Feeling scared of how highschool will be

Ss starts high school in a few weeks. And my Dh and I are terrified. I never had any issues and had many friends. Yet, high school was a nightmare for me. And this was in the good old days. The kids in Ss's middle school were positively cruel. I cannot imagine what they will be like in high school.

Ss is not looking forward to starting school again at all. And he has no desire to make anything of his life. We only have four years to get him motivated. But at the rate this is going, Ss might be living with us a long time with no job or education. My Dh has already been looking at houses with a separate basement apartment for our retirement home! Just so Ss will have a place to stay. At least he will be in a separate place. But I don't think I would be happy even with that situation. And my Dh has a large separate insurance policy just for Ss so that he will be taken care of after he passes away.

He is having zero expectations that Ss will be able to get a job. He acts in front of Ss like he wants Ss to do something with his life but I know for a fact that he does not expect him to be succeful. Ss has no interest at all in keeping up his grades. He studies because he has nothing else to do but refuses to complete exams and tests, even though he has the knowledge. He just leaves them blank. The teachers had to get us and the school counsellor involved but nothing helps. They give him very high grades for his assignments so they never understand why he just leaves questions blank in the tests and exams. Ss has only been passing school because of assignments. And he gets only C's and D's. Now it is a whole new school and we have to go through the very uncomfortable process of telling them about Ss's issues and telling them to keep it a secret. Ss would be very upset if he knows we are telling his teachers.

I mentioned to my Dh about trying a therapy boarding school but as I expected, he said no. We had a bit of a fight. But we were whispering the whole time because the kids were sleeping. He told me straight up, I am not leaving Ss anywhere. I know it is hard on you but I will not do it. So that is where we stand. I am not happy with Ss's behaviour at our house. Nothing we do helps. And I am constanly living with tension in my own home. My kids seem ok with everything but I can't be sure they are not picking up on all this energy. I am not looking forward to Ss going to school. It will be more tears and anger and lashings at us all over again.

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Thanks Step Mum for the hugs.

Thanks Step Mum for the hugs. You are right. As much as Ss will hate it, we have to tell his teachers. It is for his own good. I think they have taken it into consideration when they used to pass him grade-wise.

Is there any way he could be

Is there any way he could be homeschooled? I know in the homeschool groups there are fewer kids and they tend to be fairly close. It "might" be an option.
High school CAN be awful.

Homeschooling will noot work

Homeschooling will noot work for us. Both of us have careers and we have other children in our home too. It would be too difficult to do. And we don'yt want to isolate him more than he already is. When he grows up he will have to deal with people. We do not want to shelter him from that. And high school can be awful

I feel for you. This kid

I feel for you.

This kid went through such a bad thing. The problem now is that he is that he has become this victim and he's playing the victim role in everyday life. Everyone has to do things for him. A good counselor would be teaching him empowerment and that none of it was his fault. They would be helping him with the confusion. It would take so much time.

I'm sorry, you are really stuck between and rock and a hard place. You can't tell him to buck up and get past it. It was an awful experience. But at the same time, his father and others treating him as weak and doing everything for him isn't going to help in the long run.

I wish I had something for you. I really do. I feel so sad for your Ss. No one should have to go through what he did. I would be at a loss too.

I have to agree with the idea of homeschooling. He can ease into social situations that way. That can be time consuming as well.

I think for in our situation,

I think for in our situation, everyone wants to put Ss int he victim role eexcept Ss. He hates us comforting him or feeling sorry for him. But we can't help it. We try and hide our feelings but I am sure he picks up on it. But he refuses to let go of the blame. The therapist said that Ss blames my Dh because he does not want to blame himself. Last weeks incident showed a little of that. He is afraid that peope will think he asked for the abuse. I do not want high school to start :(. Almost everyday in middle school was yelling, doors slamming and tears. It was too stressful. And homeschool would isolate Ss more. He needs to know how handle people. We won't be around forever to protect him.

I know you said homeschooling

I know you said homeschooling wont work however have you looked into something like Connections academy? We had friends that did that a year to give their child a mental break and then started her back into a brick and mortar the next year. Totally changed child. They found her social realtionships outside brick and mortar.

We have another set that did one at MU High School http://cdis.missouri.edu/high-school.aspx (I think this was the school anyway). Their child finished high school and started college early a much happier person.

Both these kids did have parents motivating them to get school work done or no computer/Xbox et...

I know you said homeschooling

Both these kids did have parents motivating them to get school work done or no computer/Xbox et...

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