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Grateful for the help I've received here.

Rhiannon's picture

I haven't posted in a long time, mostly because I haven't really had anything to vent about. In part because I took the advice I got here, and found a way to connect with my step-daughter. It also helps that she's a great kid and DH is an amazing husband. He always made sure to include me in every decision. He always made time for me. It took a while for me to warm up to the whole being a step-parent thing. And it took a while for SD to warm up to me. (Also in part because we just cut out BM's parents entirely. Best decision of our life, I think. As harsh as it may have been. They were such a toxic influence in our lives. We're all better off without having them around. Now now that SD is 18, she can include them in her life or not. And so far she's decided not to. I don't blame her.) 

Stumbled back into the forum, remembering the advice I got here and wanted to say how well it all worked out. SD's away at college now. UCLA!  Very proud of her. She accomplished a lot in high school. (Valedictorian, Captain of the cheerleading squad, ran track, won a prize for her art, prom queen, class president, and starred in a couple of her school's drama productions.) And I'm glad I got to form a relationship with this incredible young woman. It started off pretty rocky. But we got through it, and things are really good now. She has a great relationship with her half-siblings. (She was free babysitting for three years. That was nice. And I'm going to miss that). I don't know if anyone is still here back from when I was asking for advice 6 years ago. (Gosh that's a long time.) But I wanted to thank the people of this forum for helping me when i really didn't know where to start with her. 

Comments

Elea's picture

Wow, what a miracle story. Pretty different from my bitter experience with my SD who did have good grades in HS but announced to us that "Nobody from our area has ever gotten into an ivy league school except for me." (not true of course) and that "All the Mexican kids in my school are stupid." She loved to berate me for what she perceived to be my transgressions against the environment (using paper napkins) and promptly went into environmental studies in college. Now she has a job in marketing. Lol I grew up surrounded by scientists and knew a lot more about nature than SD but she never talked to me long enough to find out. Anyway, she lives far away now and I don't miss her, at all.

Rhiannon's picture

At least it sounds like you don't have to deal with her much anymore.

I kind of hit the SD lottery with mine. A little bit of trouble, but nothing unusual for a teenager. Her early pre-teen years were a bit of a nightmare. (For everyone, tbh, including her). She'll text me once in a while, and I'm kind of looking forward to her coming back home over break. (Though more because DH misses her a lot, and I know it'll make him happy. But I miss her a little too. She was always up for going shopping with me, while my oldest... well, not so much so far.) 

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Thanks for the update.  So many SMs struggle so its nice to get a good news story once in a while.

CLove's picture

You were "before my time" but thanks for the update Biggrin Sounds much better than what I have : SD23 feral forger who hates me and still no drivers license. Lil miss piggy - mean & rude and barely graduates high school.

SD16 Pouty McPouterson who is failing Junior year (3 classes F) and who is super enmeshed. Moments of sweetness few and far between, which leads me into the pit of caring, which steptalkers have pulled me swiftly out. Biggrin

Good news is always welcomed.

Rhiannon's picture

My SD got her license as soon as she was old enough. (And Grandma got her a car, of course. MIL spoils her grandkids, but at least she treats them all equally.) Guess it also depends on where you live. If Public Transportation is an option, then it wouldn't be too bad. And my oldest two already want to learn to drive (they're only 10). 

I was fortunate to have a pleasant SD (well, not at first. If you'd told me that SD was a model student who I'd enjoy shopping with when she was 11.... I'd have thought you were nuts lol)