How old is too old?
When is a child too old to refer to their parents as Mommy and Daddy? My sd's are 10 and 12 and everytime they call dh daddy. I think that they are getting older and that is kind of childish for their ages. SD 10 writes things like in love with daddy, is that something that is appropriate? and it is always daddy daddy daddy. It is really getting annoying.She also responds with a real snippy tone, dh thinks it is funny, I think it is plain disrespectful and bd's are called out on it by myself and dh when they use that tone. I really don't understand how he allows sd to do that but then can turn around and get on to my bd's for acting that way. At times there can be a real double standard in my home, and when he gets on to my bd's he does it in front of everyone. But when it comes to sd's he takes them aside and when they cry for getting into trouble he then babies them, like they are a little toddler. I just want to say they are almost teenagers, when are you going to stand up and start making them responsible for their actions.
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My oldest SD is 21 and she
daddys it up, and mommys. It's mommy and daddy, daddy and mommy!
SD 15 still calls them both that to.
My bio son 14 calls me mommy, but his dad is just dad.
All kids are different in this aspect I think.
I just posted about this
My ss9 still calls his parents Mommy and Daddy. He lives with us and his friends have giggled behind his back for calling his Dad "Daddy". From the responses I got, most of them say it's done to manipulate or get thier way. Others say it depends on the kid. I say it's babyfied, but I don't want to bring it up to my DH because I think it will just start a fight.
I'm not a very good person to ask
I'm pretty harsh I think, but I think saying Mommy and Daddy sounds so babyish. My mother made me stop calling her Mommy when I was little, and I did the same thing for my BS13 when he was like 4 or 5. I'm probably wrong, but the whole Mommy/Daddy thing irritates me for some reason. Probably just the way I was raised. SS8 still calls his Mom Mommy, but DH says to call him Dad. When we're at soccer or something and he says Mommy, his little friends seem to titter a bit... he's the only one out of his peer group that still does it.. in public anyways... Just my 1/2 of a cent ... I know there are varying opinions. I have friends in their 40's who still refer to their mothers as Mommy. It bugs me.. but of course I just go on my merry way.
I guess the way they say it
I guess the way they say it is what bothers me it's like sicky sweet and then sd writes things that she is in love with dad, not that she loves him, but she is in love with him. It makes me feel like she is making sound like she wants to marry him or something. She hangs all over dh and wants to sit with him on his lap all of the time. It just makes me feel uncomfortable. My girls sit with me but not all over me. And they tell me that they love me alot but they don't ever say or write things that say they are in love with me. It just weirds me out!!!!
...the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. - The Lion King
Yeah, I know what you mean.
My OSD only calls her parents "mommy" and "daddy" when she wants something or when one of them has done something kind of ridiculously Disneyland-parent. Grosses me out, frankly -- it's really the only time that she bugs me, for the most part. But hey, my family was not at all touchy-feely, so I think that background affects my perspective. I remember having a convo with my DH about OSD still sleeping with her stuffed animal at 16. One night she forgot it at her mom's house, and her mom actually went home to pick it up and DROVE it over to our house. I was really creeped out. And OSD smiled like a 3 year-old and said, "My mommy loves me!" in a baby voice. Later that night, I remarked to DH that I thought it was really weird that she was so attached to the stuffed animal (like, wondered if she needed therapy weird). He said, "Oh, that's SOOO normal for girls. Our exchange student from Germany slept with hers well into her 20s!" That just seems SOOOO F'ed up to me, but see, I'm not at all a girly girl, so I guess I wouldn't know.
BB
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)
yesican,
edited.
You answered the question I asked before this came out! LOL
Mixed feelings....
Scooty (SD) is only 5, so I haven't personally had to deal with these feelings yet. But just in terms of me, i'm 26 and I still call them mommy and daddy on occassion. When talking to them it's usually Mom and Dad, and the times I usually need a favor or want something is when I use Daddy. (yeah, I know, immature...but hey it works!) }:) Now days the only time I bring out the Mommy one is with my health problems. I have a heart condition, and its been several doctor visits, testing, no fun! So I will jokingly (ok maybe slightly seriously) say I want my Mommy. So, I have very mixed feelings on this. I do think that if an older child said Mommy and Daddy all the time, that it would be kind of silly, but I do think that even as adults there are times when we still need our Mommy and Daddy.
"Live well, Love much, Laugh often."
Ewwww
the whole "i'm in love with daddy"??? And she sits on his lap??? At 10 and 12 years old? That IS creepy. DH needs to set some boundaries. That behavior isn't healthy. Sounds like there's either emotional issues going on or they're just WAYYYY too attached. Creepy, yes. Didn't Freud (or someone) identify this behavior? I'd look it up and find out what's going on with her/them. Something about 'girls want to marry their fathers and boys want to marry their mothers.' Hamlet anyone?
Oh something else that I did
Oh something else that I did not mention that dh does is he calls sd10 sissy.
I always call my children by their name. We have cute nicknames like my youngest is porkchop (she is almost 9), but when I speak to them I call them by their first name, I think that they are getting older and they need to learn to refer to people with respect.
...the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. - The Lion King
Okay, the sissy thing did it.
I HAVE to speak up now.
My mom still calls me sissy. She does, my brother does, my grandmother does. That's been my knickname from my family since I was born.
I call my daughter little bit. So when she gets about 5 I have to stop that? C'mon.
This thread is a little silly IMHO. Who cares what the kids call their dad? You don't have to like it, but is it really that big of a deal?
And PS, I call my husband Juice. I have for many years now. Should I stop that to and refer to him in his name only?
I never said it was that big
I never said it was that big of a deal. I just wondered what other peoples opinions were. I have your opinion thank you.
...the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. - The Lion King
YW
it really depends on the
it really depends on the upbringing of the kid. I have a daughter and when she answers my phone call or when I see her at home after work she always says " hi daddy" however, in conversation I hear her refer to me as "my dad" I think if a woman becomes and adult and is still calling their parents mommy and daddy that may be a sign of being insecure...but again, there really is no right or wrong.
As far as getting annoyed by this why would anyone care enough to get annoyed by this? There are much more important things in life to get annoyed about at least for me there is.
It is the tone of voice that
It is the tone of voice that she uses that is annoying, like she is saying if I talk really sicky sweet and butter him up I get to do anything or act anyway I want to.
...the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. - The Lion King
Insecure?? Me? Not and I'm 44!
I don't understand this?? Should I be calling my parents by their first names because I am a adult??
Insecure? How do you come up with that??
"And this too shall pass..."
zMommy & Daddy
There is nothing wrong with calling your parents mommy and daddy. iT IS A TERM OF ENDERMENT. It shouldn't bother you anyway. Just be glad the don't call you Hey you or Daddy O.
I call my
husband "Husband".
I'm in his phone as "Wife".
We're the least creative people in the history of people, apparently.
My husband is Angel...
I get called Vaj...he's a perv.
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
LOL!
Vaj?
You should call him Testiclees... God of Balls.
I like that:)
or Orgasmus...god of the multiple O. }:)
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
Ha!
No wonder you stay
Maybe I'll call mine Prematureus... God of... well, you get it
ROFL
That's hysterical! Ur too much! lol
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
LOL
I had to sound that out like three times
LMAO!!
Holy crap you guys made me spritz my water on my computer monitor. Thankfully I didn't eat at my desk today or there would be zucchini all over it!
“Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.”
Michael Caine
Im 33
I still call my dad "Daddy" but call my mom mom.
My daughters 13 and 11 call me Mommy still. Think its really up to the way your raised.
Im 44
I still cal my mom "Mommy" and my father "Daddy"(God rest his soul)
I never thought anything of it. Some people call their mom "Mama", I don't see anything wrong with it. I didn't know that there was a certain age to stop calling them that???
Who knew?? :jawdrop: I guess my brothers and myself didn't get the memo!
"And this too shall pass..."
I can see that some of you
I can see that some of you took my blog wrong. I guess what I was trying to say and someone earlier said it that it is the way the child says it as if they know they will get what ever it want by saying Mommy or Daddy and the tone they use.
I am sorry no I don't think as girls get older they should hang all over there fathers.
...the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. - The Lion King
Why?
I didn't have a daddy so I'd like to know why you feel this way since I have no base for feeling one way or another about this:
"I am sorry no I don't think as girls get older they should hang all over there fathers."---quoted from the previous post...not my thought.
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
I think my reasoning comes
I think my reasoning comes from the fact that girls as well as boys should learn as they get older what is appropriate and what is not. It is just my opinion but if girls hang all over their father then that is teaching them to hang all over boys. I do not hang all over my husband when the children are around I kiss and hug him, I want to set an example as they grow into young ladies, I don't want to see them hanging all over any man, their father, boyfriend, etc. Maybe some of it stems from my bd who is almost 10, she was raped at daycare (at the age of 3) by the lady's grandson. My daughter is very insecure at times and I do my best to teach her what is appropriate and what is not. I just have strong beliefs that girls going into the teenage years do not need to be hanging all over their dad's. Again this is just my opinion not anyone elses, I just wanted to see what others thought , my intentions were not to stir anything up.
...the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. - The Lion King
well I agree and disagree
I agree that girls should be taught to be ladies and they should be taught appropriate vs. inappropriate. I guess I never thought of it the way you do...I always figured if the girl has a strong bond with her father and is affectionate and has received affection from him she won't be so quick to find it from another male figure bc she won't be missing anything and searching for it elsewhere. I always felt that if I would have had a daddy to hang on and a daddy to give me that masculine form of love and acceptance I wouldn't have ended up doing half the stuff I did as a teen and young adult. And my mother busted her buttons trying to teach me appropriate vs.inappropriate and how to be a lady.
Sorry to hear about your daughter... I wish her well for the future and recovery.
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
If you don't mind me asking
If you don't mind me asking what do believe is appropriate or inappropriate. I believe hugs and sitting on his lap is appropriate but laying in his bed and laying all over him on the couch is not really appropriate.
I read all of your blogs and I think you are a very wise woman with alot of really good thoughts and ideas. I also think some of the things you say are hilarious!!!!
Thank you for the comment about my daughter, she is a good kid she just has her meltdown days like we all do. I just want her and all my girls (step and bio) to grow up and be profitable members of society and not make some of the mistakes I made.
...the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. - The Lion King
thanks;) that's nice of you to say
I think hugs n lap is ok...normal behavior. I'm a product of an abusive stepfather so the whole laying in bed/laying directly on top of daddy on the couch thing just skeeves me out! ick.
BUT...with that said I think we have to take it in the context of where I'm coming from on that thought. Example of when I put my foot down with Dh: Bathtime. He was always the one to bath his daughter and continued to do so until she was about 7 and i simply couldn't take it anymore. I told him I couldn't even look at him the same because the thought of him touching a seven year old girl while she's naked just screwed with my emotional scars way too much. So my view is tainted in a major way. My husband would NEVER do anything pervy with his babygirl but I took it that way due to my issues.
It's so hard to say what is truly appropriate or not. Such a gray area...
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
I totally agree with the
I totally agree with the bathroom thing, my ex would not bathe my girls when they were young sm did it when they were with him.
...the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. - The Lion King
Huh?
I don't think people should assume pervy behavior on the part of their husbands...
And without pervy behavior there's nothing wrong with a grown woman calling her dad Daddy if she wants.
I dont think my husband has
I dont think my husband has pervy behavior, I think he needs to realize that these girls aren't little girls that they are growing into teenagers and they need to be taught what is appropriate and what is not.
...the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. - The Lion King
mommy is mommy...daddy is piece of poo
yup I still call my mom,mommy,on occasion. Usually it's "hello mudder"...or "hi mother" Sperm donor gets called nothing...except "sperm donor."
I've heard the whole "Daddy" thing used in a most annoying tone..but there still shouldn't be an age limit on saying it.
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
It's the tone............
My skids, 8 and 9 (9 yo will be 10 on Sat), and they both call their Dad "daddy" most of the time. FH does not put up with the whiney tones they use.
**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**
I still call my mom Mommy
I call my son, who is 7 a nickname as well. My FH and I have nicknames for each other and have those nicknames programmed into our phones as such.
Your SD uses that tone because she thinks it will help her get what she wants. My SD16 still uses baby voice when she talks to her mom and her bf and SS18 begs her to stop. I just tune it out. There could be worse things she does than that.
Even the tone
shouldn't be that big of a deal. My girls use the same tone when they want something from their grandpa - he is then called "granpee" and he laughs and gives them what all good grandpa's do. Lord I remember being a teenager and calling my dad "daddy" with my puppy eyes and getting his CC to go shopping.
There is a reason why its Daddy's little girl.
Its a mutal thing - I knew I had my daddy wrapped around my finger and my dad knew it too! Just saying "Daaaadddy" just reconfirmed it.
I was always close extremely close to my dad, We have get togethers at least once a week if not more. And my girls stay the night with their grandpa EOW
But at some point in time
But at some point in time you have to grow up and live for yourself. Daddy cannot fix everything for an adult woman with his credit card. I too am close with my dad, but I was not handed the credit card I was taught to work hard and earn things through sweat and hardwork and honestly it felt great to know that I earned it myself.
...the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. - The Lion King
As I stated
As I stated It was when I was a teenager!
I most certainly know the of hardwork and I work hard to support my two BD myself, I don't need daddy to fix my stuff or pay my mortgage. But yes I still call him daddy. And I take my dad out to lunch, and take my dad to the movies. Anything that most women do with their moms I do with my dad AKA daddy
I know some of you have not had a father or the privilege of having a dad like I did (like my daughters). Seeing my daughter grow up without having their own dad really is sad to me. But they have their "grandpee" But it was my dad that taught me what a good man is, and what a good man does for the women that he loves.
I understand your view my be different because of the horrible events that happened to your daughter. And maybe that's is what is skewing your view on this really innocent act. who cares if you DH heart turns to mush when his daughters call him daddy, and they use that tone.
PAS can happen overnight. It could be worse they could be calling him by his first name!
I am sorry but I don't think
I am sorry but I don't think a child manipulating their parent to get what they want as an innocent act, ESPECIALLY if they are a teenager. When do kids actually have to grow up and learn they aren't always going to get what they want?
...the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. - The Lion King
i can't
stand the baby voice "daddy" crap either........ and the climbing and hanging all over dh ---- UGH
dh doesn't like it either and has asked sd12 (ss9 doesn't do it) to not talk like a baby and not use the term daddy.......works for a while.... until mil encourages the baby/daddy talk and actually tells her to "go sit on your daddy's lap and give him a hug.....etc"........i could see the discomfort in both of their eyes as i was trying to not fall out of my chair and keep my chin from hitting the floor over disbelief in what i just heard come out of mil's mouth...and watching sd12 climb all over dh.......
Yesican
I totally agree with you. That would get on my last nerve. I will openly and honestly admit that I am actually shocked at the number of people on here that still call their parents Mommy and Daddy. I guess it's totally a cultural thing; how your family was raised. For the most part. It goes right up there with kissing your parents on the lips. Totally weird. Makes me want to wash my mouth out with soap. Yet many, many people do this. And they disturb me, even though I know it's "normal." My SS does it. I had to stop him from doing it to me. I kept telling myself in my head,"This is normal. This is just how he's been raised." Nope, I still couldn't handle it.
I totally agree with you on
I totally agree with you on it is how you are raised, as I don't think it is appropriate, I can understand how people do because that is all they know. I just wanted to see what people thought. Some were very offended that I don't care for it. But others like bbb were interest as to why I felt that way and she shared some of her feelings as to why, I feel that she is a very insightful woman.
I also agree with you about the kissing on the lips there are times that sd's try to kiss me on my lips and I just turn and kiss them on their cheek.
It does make me sad to see how defensive some people get without really understanding why and that each has their own opinion and that is truly what it is take it or leave it there is no reason to lash out.
Thank you for your comment.
...the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. - The Lion King
My sk's use to call their
My sk's use to call their step dad "stupid (insert his name after stupid)" and bm would laugh. I put a stop to that in our home but the sk's thought is was very amusing. I find it very disrespectful. And I would not allow it in our home. I find it a very serious problem with kids now days with the lack of respect they show their parents and adults. What is even more sad is how alot of parents don't seem to have a problem with it.
...the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. - The Lion King
It is not so much her
It is not so much her calling him that it is tone she uses. And I am sorry you find this so offensive. And I really don't think you should tell to find a real worry. If you would have really read what I said then you would have understood. I was just wanting opinions, and I read yours loud and clear, I am so sorry you have to come off so rudely, not what this site is intended for!!!! IMOFO
...the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. - The Lion King
Yes, you are very free to
Yes, you are very free to give your opinions. Yours was heard loud and clear. And that is all that is needed from you, on my end. My opinion is you stated things rudely, and that is just my opinion, and I also have a right to that. I am open-minded that is why I was asking peoples perspective...to possible see things differently.
Also, my worries are my worries...if this was a worry at all, in my opinion you don't need to tell me to worry about something else. I would not tell you that, I gave my opinion you gave yours both from different perspectives and lifestyles. That is what makes the world go round. Good luck to you and your situation, may you find peace and happiness, if you are struggling in your life.
...the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. - The Lion King
Wow, Kacie, calm down. I do
Wow, Kacie, calm down. I do think what others are saying on here is true -- it's a cultural thing. Where I'm from, an adult calling a parent "daddy" or an adult child kissing a parent on the lips are really, really strange. I haven't spent any time in the south, so I'm sure that if I moved there, it would really weird me out until I got used to it.
An honest question by a blogger deserves a respectful answer, don't you think? Just because it's normal where you come from doesn't mean that the question is stupid.
BB
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)
in the south
it was quite common a lot longer than 47 years ago.... i am from the south, too and my dad refers to his dad (also passed away) as daddy but i can't recall the last time i referred to my parents as momnmy & daddy or any of my friends (also from the south) --- so, yesican don't apologize for offending ----- you only offend those who are LOOKING for something to defend....
I think I understand what you are questioning
I am encountering the same thing. I have been reading a lot on it, and my BF and his daughter (SD10) and I are in counseling dealing with it.
This might help to understand it.
http://www.systemiccoaching.com/sw_articles_eng/daddy%27s_princess.htm
What I am seeing is not so much the calling DH "Daddy" but more the strong bond between them and them acting like little girls. Not to mention the "appropriate" behavior issue. This article talks about how sometimes this bond can actually push out the BM when the mother and father are still together.
My issue is my BF and SD10 being so bonded together that he puts her above EVERYTHING in his life. She has written notes to him about being IN love with him. When I talk to the counselor she has said these things about it,
"She does act younger than 10 years old when he is in the room; You can tell she is only concerned with herself; These notes are like between lovers (when I showed her one of them); He needs to show her how to act when she is with other men."
I would guess it all depends on the level of the issue. It does not seem to be a huge issue with you. I am glad for this for you! I find it a HUGE issue, but then, it might be worse for me.
I hope you can find some good information with the article. I know I did. I may not have used the service it is advertising, but it helped explain what is going on.
Just my 2 cents!
Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
Erich Fromm
delete
delete
Yesican
Don't apologize... it's your right to ask any opinion question on here, and it's everyone else's right to post how they feel about it. Personally I could be offended by many blogs, but why? Everyone is from a differenet culture, generation, upbringing, socioeconomic back ground.. we're bound to all have differing opinions.. and that's good.. that's what makes the world go round afterall.