinner, all on DH, even if he wasn't off from work today, that's his spoiled spawn not yours. In fact, if you really want to be a bitch, buy something for SS today and give it to him in front of SD, lol
That's a big parenting
That's a big parenting difference between me and Dh. I say something I fully intend on following through, and do. He makes idle threats all the time and never follows through. Once his initial burst of anger is over, its back to the usual no consiquences. So the kids have learned just to wait it out and they are home free.
So of coarse I'm the evil stepmother for actually giving them actual consiquences for their behavor.
^^^^^this is the same with me
^^^^^this is the same with me and my dh!
i keep bringing it to his attention though...so he's getting a little better.
btw! good for you! thumbs up!
I remember this blog and I
I remember this blog and I totally agree with your decision.
She was being a complete, disrespectful brat.
If you buy anyone a gift...buy it for her brother whome she ruined all surprised for.
Ah, yes, I did this years and
Ah, yes, I did this years and years ago. It's funny, when I did get her presents, her mother or sisters would get rid of them...yep, loser skid told my little cousin this once when she was visiting us. At the end, neither BM, nor SKID, not DH or his crappy family appreciated the fact that I spent MY money to get her presents, my TIME to get her presents, MY money and time to have parties for her...so I stopped. Of course, I bet it's now my fault too that she gets nothing, but I could care less. Even when we moved out of the country it was me who went into Amazon and searched for hours to find the perfect present to send to her and she and her BM still treated us like crap...especiallly me...so I gave up and never again did it. Of course, DH never did either...so, no big deal to me.
Isn't it funny that they are NOT our kids yet we are expected to get them things, spend OUR time getting them things and then they wonder why we feel like crap when they treat us with such disrespect and don't even say thank you? Funny. Well, it was a great decision on my part. Don't worry, he'll do it this year and in a few years, he'll forget...it'll be your fault lol but again, not really, just in their eyes, which is really irrelevant.
Good for you.
"I guess now I have to spend
"I guess now I have to spend my day off buying presents and planning a birthday party."
He would've been perfectly fine with you spending your free time doing that!! Ugh!
There so many issues going on
There so many issues going on that its hard to really take a stand on any one in particular. If I tried to tackle everything at once it would be absolutely ridiculous in my house.
I've decided on that other issue..... I am going to so a rough estimate of what his family does for the skids for their birthdays (and other gift giving situations in the future) and I will spend that much extra on my BIOS. This year I estimate they have spend about 150 on each skid and 0 on BS for the birthdays, so my son will get private swim lessons next month.
I think that is a great idea!
I think that is a great idea!
Great idea on the swimming
Great idea on the swimming lessons. Instead of wasting $$ on toys & junk that kids outgrow spend it on lessons (art, dance, music, sports, etc). Another good idea - family memberships to children's museum, zoo or aquarium. Great experiences and memories last a lifetime. My bios are preteens and still love day trips to these places.
He's surprised because he
He's surprised because he fully expected you to change your mind. My ex was like this too. He always told me that I would change my mind about whatever the issue was "after I had time to cool off and think about it like a rational human being". Oh yea, like I'm going to change my mind after hearing that comment.
Stick to your guns.
What pissed me off the most
What pissed me off the most is his outrage and shock that he has to be impositioned to do something for her birthday. Did he think it just magically happened at every other gift giving occassion? It's nothing when I to it, but its this huge burden for him.
He never lifts a finger for birthdays, Xmas, Easter, or valentines day. Never says thank you, or good job, or that was really great. Nothing. He has to do it one time, and its like I told him to go find the lost city of Atlantis.
i was thinking that when i
i was thinking that when i read your first post. well now i have to spend my entire day off buying presents for my daughter!!!! :jawdrop: well boo hoo to you!
he's old school. my dh prefers to be involved with what he gets the kids so does my brother.
is your dh pretty traditional in masculine and feminine roles across the board? or just shopping?
He's pretty much of the
He's pretty much of the Peanut does everything, and I should get to do nothing mentality.
He was overly babies by his stay at home mom well into adulthood, so his.norm is doing absolutely nothing around the house. Is almost be ok with traditional division of labor, cause that would mean he's taking responsibilty for something atleast. But he won't even willingly take on the traditional male tasks.
well then i give you a double
well then i give you a double thumbs up! i'd require him to hire a lawn and maintenance guy too. Add in a cleaning service if you are working!
We pay someone to mow the
We pay someone to mow the lawn, but that about it for outdoor maintainance for our house. I have too much to do keeping the inside in order to do anything with the yard. I even have to nag him to call the lawn mower guy to come (he sees nothing wrong with 2 ft high grass) and I am the one to pay him.
i swear this site helps me
i swear this site helps me appreciate my dh more and more every day!
Lol, it has the opposite
Lol, it has the opposite effect for me. I kind of assumed all guys were like my Dh..... My ex and my dad were the same way so I figured most guys were too.
Now I'm seeing that this is not the case.
i'm glad that you're sticking
i'm glad that you're sticking to your guns on this. don't you love how they agree in the moment to shut us up, but a few weeks later, they think we've had enough time to "get over our fit" and they expect us to do exactly what we said we wouldn't? i told fdh the same thing after Christmas of 08. i'm tired of nothing i do being good enough for him and sd. she nitpicks and complains and he always tell me he doesn't know if she'll like what i bought. fine. do it yourself. i'm not spending my time and money on YOUR asshole kid to be treated like this from both of you. he knew i was serious and never asked me to do anything again. well one time, he very hesitantly asked if he could pick her up a bday card because i was the only one with money on me. i said sure. but that's all i've done.
she does see the difference, but she knows better than to comment on it. she has looked around with a "WTF" look on her face when my kids got Christmas stockings and she didn't. (she was 17, i think she can handle it). sorry, Snowflake. daddy forgot. and i don't do things for little shits that act like assholes to me. i don't know if fdh told her why i don't do anything, or if she actually has enough sense to know, but she never said anything to me. }:)
Yeah, not really gonna hold
Yeah, not really gonna hold my breath for that. More likely it will be snide comments for the next few months....
And I fully expect him to hold a grudge about this and try to retaliate by trying to take a birthday or Christmas away from one of the other kids.
PS by the way, some men are
PS by the way, some men are just like that. I used to get things for my DHs nieces, nephews, mom, dad, sister, etc...for holidays, birthdays, etc...I too got fed up. They never even thanked ME...they would call DH, if anything or even in front of me say "thank you" to him and not me. Guess what? There has not been a single holiday that DH has gotten anything for those people again. Ever. Too bad. What a freaking shame.
Well, I guess now I have to
Well, I guess now I have to spend my day off buying presents and planning a birthday party. And he hangs up on me.
I can't believe he tried to lay a guilt trip on you. IMHO - his kid, his responsiblity.