i guess i'd think that if BF actually does change, then sk may change...and then maybe it will be workable. not sure, it will really depend on how dedicated BF is to making it work.

Ugh, yes. That is one of the worst feelings in the world. If you love him, try. Maybe he will stop the child-centered stuff, refocus on a healthy relationship with you and see that a healthy relationship in his life is good for him AND for his child. To be honest, my DH really did change. He isn't perfect, but he is MUCH, much better, and we are much happier (and the kids seem more normal and healthy, too--with blips, of course!)

of course it can. It took years for us to figure out the situation but both my family and BMs seems to be happy/respectful to one another.

Sometimes it never gets better, it depends on the people. I think after all the years I can say I am in one of the luckier situations.

Try, try, try it is more than worth it.

My boyfriend changed. 4 years ago he was incapable of saying no to his kids. They ordered him around, spoke to him (and me) disrespectfully, every second of every day was spent entertaining them or catering to them.. it was awful.

It took me 3.5 years to get him to see what he was doing and why what he was doing was not good for our relationship and was bad for the skids. Getting him to realize and accept that what he was doing wrong was the hard part. Since then, I've had to support him while he changed. He stumbles sometimes, he gets angry at me sometimes but we talk about it and he's still on board. He's made huge changes. He puts me first most of the time now. He disciplines them. He tells them no. They eat what we cook or they don't eat. They get ONE activity a weekend (usually of 1-2 hours duration) where they are the focus, such as we take them somewhere or he plays with them but other than that they have to fit into our lives and we are in charge. He's really come a long way and to be honest, it's just as I'm writing this that I realize that I haven't given him all the credit for changing that he deserves.

We still have a way to go but it is possible for him to change and the kids will accept the change once they realize that it's serious. Consistency is the key.

If you love him, hang in there. Be sure to tell him when he does something right and gently help him see when he slips up. We were at the point where he perceived me as the enemy because I was always angry at him for his behaviour toward them. I had to change the way I phrased things so it was clear that it was the 2 of us, as partners, tackling this problem together rather than me forcing him to do something.

It wasn't easy but it is working.

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