Sorry this is long

So after SD20 tried to get DH arrested for incident with SD15 (see previous blog) we told her that she we were no longer paying for her to go to college (15K a year). She has barely spoken to DH in the month since and the two times she has spoken to him he initiated it and she spent the entire conversation complaining about how stressed she was about money and she couldn't pay her phone bill (DHs parents have been paying $100/month for it since she went to college a year and half ago which they have now stopped).

So three weeks ago, DH talked to her in person and confronted her about how she's treated me for the last three years. To her I am the devil. She tells lies about me and what I've "done" to her. For years, she has gone to my in-laws and told them that I've done/said horrible things to her like cussing her out, telling her she had to ask permission to stay at our house, etc. None of which I've done. I've never done or said anything to her that wasn't in her best interests. I've yelled at her 1 time in the four years I've known her. She was yelling at me and I told her to BITE ME. She has turned that into I said F*ck You and to this day, believes that is what I said to her. She said she's going to kick my ass and basically that we're abusing SD15 and SS14 and she's going to take them away from us (this the person who can't pay their own phone bill). So after this conversation she tells DH that she's going to apologize to me and I should expect an email by Sunday (3 weeks ago). It finally came this week. This is the email word for word:

"I don't want to start out apologizing because I know actions speak louder than words. The more and more I think about it I HATE what I've done and I wish more than anything I could take back the things I said. Most of them were out of anger and weren't meant the way they might have been taken, but non the less, they were still hurtful. Honestly, you don't deserve any of this and its finally hit me that I'm so embarrassed that I've been the one contributing that I don't think I deserve a chance to apologize. I was raised better than that and in the past few weeks I've realized that there are underlying issues that I need to take care of and I've handled those issues in the completely wrong way. I think everyone in life has to have that person to blame for things and unfortunately you were mine. To me it was hard to let someone come into my life so easily and change things, but now I know that sometimes things change for the better. I know a lot of times I haven't acknowledged the fact that you do care about me and that it was just as hard for you to walk in as it was for us to let you in. You married us, not just daddy and for me to treat you the way I have isn't fair to you at all. I hope that soon we'll be able to get together and talk as a family because I miss all of you so much and it kills me every day to know that people are unhappy with my actions as well as I am. I've been seeing a therapist at school and it's helped me realize a lot of things. I hope things will get better and I'm trying my best to take responsibility for my actions because well, it's time to grow up and realize that I can't always say what I want and get away with it. I love you, I really do and I hope you know that. Sometimes I don't feel like I show it enough because I'm blessed to have two people that care about me as much as you and daddy do and I appreciate everything that you guys have done for me. I hope things get better and I hope you can find someway to forgive me."

So, the first thing I notice about this, is that she doesn't say I'm sorry. Just that she was angry and people misinterpreted what she said. This girl is a habitual liar, and has lied to us about everything. She told us she was seeing a therapist at school last year also, and it was a lie. She is showing a lot of the characteristics of BPD (which her mother has). Almost everything in this email is regurgitated from the things that DH said to her, none of it is original thought.

What do I do from here? I don't believe she's sorry, I think she misses the gravy train. I have to respond, but how? She hasn't acknowledged that she has tortured me for years, stolen from me, destroyed my things, lied to me and about me, participated in day long rants with BM about me in front of SD15 and SS14 who live with us. I think she honestly thinks that this makes everything OK and all is forgiven.