Need some opinions please...
SS22 was living with us up until about 3 weeks ago. DH had told him that I was going to be setting up some rules so for him to be prepared... needless to say, he left and never came back. (rules included $100 per month rent, $25 per week for food if he ate here, must maintain a job and could only change jobs if it was for more money or better benefits, must be respectful to everyone in the home, etc) SS22 didn't even bother to wait and find out what the rules were. He heard "RULES" and he bailed! SHOCK right? (A little background... SS22 moved in here I don't even remember how long ago. This was supposed to be an opportunity for him to get a job and start saving money so that he could get on his feet and prepare to be a father because his gf was pregnant with his child. It turned into not saving a dime, being gone 3-5 days at a time, coming and going when he pleased, talking about his recreational pot usage and how nothing is wrong with that at the kitchen table with dd13 and dd10 sitting right there, coming here only to shower and eat our food, paying no rent, not offering to pay for food, and not even maintaining insurance on his own car. When his car needed tired... dh purchased those for him too... that is why I decided to set up some RULES. I think it was long overdue and hubby continued to enable ss22 despite even his own sister telling him that he was being STUPID and he is not a stupid man.)
Well, here is my dilemma. SS22 has left my spare room full of his crap. Alcohol bottles that he was "collecting", shoes, some clothes, some furniture, etc. Personally, I am ready to box this crap up and get rid of it since it's obviously not important enough for him to come and get it and move it to wherever he is now. However, I know if I just walked in there and started packing crap up, dh is GOING to have a cow. I have already heard the excuses that SS22 doesn't have anywhere to put his stuff... he can't afford storage... blah, blah, blah. Well, my plan is after Christmas to turn my extra room into a "she den" with a tv, stereo, etc so that I have a personal space to retreat to while dh watches his paranormal shows, wrestling, SYFY network, and everything else I cannot stand to watch 24/7.
So what do you think? Do I go in there and box everything up and throw it in the attic and utilize whatever he has in there that I can use? Do I sell it all? Do I throw it all in the front yard? Do I give a deadline of December 31st for him to get his crap out of my house since I don't plan to start my room until January? Any other ideas y'all might have are welcome as well!
- TheWickedStepmom's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I would give him until
I would give him until Saturday to come and get his shit or it will be going to good will and I would tell DH to stuff it that you want the room and if SS wants to store things there then he needs to pay a fee like a storage place would charge - wouldn't you want that room to be all nice for the holidays and turn it into a she den before christmas - I say you think Merry Christmas to Me and take back your freaking house!!
If there is anything in the room that you can utilize I say go for it but I doubt it with him being in there - get rid of his shit - you owe him nothing and he has been very disrespectful and if DH says a word tell him to watch Judge Judy she is always telling people you need to make people aware of what you are going to do but once you give him the deadline all bets are off - enjoy that new room!!
Amen sister!!
Amen sister!!
I love it! Do the man cave
I love it! Do the man cave for sure!
Your idea of the deadline
Your idea of the deadline sounds perfect. You can tell him if he doesn't get his stuff out of the room by Dec 31 you'll box it up and stick it in the attic. In my experience with 20-something kids, storage space (within reason) is a major need they have from parents, so that doesn't sound unreasonable.
Thanks ladies. I like the
Thanks ladies. I like the idea of 2 weeks, but honestly, I don't want to deal with this BS during Thanksgiving. I'm looking forward to a peaceful one this year. So maybe the day after Thanksgiving I will tell him he has 2 weeks to come and get his things. If he doesn't come and get them, I will box them up and put them in the attic. I guess if he doesn't want me going through his crap, he'll come deal with it.
Ya know... this doesn't feel like disengaging. Should I make dh tell him to come get his crap, then if he refuses to tell him I do it? I really don't want to deal with it honestly... I just want my room back.
I thought I had crap with the
I thought I had crap with the sc's - Luckily I'm not. I can't believe that a person off his age - soon becoming a parent himself could be so mindless. I also had a tiff with the rules thing with my stepkids. They simply followed the rules for a day and afer that they told me that their mom said that they arn't allowed to follow my rules cause I want to treat them like maids. . . WTF!!! So they get royal treatment at their house with her cause off the maid that my bf pays a chit load of money for.
I'm feeling with you sister!!!
I have always had a problem
I have always had a problem with the alcohol bottles. Hubby does not. Hubby has always said, "I collected them when I was his age too..." blah, blah, blah. Hubby did EVERYTHING ss22 has done so dh feels "sorry" and empathetic for baby boy. I am so sick of hearing the excuses for his kids. I really am. We have actually gotten into arguments about these same bottles in the past... and you see they are still here.
StepAside, I really like and appreciate the fact that I should ask questions to my hubby rather than make statements. With most people this could very easily avoid an argument. However, my dh has a horrible temper and he doesn't care if you are asking questions or directing statements. Either way he will be pissed off. Here's an example...
dh's 5 month old grandson by sd20 has been sick for a couple of weeks. sd20 has not bothered to take him to the doctor. I suggested to hubby last week to tell her that she should get him to the doctor because he is a baby and colds like that can easily turn into RSV virus or pneumonia so you have to be careful. She didn't listen to hubby (big shock). Last night hubby tells me that sd's fiance (who dh works with) will be getting off early tomorrow (like I give a crap, but he brought it up so ok). I asked him why (I am not angry with the fiance and I figure dh is just talking so I'll bite). DH said he was going to grandson's doc appt. I just stood there with this astounded look on my face with the thoughts going THROUGH MY HEAD, "SD20 is a SAHM that can't even clean her damn house... now she cannot go to the damn doctor by her baby ass self?!?" I calmly muttered out, "Why?" then I instantly thought, "NO... DISENGAGE!" Right at that time, my dh gets completely defensive and about bites my freakin' head off and says, "What business is it of YOURS what he uses his vacation time for?" I held up my hands in the air and said loudly, "DIENGAGED!!" and I didn't say another word, turned around and went back to my seat at the computer. I didn't do anything that required him to jump down my throat, but because he knew what I was getting at without even saying it out loud, he jumped down my throat anyway. So point is, it doesn't matter how I say things, how I request things, how nice I am about it or how witchy I am about it... if it's about his kids AT ALL, I am going to be jumped all over because I even THOUGHT it about HIS KIDS. LOL
But I will probably at least attempt that route first and then go from there. If dh doesn't want to deal with it, I may end up taking a day off work so I can pack all this crap up without hubby being there and stash it away in the attic. He would never know one way or another until my room was finished and I was suddenly not spending so much time in front of his computer or his tv anymore. he's oblivious. LOL
I once had an XBF leave his
I once had an XBF leave his very nice collector Corvette at my house after my repeated requests for him to come and get it. He NEVER had somewhere else to store it, blah blah blah. Finally I had it towed to a storage unit, paid the first month's bill, and sent the information to the XBF. He could either get it out of storage or lose it. Amazingly he found somewhere else to put the stupid car within a few days.
Rent a storage unit for SS's stuff (ALL of it - trash and everything - box up every shred of it) and give him the information on where he can either get his stuff or continue to pay the bill. He's an adult, he'll figure it out.
Not A Clue has it. I had a
Not A Clue has it. I had a BF who left stuff at my place. I boxed it all up and put it on the front porch. Then I called him and told him if it was still there it would be at the curb next with a "free" sign. And it was raining. Stuff was gone when I got home!
Thank you to everyone for all
Thank you to everyone for all of the responses!! I do have a 4 day weekend next weekend because of Thanksgiving so I think I will be cleaning out a room and getting it ready for my she den! I will ask dh tonight if he has heard from ss22 about getting his stuff out of the room. If he says no then I will simply say, "Well, I will be packing up everything in that room next week if he doesn't come to get it." I am not going to say what I will do with it after I pack it up. Maybe if he isn't sure he will deal with it... he would be expecting me to throw it away or take it to goodwill.
I did tell dh a couple of weeks ago that from now on HE would be the one dealing with his kids that I was completely done. I guess if he doesn't want me to do things MY way, he best start dealing with them rather than sitting on his dead butt doing nothing.... right???
Thanks for listening and letting me vent!!
I would box it up, put it in
I would box it up, put it in the back yard and cover it with a tarp. When it sits out there and rots for a few months move it to the curb, call SS-22 and tell him that the next day is trash day and if he wants his crap he better pick it up before the garbage truck drives by.
Enjoy your Princes Palace.
Best regards,
Thank you for the tips and
Thank you for the tips and advice! I will definitely check into laws before I do anything that could possibly damage or destroy his items. I really don't have it in me to tear up his stuff... I just want his crap out of my room! LOL And it would be nice to have DH do something to back ME up rather than having his head up sk's butts all the freakin' time and defending them when they don't need defending.