I JUST WANT TO FEEL LIKE A FAMILY
this is the fourth time i try to post something. my computer is acting crazy so i will just get to the point this time and skip all the honey moon story. i have one 3 year old and 1 on the way. my boyfriend has 2 kids from previous relationship 3 and 6. well years of dealing with the 6 year old's sassy mouth and disrespect has subsided. now the 3 year old is showing severe signs of autism. he only eats certain foods, he does not talk, he just started walking, and he is violent toward my 3 year old daughter. my bf defends his behavior with his condition which is not fair to my daughter to get scratch and she did not do anything and it hurts me deeply to see her hurt. i talk to my bf about how i feel and he thinks that i am trying to make him neglect his kids which that is not wat i want i just want them to be civilized. the 6 year old has occasional tantrums and wants this and that and blah blah but her behavior has improved thanks to me. i have talked to her and punished her until she understood that there are rules here and will be followed. her mother has no rules because her mother lets the grandmother raise her daughter while her and her son live in fema trailer in the backyard.y? idk!!! well with that being said i have a child on the way and i don't want my child to face all this upon being born. WELL MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE PUT THIS FIRST my boyfriend is only off of tuesdays and sundays and saturday and sunday the week that he has his kids. well he gets paid that weekend and we have to drive 60 miles one way to get the kids and 60 back home and then sunday 60 more to drop off etc. honestly the tuesday and sundays are not good days to have with him because he sleeps all day being he worked the day before and has to go to bed early foor work the next day not to mention we are broke from the weekend with his kids. so its no fun at all. we dont go any where as a family and it is painful because if we go somewhere with his kids it is not a family feeling to me i am ry i want my daughter to have time with him and where we can be a family. i feel sorry that the other kids dont live with him but why should we suffer also. i tell him how i feel and he does like he cares and then turns the table like i am trying to make him neglect his kids which i am not i just want my daughter to have a father because i never did and it hurts me. he works late everynight and leaves early and i feel that our relationship is falling apart over this. my thoughts are scattered because my feelings are but if anyone understands or can give advice please do but remember that anything that i say about his kids is taken in a way that in a negative way even if i try to compromise with him he wont . i am to the point where i dont know if we will make it because of his immature parenting and umcompromising ways. i am to go back to school in august and this is holding me back because nursing u have no time for all this HELP
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HELP
HELP
CH21, No advice, except
CH21, No advice, except please use paragraphs when you write. It makes it a lot easier to read, and therefore respond.
um my first thought, he's
um my first thought, he's only bf so there's no "real commitment" in my opinion (not saying who's commited and who's not, but SOMEONE is not commiting), you guys have a baby on teh way yes, but still, you're not WIFE, i sure wouldn't be "babysitting" the kids while he sleeps if he wants the visitation, he needs to use it, on the other hand, make plans for you and yours to enjoy yourselve's on the weekends while his kids run amuck.........would be fine by me to be honest. then he has no excuse to "make the kids listen" and pick up or what ever, because you guys wernt' there to make the mess
First of all, realize that
First of all, realize that your bf is working to support your family. Without his efforts, you don't eat or have heat in the winter. He is probably putting all his effort into his job because if not, everyone loses.
Give him credit for being a provider first. Now, he is not the best of parenting. In his mind, it is not his primary responsibility. Men (no offense) can tend to have a one track mind, and providing money is a means of showing you love. And he is defensive because of "guilty daddy" syndrome.
I agree with spunki that you need to become educated about autism in order to help the child with it and it will also give you some tools to deal with the child. The children are a product of their environment.
Once they get older...say 12+...and there is a 60 minute distance, they will not want to come on designated weekends as much because of their social life.
If you want to make it in this relationship, you are going to have to buck up. It is going to be a long, hard ride and it will get worse before it gets better. Try to learn to negotiate with bf in a way that gets you some of the things you need but also gives him some things he needs.
And...protect your daughter from the violent ones. Keep her in your eyesight when they are around.
I also liked the idea of not
I also liked the idea of not riding with him during the pickup/dropoff. I know you are probably lonely, but let him have FULL advantage of his little "darlings" by himself. It will give him a chance to form his own opinion that they are bratty and it makes him take responsibility. Then, he will come to you for empathy....and you can then have him communicating with you.
thanks for the comments.
thanks for the comments. losorry i did not write in paragraphs but i read many other blogs who didnot either and i was able to understand what was going on for the most part. no we are not married but that does not mean much in today's society. in God's eyes yes but society no. married people are not necessarily happier or more likely to work. this is why we have not gotten married. marriage just will complicate things further and we don't need that now. i know that the situation won't change anytime soon. i will take the advice given and hope that it makes the situation bareable. but to who said that a mixed home is difficult u are soo right..it may be my new fb status lol. i have read a lot autism and professional help is needed to try to make the condition better and he is getting what is being offered to my knowledge. the disease can vary from mild to severe and there are actually different types of autism. its a very complex illness and i am having a hard time with it. like for christmas my tree was so beautiful then ss came and destroyed it in the blink of an eye and its things like that, that are hard to deal with because it takes from my own daughter because she helped and was hurt. yeah we did it again after they left but it seems unfair to her. keep the comments coming this venting stuff helps....