Going back a couple weeks, just to get some of this documented on here in case any future discussions come up where people want to know what's going on. I started an electronic journal just as this was starting ... but got lost on it because of my reactions when I sink into a depression.

This is going to be a long post.

Feel free to leave comments if you want to. If there's something that I specifically want feedback on, I will ask for it. For now, the purpose is getting it out and on the record as I mentioned above.

Wednesday, July 28th

When I went in to wake SS6 up, he was laying in his bed awake. I said good morning and crawled in next to him to cuddle. He said “I don't want to leave.” I asked him what he meant, did he mean he wanted to stay in bed? He said he didn't want to go to Day Care Provider (BM's best friend)'s, he didn't want to leave our house.

I finally got out of him that there are too many babies at Day Care Provider (BM's best friend)'s and that sometimes they smack him, and when he tries to get away from them, they follow him. He specifically mentioned one (XXX) as being a problem when we pressed him. I told him that if we'd known in advance we could have made other plans, but it wasn't something we could do at the last minute. His suggestion was that we let him stay on his own at Mommy's house if he couldn't stay with us. We told him that wasn't possible. He insisted that back at the old house, before RHSM, mommy went to work and daddy took SS4 to school and left SS6 home alone. He said he got up and looked all over the house and he couldn't find anyone and he thought that his family had disappeared. I mentioned that SS4 wasn't in school yet at that point, and that maybe Daddy was in the basement because he wouldn't leave him home alone, he finally decided that probably Daddy was in the basement.

Thursday, July 29th

I had sent a list to BF last night about things he needed to check on with BM. Like when we'd be watching the boys for GenCon (since it would be Monday through the following Tuesday based on our regular schedule and the GenCon holiday schedule (note here … I thought that the GenCon holiday should be Friday through Sunday, but they adjusted to Wednesday through Sunday)) as well as information about school, because the boys are going to school in her district and the only information I've gotten is from the school's website which has the start date, and the dress code … nothing else. We don't even know if SS4 is going to AM or PM kindergarten … she said there was no room in all day Kindergarten but he was on the waiting list.

So, she texted us about GenCon … she wants to keep them Monday and Tuesday since we'll have them on what would normally be her days, Wednesday and Thursday. I don't like the idea because it will have already been five days of not seeing the boys and I told them that I'd see them again on Monday. I don't like going back on what I've told them. But I am not a full voting member on this, so I abstained, gracefully.

What just hit me as I was typing about not wanting to go back on what I tell the boys, was the enumerable ways that their mother does. For instance she had told them last week that they were going to the county fair on Thursday, and then on Thursday told them she couldn't afford it. She has also said she was going to take them to Holiday World this weekend … we'll see. And why can't she afford the county fair when she can afford to go to GenCon and will probably be spending more than the county fair would have cost?

So, BF texted her saying that we needed information about school. With the GenCon schedule, they will be with us for the week leading up to the first day of school, we HAVE to get school supplies, etc. before they come back … or we can take them out with us to get them like we did last year, but it's soo much easier to do it while they are with their mom! … Anyway, she texted back that the boys were not enrolled in school yet, she still needed to get stuff, like SS4's birth certificate and his immunizations before she could register them and “time had gotten away from her”.

I am so fracking pissed right now! BF suggested that we offer to take care of all of that so that we can be sure it gets done. My response was, “Fine, we can register them in the school district here then, right? So that we don't have to drive a 40 minute round trip to drop them off and pick them up?” Of course he thought it was a joke. HA!

So, I sent BF a link to free immunizations this weekend, and birth certificates can be ordered there too … he forwarded it to BM. Her response? She was going to take the boys to Kings Island on the day that it was scheduled, but maybe she can change it to the next day, if she even has money for Kings Island, but she knows the boys will be heart broken. Ugh!

Friday, July 30th

As it turned out, BM decided that it was better for SS4 to get his immunizations from a known doctor and not from something like the event that was free this weekend, because then she could still take the boys to Kings Island. I pointed out to BF that it should not be an expectation that we pay for that, we have provided an option that would be at no cost, and would also allow us to get free school supplies for the boys (which would be a big help also) and she decided to do something else. BF sent her an email about this. So, we went and got (and paid for) both boys birth certificates, because she didn't have either of them. My comment was, “we're keeping them!”, BF was hesitant, but agreed.

In their conversations when he was telling her that we're taking steps to apply for financial assistance for school supplies and school lunches, she accused him of trying to shirk his financial responsibilities for the boys. She also said that the reason that the boys weren't registered for school yet was his fault because he hadn't paid her ½ of an outstanding $70 doctors bill for SS4 that she had mentioned to him … I told him that she needs to give him a copy of the bill, and since none of it has been paid, that BF owes the doctor $35 NOT her!

BF and I both spent several hours researching what was needed to get the boys registered. BF tracked down a service that will work as a fax number for people to fax something to when you don't have a fax. That way he was able to get a copy of SS4's immunization records from the doctors office and convert it into something that didn't require special software to read and print so he could email it to BM. During all of this there was the realization that BF probably wouldn't be able to register the boys for school since it's not our district but BM's, so she would have to do it. Because she was being so difficult, demanding and just plain nasty about all of this (like blaming BF for the boys not being registered!) he emailed her the records and said that since she wasn't showing any appreciation for all of the work he was doing, this was the end of what he was going to do to help her out in this situation.

I also called the school to find out if the boys had to have their immunizations before registering or if they could be provided before the first day of school. They would prefer it be at registration, but it is not required … oh, and that is also when I found out that Kindergarten at the school that SS6 is going to is almost full and if SS4 isn't registered on Monday he will probably have to go to a different school! So, where is the waiting list she said that she had SS4 on for all-day Kindergarten? And of course as soon as she heard that this was a possibility she jumped into action, and apologized to BF for being unappreciative, because I doubt she'd be able to use Day Care Provider (BM's best friend) as a sitting option if the boys have to go to different schools, she already said, when she told us about all-day Kindergarten, that SS4 would have to be enrolled in the Y program or something because Day Care Provider (BM's best friend) wouldn't be able to pick him up or drop him off at a different time than SS6!

Which also brings up the issue about SS6 at Day Care Provider (BM's best friend)'s. When BF told her about it, she blew him off … “SS6 is always talking about how much he loves XXX.”, “SS6 was excited this morning about going to Day Care Provider (BM's best friend)'s.” basically saying that we'd made it all up in the way she responded.

Monday, August 2nd

Went to register the boys for school today. When we got there, BM was already there in her car and got out, went to BF's side of the car and said that I was not coming in. The stress after this was so high that I don't remember the individual events and won't try to account for them step by step. I do remember these things, she asked how BF would feel if she brought some random stranger to something school related for the boys, to which I took umbrage. She yelled about SS4's birthday party (in April!) and that I took over and that she even had friends say things to her about it, and am trying to undermine her place with the boys. She said I was posting things about her on facebook and bad mouthing her to my friends. A couple times I told her that she was insecure and that wasn't my problem. At one point she stepped into me put her hand on my arm which was on my chest and shoved me – I pointed out that that was assault and that I could go inside and call the police. I did then say when she continued yelling at me, and telling me that I had gotten in her face (I had not moved) that I was not staying in the parking lot, I was going inside where there were other people because I did not feel safe out here, she mocked that. She yelled at both BF and I outside the school doors about blind siding her by me being there and that I didn't have any right, at one point when I said that she needed to calm down, she said she wouldn't and I said that fine, I'd leave and take the boys birth certificates that we had gotten and paid for and were in my purse with me and enroll them in a school in our district, she agreed to calm down and “do what was right for the boys” and calm down so we could get them registered. She refused any assistance filling out the forms when BF offered to, although she did ask him to look things up and to go to her car to get her phone.

I am so emotionally drained that I don't have the energy to type any more right now. I still can't get over that she put her hands on me and shoved me. She has apologized and I accepted it, but I am having a hard time getting through the violation that I feel.

Thursday, August 5th

Things I want to remember to write about: SS4 asked about adoption, SS4 asked why we live separate from mommy, SS6 currently wants to be E.T. For Halloween, SS4 wants to be a dinosaur (T-Rex) for Halloween.

Looking back on Monday, statements I want to note:

She mentioned, several times, that she would have not mentioned anything about SS4's birthday party, but her friends asked who I thought I was to take it over the way I did. When I finally said, after hearing that 6 or 7 times, that that seemed funny to me because I got asked why I had to do everything and she did nothing … suddenly she was yelling about it being wrong that my friends and family judged her!

She tried to say that her paying for immunizations was not right because these were plans she'd had for months to take the boys to Kings Island on this day and we just dropped it in her lap suddenly that she should cancel to go to get free immunizations. I pointed out that there was no way that this trip had been planned for months because she was supposedly going to take them two weeks ago but then said she couldn't because of work, and until a couple days before the trip the boys still thought that they were going to Holiday World, not to mention that we only found out about her not enrolling the boys two days before … there was no way we could have made any other plans!

She told the school that it was their fault because they were closed in June – they corrected her and said that they were open every weekday morning through the end of June for registration. And it was also on their voice mail. She tried to change the story after that.

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This is where I stopped journaling. I'm having a very difficult time with anything to do with her now.

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Since this is getting so long, I'm going to continue it in another post.