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Baby Blues

tryn2stayhumble's picture

Did any of you all decide not to have children or more children because you were helping raise SKs?


I have 2 SKs an adopted child and 1 bio... my hearts been torn between getting fixed or having a second pregnancy/child. 

any relate?


GrudgingSM's picture

I decided against another because of the skids. DH wanted one, but I said no. We both talk about how we grieve the child we wish we would've had together, but I said I would not add a kid to his family's dysfunction. I absolutely would not bring a new life into a family with that much anger/entitlement/violence/trauma. So yeah, I get it. I only have one bio and always wanted another. But not in this situation. Not into that family.

stepmomnorth's picture

Yes. I would love to have had a baby with my partner.  But certainly his kids have played a factor in my not wanting any more kids. 

tryn2stayhumble's picture

I think the thing that is holding me back the most right now is... the children. One SD and my little girl are totally excited about the idea of a new brother or sister... but my oldest 9 yo SD says she doesn't want anymore babies that we already have a big family. But says its okay that her mom has 7 children? I am like is this my SD trying to tell me something?? she said she loved mommy and she likes her brothers and sisters there... im like so don't you like **** and ****??? she said sometimes...

like is she acting out or is this something deeper?

Mamabearof3's picture

Someone's putting that in her head. Your family will be second rate regardless of how many kids you have. Have another if you want. Don't let anyone else bully your decision. 

stepmomnorth's picture

Definitely conversations to be had with your partner. Really to be decided upon by yourselves only. I wouldn't mention a thing to any of the kids. 

CastleJJ's picture

This needs to be between you and DH. What do both of you want? Can you financially afford to add another child to the mix? Don't let the children influence your decision.

SeeYouNever's picture

My DH was strictly finished with children after we had our second, he said that three kids is enough. 

I would have considered a third. He got himself fixed and I haven't so if anything ever happens to us I have left the option or been to have a third kid with somebody else.

WwCorgi7's picture

I think someone is putting that in her head. Her mom has a bunch of kids but you having more is out of the question because the family is too big? Yeah, no. If you want more children that is between you and your Dh. Either way having another child or choosing not to is a huge decision. It would be a cold day in hell before any child inserts themselves into my reproductive life (skid or not). 

SD threatened if we had our daughter she would cut us off. She already had 2 sisters and a brother from her mom but we were not allowed to because she said so. No way was I going to terminate because SD demanded. We had our daughter and SD followed through and cut us out. Life moves on and we have no regrets. 

My SIL has 2 skids and 1 "ours" with BIL. He has told her it isn't fair to "his" kids if they have another. Her skids have also demanded that their son was it and they couldn't have anymore (their BM has 8 altogether). So she honored their wish. She is heartbroken and wishes "they" would change their minds. She is so resentful her son is growing up alone as her skids are in their teens and he is in 1st grade. 

You only have one life. You can't please everyone. The only opinion that matters is your Dh. If he isn't on board you have to decide which you are willing to give up.