Do you ever feel guilty for venting here on Steptalk.
I am so glad I found this site because I have 10 years of stuffed feelings and no where to go with them but yet I still feel bad talking about my issues with these people in my life. I especialyl feel bad because BM and I are trying to keep the peace. We can be "friendly" sometimes but at the same time I have no respect for her. I jsut give her respect because I have to. So our "friendliness" feels fake and phony. I am faking for the sake of peace in my home. I know she fakes it too because I know she turns right around and makes fun of me with the inlaws, so I guess I shouldn't feel bad about faking it until we make it. But I do feel bad, I know some of the anamosity over the years has come from both of our insecurities, me insecure becasue DH is still bonded to her forever, and my in laws seem to like her more and miss her. She insecure because I am a better mother and she does no want her kids to like me more. So she is now sucking it up and being more mature with me I think because he realizes she needs my help and her kids need me. So I feel guilty dishign out our history on this site but it feels so good to have found people to relate to. Can't talk to her about how crazy she is. DH knows it thats why he left her so he is sick of hearing me talk about it. Inlaws dont' see it and cause just as many problems for me. My family responds with I dont knwo how you put up with it, You knew what you were marrying into so accept it, or "you can find a nice condo for you and the the boys and you dog" so they say take it or leave it, you can't change it. And my friends aren't going through things like this, some dont even have kids or SO,so they cant relate.
Ok so I know I cant change it. I dont want to leave it. I love DH and do not want to put my boys through divorce and shared custody. But it easier to take it when you can vent. And is so much easier to know I am not the only one out there experiencing this crap. But I still feel guilty like I'm a hipocrit for airing our dirty laundry - should I be guilty. Should I feel this way, its like I'm being two faced because I am putting on smile to fake it, try to make it work with BM and the SKids, telling DH I am makign my efforts and things are getting better then getting on here the first second I get to bitch about how badly it makes me want ot pull my hair out in frustration.
Is this normal? Do other feel this way?
Somteimes I wonder if I should stop being polite and start being real but then I would hurt a lot of feelings if I told these people how i really feel.
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Comments
I think that you shouldn't
I think that you shouldn't feel guilty. This is a great place to come and get stuff off of your chest. It's cathartic. You aren't airing your dirty laundry-this isn't Jerry Springer. Nobody knows who you are.
There is nothing wroung with faking being nice to BM to keep the peace. It's mature and way better than constatnt fighting. I may dislike people I work with but I have to be civil and rise above to do my job. That's what normal mature people do. Good for you!
thanks for putting it that
thanks for putting it that way and jerry springer lmao- BM always reminded me of that kind of person to be on that show
Don't feel guilty. You
Don't feel guilty. You could go see a therapist and spend 100s of dollars, would that make you feel better? Or just let it out here! You can't keep it in when you need to vent or it will cause health problems. You can't "let it out" at home because it would just cause problems. So, you come here and nothing comes of it except release! That's a good thing! There is nothing wrong with faking with the bm either! You are doing what you have to do to keep the peace. That is being mature. I think that we all have people in our lives that we have to fake it with. Can you imagine what the world would be like if we just let the people in our lives have it because we didn't like them? :O It would be a scary place! }:) I can think of some people in my life that I have to fake it with and some of the things that cross my mind that I would like to do.....{{{{{shudder}}}}}......but I don't. I just fake it and life is better!
My take? You are a painfully
My take? You are a painfully self aware person like myself, who knows it's perfectly normal to have these feelings deep down, but also that you desire to rise above it in the long run.
And if I'm right about ya, I can promise that venting and getting itt off your chest, as well as continued self examination as to how you can make it better, can lead you to rise above if that's what you really want to do. And by rise above I mean-
rise above letting her affect you, which will in turn allow you to rise above your feelings toward her, which will at some point allow you to go from these feelings that seem petty to you right now, to ones of empathy for her mental issues, for your SKIDS having been dealt her as their mother, and yourself for having to pick up the pieces and help everyone heal.
HUGS!
Sita
"Parental love is unconditional, relationships are reciprocal." ~Zen
i definitely do know i want
i definitely do know i want to rise above it, not only to be true to myself and better myself but just to be better than the rest of them meaning BM and the inlaws who look so ridiculous when they don't rise above it.
I also felt guilty posting
I also felt guilty posting on here. It's that part of our upbringing that tells us to keep our dirty laundry private. I can tell you that as soon as I hit the post key I almost felt a sense of relief in being able to vent to people who weren't going to judge me for saying things like "I can't stand his children". I think it is probably unhealthy if this is the only place you talk about this and don't talk to your partner but they are hardly unbiased and sometimes it's nice to not have to filter...In my case the BF is aware his son is a monster and his ex is crazy but he can only do so much and beating him in the head with it only make him feel worse so this site has been a blessing for me.
I don't feel guilty and
I don't feel guilty and won't. If this site helps me keep my sanity, Im all for it. You aren't alone. Look at all of the posts!!! Don't feel guilty, you need to get it all out!!!
Thanks to every one who gave
Thanks to every one who gave me feedback on this,I do need to vent. I am someone who needs to talk about my feelings so I can get over them and not stew on them. I actually went to therapy and the therapist told me three things. 1) I didn't need therapy I needed a new life, at first i took that harsh but she meant the people around me need the therapy not me it was perfectly normal to feel this way. 2) She did not want to keep wasting my money for me to be told what I already knew and that was that if I took time to take care of my own interests and take care of me just as wella s i took care of everyone else that coping with this would be a lot easier. 3) That I was too busy a person for therapy , schedulling it was more stress in my life that I did not need which was true it was just one more thing to juggle in taking more time away from my me time. So yeah I dont want to sit in therapy to vent about thse issues. I do talk about it with DH but he has his own side, he's not the outsider trying to get let in, I AM, so he doesn't alway get it. And no one in my life has to deal with this type of crap so no one really relates to me, nor would i wish it upon any of my fam or friends just so I have something in common with. I guess you would say my family is one of the rarities left these days where marriages work, out of 13 aunts and uncles only one divorces because she married an abusive man righ out of high school. SO this blended family thing is new to my family...sometimes I feel they judge me for bringing this garbage int o thier lives too, so this site really helps to know thre are others like me out there.
I think that most of us just
I think that most of us just need somewhere to vent with people who know what we are going through.