Have you ever thought about homeschooling? Or does your area have an online schooling program? Maybe some sporting activity like karate where there's social interaction but it's not based on teams and children gain self-esteem through their accomplishments? Golf is also a solo sport for the most part. I know homeschooling in this area of the country is very popular and their are numerous homeschooling groups and functions. Maybe a church group? Just trying to throw some suggections out there. It sounds like an alternative to the normal group things may help more to build his self-esteem. I would think more one on one with kids may be easier for him to interact at first... Children are so cruel sometimes with the groups and in-crowds.

Homeschooling was were my thoughts were going also. I feel so badly for you and him and the situation. I'm sure it is heartbreaking to watch and not feel able to change it.

Homeschooling would take him out of the eyes of the kids that are so cruel and un tolerant and give him a chance to work thru his own issue with the option to re-enroll in school when he feels more adapted.

I agree with everyone who has suggested karate, yoga or other physical disapline that is based on your self. Something that is not so much competive and athletic minded but focused on the inner person. Running is very theraputic. Maybe as a family you can take up running or biking and train for a triathalon or marathon. I would think some confidence and an outlet for pentup feelings would be beneficial to him.

I would exhaust all efforts to find like minded kids. You said he reads a lot, I would hang out at the library and try to encourage friendships with people there.

Many prayers to you !

My DS was in the same boat -- had trouble making/keeping friends. It seemed those friends he did make moved away. He is short for his age, and probably should have waited an additional year to start him in school (he'll be in the 6th grade this year). Compound on that pretty severe inattentive disorder, some acting out, etc. I was at a loss... I knew his lack of friends was really bringing him down and causing him to act out even more. One of my friends suggested martial arts. At first I thought "no way..." but really started looking into it, made some contacts, and enrolled my DS in a 3-lesson trial.

I am proud to say that 3 months later, he is doing remarkably!! I have yet to hear him say anyone made fun of him, or he was left out. He's made some friends (he goes 2-3 times a week) and really enjoys his time there. His behavior has changed too -- no more melt downs, acting out.

The instructor runs a tight ship, makes sure they are very disciplined, yet is very quick to tell them "great job!". They also start every session with a short discussion about NOT using their skills to show off or cause trouble - to only use them when they or immediate family members are in IMMINENT danger.

Martial arts isn't about learning how to fight, really. It's about respect, self-control, and honoring others. They also periodically review the school code which discusses all of this (along with doing well in school). In fact, each "routine" they have to learn doesn't start with a punch or a kick - it starts with a defensive block.

The successes that my DS has had in martial arts has given him a whole new outlook on life. He has confidence in himself, he is more respectful to others, and seems much more even-keeled then he did previously. Yes, maybe it's because he's getting older. But I can't help think getting into karate has something to do with it also.

I am so sorry and this breaks my heart. I know from experience how cruel kids can be, because I watched this behavior my whole life... I have a brother who is two years older than me. My whole life I have watched my brother being bullied by everyone. It’s just something about him, despite the fact that he is (was) a nice person, people just picked on him!

My parents tried everything; karate, pets, homeschooling, clubs… he just had a hard time. Such a painful memory for me was when my mother threw him a birthday party, and again, like in your story, the whole neighborhood said they would come but almost NOONE showed up. That scarred him, but it also scarred me and my family, and destroyed relations with the neighborhood. From that day, I have NEVER had a party. Never thrown one and I am in my mid twenties, and my birthday just brings me dread. I am terrified that no one will show up… I can’t imagine the effects it had on my brother.

I have spent my whole life trying to defend my brother. High school was the worse; he was physically beat up, made fun of, terrorized. After graduating, he joined the Marine Corps. He did... alright in the marines. I feel like they accepted him a little more than before, but he still had troubles. My brother started drinking a lot, and got beat up a few times. He gave up drinking, but then started having seizures, and was discharged from the marines. He took this VERY hard, and still to this day, almost 5 years later wishes that he was still in.

He is now in college using the money from the military, but seriously struggles with friends, fitting in, professors, everyone. I have had to cut ties with my brother to a certain extent… I couldn’t stand seeing him struggle anymore, and having nothing that I could do about it. My brother has turned into a very cold, intense person. Socially challenged, cannot get/keep a girlfriend. Thrown himself into a very dogmatic type of religion, and is just so very intense and rigid. He also will take no advice from anyone, and thinks that everyone is against him, started drinking again, and has COVERED a large amount of his body in tattoos (I can only imagine to hide behind them). It is difficult to even talk to my brother… he has also become very cruel in his joking, and slightly racist and extremely homophobic. It is so sad.

I also feel like I have become a cold person as well… I am very defensive when it comes to my family, and I seriously have a hard time finding the good in people, and I feel like this is a direct reflection of the things that I saw my brother going through.

I hope that your SS will be able to make the friends, and become involved and accepted. I feel so sad for people that are bullied… I feel like my brother in a way didn’t even get a CHANCE. I don’t know why people are the way they are, but I agree with your statement that children are evil; I believe that from the depths of my soul. Worst thing is, this could affect someone for the rest of their lives.

In my opinion, bullying never gets better…. It just changes. I have personally experienced bullying (and I truly feel like that is what it was, plain and simple) in my adult more than in my childhood. It hurts. I am so sorry you are going through this.

I was very shy through school. Me & my younger brothers were bullied by many of the kids in our neighborhood. We didn't have a lot of money. Most of our clothes came from yardsales & were knock-off brands. We were raised not to use bad language (though it finds its way back to me sometimes. LOL!) We didn't experiment with drugs, cigs, or alcohol. We just weren't "cool" kids.

I agree wholeheartedly, that children are cruel. I hated school...every year. I found that the friends I had were all the other kids who had no other friends.

As stupid as it sounds, the way I was treated by my peers affected me for years.

The thought of having to experience that again would terrify me. I can't imagine how your SS must feel with that in addition to having to cope with the abuse issues.

I can tell you that my family had dogs while I was growing up. Those dogs were my best friends. My dogs now are my children. If he shows interest, maybe you could take him to a shelter & let him interact with the ones they have there. Let him see if there's one, in particular, he connects well with. If you choose to go that route, perhaps you could let him participate in an obedience training course with the dog. That way, the two of them can form a more structured relationship. It'd give them something to do together & give them an opportunity to bond.

I also like the idea of the library.