Weekend Injury and the Meltdown when kids return to BM
Over the weekend, the kids were fighting as they always do, and SD complained about SS injuring her as she always does, even though she's usually the one starting the fight by provoking him. Lately, my tolerance for this fighting has been short, and it's usually about the computer, so my stance is to shut off the computer and tell them to sort it out civilly and then when they can get along once again we can talk about getting the computer back on.
Well, after crying wolf so many times, this time SD's finger was actually injured. She may have mentioned it "SS pulled back my finger" but she did not show it to me, she just went to her room when I took off the computer. Granted, she knew I probably wasn't interested in investigating anyway, because I haven't been doing that, I usually leave her to call "Dadddddddyyyyyyyy!" so she can tattle to him. But DH was asleep and apparently she was scared to wake him up. So neither of us really checked the finger until later, and it turned out it was bruised and swollen.
When I did realize this, I made ice packs for the finger and we rotated between ice packs to help the swelling and moving the finger to make sure circulation doesn't stop. By Sunday, the bruising was gone but the swelling hadn't completely gone down. The finger was injured but SD hadn't been crying or anything, and bending the finger was tolerable with pain only at a certain point. Both DH and I have had finger injuries, and we knew it wasn't broken or dislocated. I was going to splint the finger before she left, but BM called and wanted to get them earlier than usual and I didn't get around to doing it before she arrived.
Anyway, as soon as SD is with BM we get a text about how SD is crying and crying in pain, how her finger is dislocated and DH was too busy having fun on Saturday night to take the child for medical care (we were at his best friend's house on Friday night for a party, BM and the wife of the best friends are supposedly good friends too, but BM did something hurtful to the wife recently and apparently they are not talking, so BM was not invited to the party) and how it is now her problem to deal with.
She took SD to urgent care on Monday. They splinted the finger and said that if the swelling doesn't go down in a week, then it'd have to be checked by a specialist, but that nothing more needs to be done at the moment, just RICE (rest, ice, compression, elevation). As expected, BM refused to pay the Urgent Care Center. She accused us of having the money to have another child, but DH doesn't have the money to pay for his first children's medical expenses. DH was about to blow over this and insist that he wasn't paying a cent for SD's treatment, but I managed to calm him down, and convince him to call and pay with his credit card over the phone. Amazing how poor BMs can get away from paying their share for their own children!
SD told her mom that Stepmom31 didn't care about her injury and dad was asleep. So we both got blasted. I do feel terrible that I didn't pick up on it sooner, but I think that SD is to blame for that, crying wolf all the time leads to this kind of problem. DH was made out as if he is always sleeping and never looking after them, well he works long hours all week and when he does have a weekend off, he does try to catch up on some sleep, it's not a crime. Plus the stepkids are old enough (11&13)where they don't need to be supervised ALL the time, but of course there are differing opinions.
Also, since the kids are doing so badly in school, DH had mentioned this weekend that there is the possibility that they can come live with us so that we can have a tighter rein over school work and discipline. Well, of course that only made matters worse. BM was APPALLED that DH told the kids they would be better off at out house (although that was not what DH said at all) especially since we can barely take care of the kids and keep them from being injured and don't care to take them to the doctor if they are.
Lost in translation. DH is pissed at how everything gets twisted around upon being reported back. We can't figure out if it's the kids twisting it, or BM, or both!
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Comments
I'm with you here kris..sorry
I'm with you here kris..sorry Stepmo31-I can't say I can sympathize w/you or your dh's side on this one -it was your and his responsibility since it was on your watch.
At minimum he shoudl have offered to take her to urgent care or her primary physician on Monday.
Look-I know how it goes-my exh did the same thing when my son cut his finger..he should have taken him to have stiches-but no-he waited till wknd was over and I had to get him to the dr..and pay the bill (plus I already cover medical insurance)-and take time off work for what happened on HIS watch that HE should have taken care of. I KNOW accidents happen-but your watch-you need to take care of it.
I find it odd that the girl didn't feel comfortable coming to EITHER of you knowing she would be dismissed.
AND COMPLETELY out of line to discuss custody changes w/the kids. ENTIRELY wrong.
I totally can side w/bm's response/pov on this one.
ABout the sleeping-I think it's entirely appropiate to take a nap whenever you want-NOT a crime-kids are older-I've taken naps or slept in since my kids were much younger then that.
THAT SAID-I would not go nap if things are testy w/the kids-if their is tension-physical fighting-any of that that he KNOWS is going to happen then he needs to deal w/it and not leave for you to handle. He should ensure the kids are safe and not being physical w/eachother and THEN go take your nap.
Well, then. I did it all
Well, then. I did it all wrong. I should have never treated SD's lice the MULTIPLE times she came to my house infested with it. Not on my watch, not my problem. I am going to put this all down for future reference.
Wow-you're quick today
Wow-you're quick today
Apples/oranges-but I don't expect you to think logical here.
Overit, I am straight. Just
Overit, I am straight. Just want you to know. I am sure you keep stalking and trying to bait me because you are insecure, and feel overwhelmed by my awesomeness, and I can understand the attraction. But I don't do girls. Sorry.
I commented to the OP...you
I commented to the OP...you creep me out honestly.
Sure I do. And your comment
Sure I do. }:)
And your comment fell under mine, not the OP's. Unless you meant to insult the OP. You probably can't keep it straight by now, so I will give you a pass.
I responded after you replied
I responded after you replied to me-you know this...you are crazy and creepy and i wont' argue w/crazy/creepy people anymore. Enjoy your day.
Agg LMAO
Agg LMAO
Hi, Whateva! How have you
Hi, Whateva! How have you been? Did you get that new carpet installed? I meant to get back to you on that, they make this new kind that feels just like real hair, it's pretty cool. I will send you a PM!
ahhh yes Agg, and it was
ahhh yes Agg, and it was rather tasty!
I might blog about it for i think others on this site could appreciate it
I take it you're referring to
I take it you're referring to YOUR ex-husband and the father of YOUR kids right?
Because, my DH taking a nap on the weekends sure does not make him a lazy arse.
Agreed-what makes him lazy
Agreed-what makes him lazy IMO-is taking a nap when the kids are having a physical altercation or before taking care of bsns BEFORE taking a nap to AVOID such altercations.
ESPECIALLY because you say it's a common ocurrence??? And she normally gets hurt? And you normally don't investigate? Dad isn't parenting, period-yes he was being lazy but not ensuring they were safe before his nap-as for urgent care...not sure but at minimum he should have oferred to take to primary dr on monday.
Why the absolute necessity of
Why the absolute necessity of taking sd to the doctor? She sprained her finger. Big deal!! She wasn't bleeding from her head.
And the double standard
And the double standard reigns, no? LMAO. Hang in there!
Overit - do you REALLY think
Overit - do you REALLY think that DH goes to take a nap while there is tension and the kids are fighting? Really?
Nope, most fighting happens when he's in another room or not home or napping. And most of the time they're fighting and laughing/giggling at the same time. They're both slapping, poking, sitting on top each other etc and having a grand ole time, while fighting.
And we did take care of it, just because we didn't rush her to the ER doesn't mean we didn't. She did not need stitches, she did not even need an x-ray, because it was possible to tell that it wasn't broken or dislocated. The Urgent Care doctor did not say that we did not properly treat it, and if SD didn't have to go home early, I would have put a dang splint on her.
I have seriously injured my finger, serious to the point of requiring surgery and physical therapy, I had my finger in a splint for weeks and had home therapy to do every day, so I had a pretty good idea about what to do. I am certainly not blaming SD for injuring her finger, but I do blame her for being the reason why I did not look at it sooner. She did not cry for me as she obviously cried with mom. She did not come to me until after it started swelling. She has feigned and faked injuries many times in the past, and complained about being injured when she was actually the party inflicting the injury. So, it is hard to know when she's being genuine.
My DH pays the insurance, and I have said many times that I am all for paying the kids medical costs anytime BM refuses to pay her half because, to me, that's something essential, just like food.
Regarding the custody stuff, I'm taking note of what everyone says. My gut feel on that one was that it would bring about drama, but DH spoke to them in the context of school work, and yes, he wanted to see what they thought about it, before discussing it with their mother. If they were against it, then he will not even consider it. All this because BM's dad told him that he should take SD to live with us to help straighten her out regarding school. But we should have known really, BM's dad didn't have the balls to tell his own daughter this, so her reaction is certainly to be expected, with good reason. She does take good care of the kids, feed, clothe, love them, she's not an abusive or bad mom as far as I see. The ONLY concern we have is how she handles the kids' school stuff, and we worry about the impact this is going to have in the long run.
Yes, get rid of all " vices"
Yes, get rid of all " vices" until they can quit fighting. It amazes me that things that are man made are causing so much violence all over our planet lately. Anywho,
Who is supposed to pay for medical expenses? It was probable best that DH paid it if the "injury" occured at your home, IMO.
I'm sorry that YOU are in the middle of this huge mess. I'm sure it is beyond frustrating for you.
The only two to blame in this equation are the two bioparents. NOT you.
Shouldn't BM pay half the
Shouldn't BM pay half the medical bill? Do you have to pay when the kids get a cold while on "her watch"?
The irony here, is that IF
The irony here, is that IF this had happened in the BM's home, the kid probably wouldn't have been taken to the ER (Urgent Care) either. This was just another bitch-fest moment for the BM. The child went home Sunday and BM didn't take her to have it looked at until Monday??? Answers a lot of questions there, now doesn't it? The double standard that SM's are expected to deal with is always amusing to me.
SO's children have been turned in to hypochondriacs by BM and demand to be taken to the ER for every tiny little nuisance thing. Some kids are just WIMPS!
Listen, kids get hurt, that's what they do. It's like a rite of passage, lol. Don't let this bitter, vindictive BM get to you. Shit happens and nobody is perfect. Period. Not even psycho mommy, lol.
As far as DH and his sleeping habits. Well, HIS house, HIS rules. (Love how these psycho BM's still attempt to dictate what goes on in their EX's home :jawdrop: .) No need to explain anything to anyone. I agree 11 & 13 are old enough to spend some time occupying themselves. (Geez, it's not like you locked them in the house all by their wittle selves :sick: )
I also agree with you about turning off the PC if they can't find a way to share. Makes perfect sense to me. Let's hope your common sense rubs off on them
Hang in there!
Good call, distorted. Why
Good call, distorted. Why DIDN'T the BM take her on Sunday then?
She waited a day too, don't know why that makes it any different than what the SM did.
But then again, I don't rush my precious darlings to the ER every time they get a bump or a bruise either.
The devil (cough, BM) is
The devil (cough, BM) is ALWAYS in the details, lol.
"Why DIDN'T the BM take her
"Why DIDN'T the BM take her on Sunday then?"
Because concern about her childs 'injury' took a backseat to her NEED to show her a$$. 'Nuff said.
She accused us of having the
She accused us of having the money to have another child, but DH doesn't have the money to pay for his first children's medical expenses.
OMFG Whats HER business in HIS decision to have another child? Are HER children more entitled?! Does she feel that they should be the only ones in his life?
If something like that was said to me or my bf, i think there would be some major fireworks.
Why yes, HER children are
Why yes, HER children are more entitled. They were here first and b/c of this... they are more important. Didn't you get that memo? LMAO.
ROFL I think if i got that
ROFL I think if i got that memo, someone would get behaeded (not sure about the spelling)! :sick:
I feel like puking every time i read that sentence. How could some bitches be so moronic?
Genetics??? IDK. It is what
Genetics??? IDK. It is what it is, lol.
It's not her bsns he is
It's not her bsns he is having more children-but IMO his children from previous relationships are still his responsibility. Who carries medical insurance? Who pays the costs ? What does the CO state?
HONESTLy-i think if this happened on your watch it should be paid by your DH-this did escalate because he neglected his responsibilities.
Accidents happen-like a kid gets cut or jumps off a tree, etc...but a physical altercation that should have been stopped by the adults occurred and imo that makes it his (dads) responsibility.
Kids will fight-times it can get phsyical it's up to the adults to make it stop-if you don't and something happens you should deal w/it, period.
"but a physical altercation
"but a physical altercation that should have been stopped by the adults occurred and imo that makes it his (dads) responsibility."
Doesn't this make it the BM's responsibility as well then??? Just following your logic. If anyone belives these kids act out ONLY @ BD's/SM's, that's just utter BS. I imagine now we'll hear that they have never gotten hurt @ BM's, right? Again, utter BS for anyone who believes that.
Do you want to know the difference here???? These kids are systematically brainwashed in to keeping their little traps shut about what goes on at BM's house b/c that's exactly how BM wants it. BD's aren't usually tangled up in the whole house spy thing b/c men are wired differently and certain situations are just not that dramatized.
Again, I say.... the devil is in the details. This BM WAITED to take precious to the Urgent Care until Monday. Seems to me she just wanted something to find fault with (like many controlling BM's.)
Distorted-what goes on at
Distorted-what goes on at BM"s house is hers to deal with-what goes on at bd's smoms house is theirs to deal with.
What does your rant have to do w/the price of tea in china?
"Distorted-what goes on at
"Distorted-what goes on at BM"s house is hers to deal with-what goes on at bd's smoms house is theirs to deal with."
There ya go, right there. Thanks for proving my point. What goes on at BM's house is HERS to deal with. Good one. What goes on at BD's house is HIS to deal with. Neither bios get a 'get out of jail free card' here. They are both culpable as to HOW their children ACT OUT.... no matter WHERE they are at the time. BM in this case wants to set a double standard which in my experience is the case with these controlling BM's. She herself did not acttually deem it an emrgency b/c she didn't take that child to the Urgent Care until Monday. Then she wants to come back and act all parental about it?? BS. It's a classic power play that I see on this very site day after day. Sorry if my calling BS upsets you. It is what it is. *Note* I wonder if BM placed the blame where it rightly belongs.... her own SON. I'm betting not.
I'm not ranting. If I were, I'd be more long winded like um.... others who have posted. Instead I am to the point. I know, that chaps the a$$ of a lot of PA types. Oh well.
^^^^ This^^^^
^^^^ This^^^^
Stepmom1 First of all kids
Stepmom1
First of all kids get hurt often and most times they over exaggerate anyway , so not taking her for a hurt finger isn't uncommon.
As a person who totally believe in my BF parenting his OWN kids when they are here, i certainly do not think your husband is a lazy bum because he takes a nap. I so love the drama that some BM's bring to the most minor scenario
Damn, that lazy ass cow poor
Damn, that lazy ass cow poor excuse for a mom....she's lazy, neglects the kids-can't even take care of them and then talks to them about living w/her when we have custody-whotf does she think she is? Things like that should never be discussed in front of the kids. It gives them adult status....and well it happens all the time-apparently they fight a lot and she does nothing to stop it just takes her drunk/druggy arse to bed prolly cuz she was out whoring around all night..then's too lazy to parent--or waits till it's gone to far...never notified us she got hurt in time nor got her medical care...unreal!
LOL- welcome to steptalk-where double standards rule!
If your post was directed to
If your post was directed to me kris . I would think it was pretty par for the course! just like when they are CONSTANTLY sick and sent to my home coughing and hacking all over the place and clearly the BM also don't believe in teaching certain social graces like covering ones mouth or washing hands....yeah BM's are to busy wondering how they will go about their next drama filled text or phone call, or how to get more money in CS than teach such manners to their custodial kids??? Nope don't think a man taking a nap is the problem, perhaps stop giving these spoiled ass kids computers and hand held games and allow them to use their brains sometimes might be a bigger issue. Yeah normal humans take naps! i guess that is why i love my life with out kids because I adore naps God, i guess if I had kids I would be stoned for doing such!
I agree. I am continually
I agree. I am continually amazed at these posters who are on a step-parents board and want everyone to see the BM's point of view, and then don't like what they hear. I just don't get why the poor man can't take a damn nap. LOL
exactly! i often wonder if a
exactly! i often wonder if a woman don't have step kids why is she even intrigued by this site? I guess i could stomache a differing opinion if it were logical, but when you combine bitterness with a scorned ex ...logic becomes an antiquated notion
He isn't allowed to take a
He isn't allowed to take a nap b/c he is less important than the kids. Didn't you hear, the kids rule the home these days. Oh wait, I meant the kids and the BM, lmao.
That's what is so funny-we
That's what is so funny-we aren't talking about 4 and 5 year olds here. We are talking about half grown kids. She did the right thing, husband is sleeping after working hard all week, SK's are arguing, and SM takes the computer away. End of story. What kind of stupid would you be to go WAKE UP someone to referee a fight over a computer that you can take care of yourself?
It's my house. I can take a computer away from SK's if I want to, without running to DH and needing his "intervention." Sheesh.
I guess it is lazy to expect
I guess it is lazy to expect someone else to deal with your kids. However, if there is mutual agreement by the other party to help take care of the kids, then I don't see any reason to call that person lazy. And I am very supportive of my DH and his kids. My DH busts his ass for all of us, and I have no problem looking after the kids while he takes a well-deserved nap. Many times he has to work on the weekends and I am at home with his kids. I cook, play with them, help them with their schoolwork etc. all as part of a mutual agreement in our marriage. I have drawn a specific line at being financially responsible for them, though I have no problem making sure their essential needs are met - housing, food, clothes, medical care, school stuff.
Anyway, in the scenario you paint, I think that Dad would certainly not be going ballistic, I think that kind of response is really a "mom" thing, whether a BM or SM. A dad is probably more likely to say, "Ok, we'll see how the finger is doing during the week, and if we have to go the specialist we'll go." SS would be in big trouble for damaging his princess, no mention would be made of BM. And then he'll reminisce proudly with the kids about all the injuries he got as a kid, and they'd be in awe listening to his stories, and want to grow up to be tough like dad.
Plus the scenario was: SS11 was having his turn on the computer, SD13 goes over there. Sometimes they both sit there and share their turns so as to have double computer time, sometimes they don't. I heard the arguing but didn't see the physical fighting because it stopped before I got over there. Noone was crying in pain or obviously physically hurt. It's not the first time. I've done the exact same thing before, separated them and shut off the computer, and told them to go cool off and sort things out civilly, and DH had agreed with the way I handled it.
Whateva-how the kids are
Whateva-how the kids are behaving while at dads house is his responsibility....they are great at throwing blame at bm's but not taking responsibility for dealign w/their kids while at their house-since after all they only have them a couple days.
BULLSHIT. If a fight escalates it's his to deal with-if the deal is the computer then HE shoudl take it away ...his house, his discipline and let bm figure out hers. You can't force divorced parents to parent the same or by our expectations or rules-otherwise if they agreed they likely wouldn't have been divorced.
But I see a lot of slack here on part of biodads not owning up and shaping their kids up and blaming everything on bm's...very convenient but a poor excuse also.
Guess what-my fsd acts sometimes at my house-we can sit there and blame bm for being a bully and teaching her daughter bully ways -which we KNOW is true. BUT we still have to deal w/her behavior when she's w/us. When a fight escalates between her and my bioson which she has 99pct provoked-we have to deal w/it and ensure they don't get hurt.
That means staying on top of them-putting timers on for the computer-sending them in time outs, and him being there present physically until bedtime. YES we would love naps-but when we know a situation is volatile and apt to blow up as a regular ocurrence we would adjust our sleeping comfort until we felt that it is safe to leave them to themselves.
As I said-I can take naps/sleep in w/my bios all the time-when he's here we both can..when his D is here we just can't...it is what it is, we deal w/it because he's responsible for her well-being, safety and that she doesn't injure anyone while here. Some kids can't be trusted alone...sounds like his kids are like this. That's why I think he shouldn't be taking naps if he knows his kids get this way. He has to teach them to stay apart or get along. This goes WAY back.
I taught my kids this before they entered school.
Edited: They are his kids-how about HE deals w/it and smom takes a nap??? He knows they do this, obviously w/out a doubt they will act out per smoms words-so then adjust your nap schedule EOW when kids are with you and parent them.
Overit that is your household
Overit that is your household rules, does not mean that is how all blended households work and just because that is your reality don't verbally assault someone because a man took a nap. Hell who is going to sit and watch kids like hawks every second ???? unless they are infants of course.
Listen you are preaching to the choir to me because i don't care to have any part in watching or being totally responsible for SO's kids, i totally believe it is his deal and if i have opinions about his parenting style which i do, i pull him aside to address it. Now that isn't to say if he is in another room and I notice the kids jumping on my furniture that i will not say something to them, there is not a need to run in the next room to grab him. So my point is if in the OP's home he decides to nap, and she happen to be there to witness disruptive behavior so what??? Knowone is necessarily neglectful in my opinion.
i know of a situation where a friends daughter had broken her finger and neither BIO parent knew it for over a day and when she finally went to ER that is when it was discovered, they thought it was a sprain and iced it and wrapped it....don't make the 2 bio parents bad parents do it? or I guess all rules don't count unless it involves married , non divorced bio parents...I know that makes life all better doesn't it? Kids tussle, fuss and fight often as sibling do and most parents are not in the room sitting with arms folded watching all the time, who does that?
Just one note ok. We have
Just one note ok. We have them every weekend. Jan-Jun is DH's busy season. He works 8am-8pm and sometimes later and sometimes on weekends if deadlines need to be met for stuff to be shipped, as part of his regular salaried job. Many times it's labor intensive, carrying stuff, building crates, bending over tables to cut, on his feet a lot, so my DH really does need to rest sometimes. If he doesn't rest and doesn't take care of himself and his body, he may end up sick and unable to work and unable to take care of these kids. Parents also have this right, to take care of themselves.
But DH and I will certainly both deal with these kids and their fighting.
I think dad has the right to
I think dad has the right to nap if he needs to nap.Usually naps consist of 30 or 40 minutes only anyway.If the kiddies can't entertain themselves for that short period of time then there's something wrong with them.the computer needs to go byebye when skids come that way there are no more physical altercations about it.SS needs to get his ass beat for hurting his sister then his sister needs to be told that when she's honestly hurt,she needs to tell someone even if she thinks they won't care.Dh should have paid for the urgent care bill but even better,bm should have taken her to the regular physician to avoid the costly medical bill from urgent care.typically a physician will see an injured child on short notice and since she already waited til monday to take her anywhere,why not just go to the regular doctor and save everyone money??
in the cases where the kids have lice(read this earlier and wanted to comment),if they got the lice while at school then both parents need to pay to treat the lice at their own home.in my opinion,the child shouldn't even go to the other parents house if they've already infested one home with lice.i think the parent with the infested home should treat the problem until it's gone THEN visits can resume as normal.If the kids got the lice from Bm's house,she needs to pay for treatment at dad's house especially if she didn't tell dad the kids had bugs in their damn heads.
"If the kids got the lice
"If the kids got the lice from Bm's house,she needs to pay for treatment at dad's house especially if she didn't tell dad the kids had bugs in their damn heads."
Well, you would think she would pay,you know, since it happened on her watch and all.
Nope, she would send them every weekend crawling with bugs. They didn't get it at school, I am sure they were the givers. I would spend every weekend washing, combing, washing again, and send them back to their idiot mother, and the next weekend start all over again. I spent HUNDREDS of dollars, not to mention the time. Don't know why that's apples to oranges, unless someone is a bleeding heart, bitter BM who wants to blame everything on stepmoms.
that makes me all itchy.i
that makes me all itchy.i understand headlice are easily transferred but to have them multiple times?that's disgusting.i feel bad you had to deal with that nastiness in your home!!I'd lose my mind!
If it happened at BM's she should send them with treatment supplies if she's sending them at all.Personally,if they were mine,they would have stayed home to avoid passing it back and forth between homes.But then of course I'd be called a bitchy pasing BM for keeping dad away from the kids!lol
I wanted DH to not get the
I wanted DH to not get the kids until it got under control, but he didn't want to give up seeing them, so this is what we had to do. I think BM had it for months. She tried washing their hair with dog shampoo, since it works on fleas or something. She is truly a moron.
And my kids had NEVER had them, so I had to drop everything the minute SK's showed up every Friday and treat their hair immediately, wash their clothes, etc.
Thinking back on this, i deserved a medal!!!!
LOL
gross.you DO deserve a medal
gross.you DO deserve a medal for that.Dh would have had to take his visits with his kids at a hotel.
Dog shampoo...that has to be the most moronic thing I've heard in a LONG time.the cheese has definitely slid off her sandwich.what an idiot.sometimes I wonder how people like this remember to breathe and wipe their own ass.
OMG AGG! That is gross, but
OMG AGG!
That is gross, but good point similar scenario. I think the point is when you get in to this petty argument on who should be fully responsible it gets grey sometimes. Like I said frankly I would prefer it if when his kids were sick which seems like all the time, that she should keep them home (which some will not agree with) or take them to the darn Dr. since they always seem to have a cold.Last year I kept a cold I could not get rid of it due to this , so BM should be made to pay for any missed work that I had LOL now this year I lysol and bleach when they leave like they are leppers LOL, but it could be an argument that if she (BM) was more on top of medical issues perhaps the kids would not constantly be sick or still soiling sheets at their age...if the BM in our case were more adamant on those types of issues instead of calling with silly complaints and plotting to get more child support, the kids would be better off as a result and less germy when visiting others.
Whateva-do you know what
Whateva-do you know what respecting others opinions mean? It's my opinion and pov abotu the situation-didn't say you or anyone has to agree. That's just how I see it.
OF COURSE nobody is there all the time watching kids argue-they sometimes get into fights and altercations, that's normal-the op made it sound like a regular occurrence w/someone claiming also to get hurt-hence my apprehension of leaving the kids unsupervised...OR is you are leaving them unsupervised then deal w/the consequences once you are up if they are injured w/out yelling about how BM handled it. That's the double standard that rules and bothers me of this site.
My brothers and I fought-my kids fight-somehow though I've never once had them have a fight while I was sleeping-maybe I just taught them well?
I'd say of the times fsd is at my place if she does spend the night-the bf normally gets up much earlier then if it's just us and my bios...but the times she's there and all kids are up before us...MOST of the time they got along at least until we got up lol.
I don't know-somewhere there dad is failing to teach kids on HIS TIME, in HIS HOUSE to respect his rest time, to respect eachother and not give grief....to stay away from eachother if a parent is sleepign. NOTHING wrong w/a nap-again, he SHOULD be able to-but UNTIL they have learned to behave then he should put it aside and deal w/it.
What consequence did the boy have for hurting his sister anyway?
Overit- I would have to be a
Overit- I would have to be a complete idiot to not know what respecting others opinions mean ..right? so you can keep that sarcastic , condescending crap for another bullying blog.
So if you believe in respecting others opinions then practice it! First and foremost i think there are tons of kids that act out and I think more bio parents in blended situations should be more accountable but I think everyone is so concerned with coddling kids of divorce that structure and discipline is thrown out the window, I see it from my SO and the BM...I can see things objectively and will call him out as a passive parent in a heartbeat so I am not one that cant see deficiencies in both parents.
I feel that the husband being called lazy etc and the implication that they are poor parents because they did not take her to urgent care was over kill! Yeah I take health issue seriously but if parents took kids every single time a bump or bruise incur well who would have time to work or eat?
TRUE-I understand-I don't
TRUE-I understand-I don't take my kids for every bruise and bump either. My oldest skateboards, a lot and does very well...he's had multiple injuries, one ER visit w/staples/stitches to his head, the finger cut w/his jumping off a rock onto his board (while w/dad), he's had various scrapes, bruises and bumps...so I don't rush him unless it's serious.
So I'm not an overreacting bm
And let me add that I think the BM COULD have taken him to primary instead of urgent care IMO-that's what I did-well let me rephrase-the primary couldn't see him-so I phoned for other drs in the area that accepted our insurance and had him seen.
They recommended an x-ray which I declined because I knew he didn't need one-just another way for drs to keep $ coming in.
So yeah-urgent care was unecessary in this case IMO. That's why I said maybe dad should have offered to call primary and take time off work to have the kid seen. It's hard to tell w/finger injuries if it's broken or not sometimes I agree-but most of the times a splint, ice take care of it.
"but I think everyone is so concerned with coddling kids of divorce that structure and discipline is thrown out the window"
TRUE-but in this case why isn't the dad applying discipline and structure while the kids are at his house? We see it all the time-and I guarantee you 90pct of the time it's the dads that coddle and spoil and don't discipline their children of divorce...not the bm's nor the smoms.
Want to comment on a couple
Want to comment on a couple comments thrown out there.
First of all-kids do get lice from school, sometimes multiple times. Typically some kids are more susceptible to catching them then others.
Second...no need for anyone to spend hundreds of dollars to cure these.
Listerine w/a cap for a while, then wash w/a cocunut shampoo w/a a few drops of tea tree oil and use the metal comb (no need to buy special shampoos, etc) You can dunk the comb in white vinegar when combing out. Treatment will have to be repeated every week for a weeks to kill of all the new bugs.
Clothes/bedding should be washed in hot water-also add some tea trea oil drops (smells strong) to the wash. Everytime they comb you can make a mix of listerine, tea tree and vinegar and water to a spray bottle to avoid them jumping back on.
YES I've had to deal w/lice twice w/my youngest-once w/my oldest-and one time they passed to me-imagine I have hair close to my waist so that was a pain-unfortunately it happens. SUCKS but no need to spend tons of money.
I honestly think lice and a finger injury ARE very different matters, entirely-but maybe I"m just crazy.
I wonder if by saying dad needs to take responsibility over and over means you're a bitter bm and blaming the smom? Cuz I haven't seen that.
Lice and finger injuries are
Lice and finger injuries are 2 different diagnosis, however the point is who is financially responsible when these mishaps happen? Frankly I would resent having to deal with the annoyances of lice in my household just like spreading germs period, for i am a stickler for cleanliness and get very offended when ppl cough with out covering their mouth and not washing hands which spread germs ?I would probably be offended if I had to deal with a finger injury but also something like that could have happened while the kid was in school too, and i am sure it would not be such a big deal either but it happened on Step and bio dad's watch so let the games begin!!!!!!!!
I would think ideally they
I would think ideally they would go by court order splitting costs honestly. BUT...hey then again by court order my ex is supposed to split uncovered costs co-pays etc and hasn't once in 7 years -even though I pay for the insurance and premiums and all that.
Life isn't always fair.
There is NO excuse for a kid
There is NO excuse for a kid to have head lice for months on end, and go untreated at BM's house. NONE. That is neglect, and at the very least downright nasty.
I treated it the way I wanted to treat it. It beat dog shampoo.
Oh I agree....normally if
Oh I agree....normally if treated properly it takes a couple weeks to get rid of...as you can kill the bugs easy but have more eggs that might have not been caught w/the comb that hatch-hence why you repeat treatment -eliminate the cycle you get rid of the problem-also why all bedding should be washed. I'm with you there!
Of course you treat it as you want to-I'm just saying that there really is no need to spend hundreds to take care of that problem-OR use dog shampoo
" Vices Over Virtues" The
" Vices Over Virtues"
The coming wave of the future...I'm thinking about moving to Idaho or something to get away from all of the techno madness that is speading worse than H1N1 to the googleplex...
Forgive my ranting.
did you see that news story
did you see that news story on 'walking while distracted'? it was the dumbest thing i've ever seen.people getting run over by cars and crushed by trucks bc they're playing on their phones and ipads!tragic accidents of course but I couldn't help but shake my head and laugh at these idiots.
Or the stupid lady that was
Or the stupid lady that was texting walking out of the dept store-fell into the fountain (HILARIOUS btw) and now is trying to sue the dept store for releasing the video making fun of her and embarassing her...she claims that even though you couldn't see who she was in the video SHE knew who she was and was embarrased...and came all over the news to share her story...friggin moron, entitled sue happy Americans I tell ya LOL
Yes, I did see that.
Yes, I did see that. Actually, I could just walk outside right now and see the same exact thing. I feel like one of those humans walking around that were still semi-normal in the movie, "Invasion Of The Body Snatchers."
Techno madness evolving faster than humanity...
Pay no heed to my mad rants. LOL
OH I'm with you-my bf is the
OH I'm with you-my bf is the biggest ranter about this-while he refuses to get online even lol.
Have you seen the movie Surrogates by the way?
Yes, I have actually.
Yes, I have actually. (yikes)
Too bad my career was geared to be involved with IT 4-5 days a week. I have seen programs, software, and the actual product itself that would blow you away. I'm "inching" away from it after a decade now. I think seeing so much has opened my eyes actually.
(not trying to be Sarah Connor though here.)
1984 was before its time.
Op I agree that the mom
Op I agree that the mom should not have waited a day to take her to the clinic. You and your dh took care of this YOUR way not anyone elses way namely the bm. I think you both did a great job. It was a bruised figure nothing more. Please I didn't go to the ER over a bruised figure and I have had my fair share.
Anyway don't listen to the ones that are telling you that you did wrong. B/c if it had happened at bm's she wouldn't have taken her to the ER either. First of all this kids are not 2 they are teens and should act like it! I understand why you didn't look at her finger. I wouldn't worry about it b/c all this bm is trying to do is still control how you do things at your house and you have every right to do things YOUR way not her way!!!! Good grief people! This is so stupid to be talking this way to this sm!
Wow what alot of drama your
Wow what alot of drama your post has created. Didnt read all the comments-but I will say I dont think you did anything wrong. I would have done the same thing. I think at this point the computer should just be put away when the kids are there for the weekend. Let them know that you can't tolerate the physical altercations and since someone got injured over it then it's just gone until they can show more mature behavior.
I wouldnt have paid the entire bill. I would have done it per the court order. "It happened on his watch" is a stupid concept. If one of the children got in a car accident on bm's watch and was in a life threatening situation costing thousands of dollars should just bm be responsible for it? No, of course not-the child was injured by the other child in the family-both parents should have split the bill according to the court order.
I agree that 11 and 13 years should be able to behave responsibly for a short time while their parent naps. My 13dd babysits other children for hours at a time-i dont need to sit and stare at her for hours on end to make sure she's not misbehaving. I also have an 11 year old son so I certainly understand the arguing-I too remove items. I also send them to their room when they argue. There does seem to be behavioral issues with these kids as although my kids argue I cant really say that they've ever injured one another (as long as we are leaving my ss out of this discussion)the very most I have ever seen them do is give a shove which p.o.'s me to no end and the offender is then punished (whether he or she started it or not).