stepmasochist, I hear ya! Sounds great - now if I can only try to convince BF about your suggestion...

justanotherSM, I was just mentioning below that this will all be on BF, as he is FULLY aware that I will not be contributing a PENNY to this loser SS26 (he's not even BF's biokid, for heaven's sake!!) because I've seen how he has treated BF through all these years we've been together.

So BF will probably be forking over about $2,000 when all is said and done to this ingrate for his wedding & honeymoon.

I wasn't around yet for SS26's high school graduation - thank goodness.

I agree with your guideline either way - whatever you'd give a distant cousin, that sounds like MORE than enough.

sueu2, I can understand your reply because you only have the limited info. about these people that I posted, not about the whole history (as that would be a 100 page post). So since you don't know me, or the background for my post, I have no problem with how you responded - but don't be so quick to judge me and my "bad-mouthing" BM. Trust me, she deserves it and a lot more.

Our BM is the most narcissistic, controlling, lazy, entitled, immoral and socially inept person I have ever known. She is a master PASinator and tries to use skids as pawns to manipulate BF as much as she can. She has absolutely NO appreciation for the fine man and amazing father that he is to her children - he still continues to provide her with a very comfortable lifestyle, pays a high amount of cs $$ payments every month AND we share 50/50 joint physical custody with her, too. He has no choice but to pay HER CS, because here in NY, whichever parent is the "breadwinner" of the 2 MUST pay the other parent, even in a true 50/50 situation. He also pays all of their health insurance, etc... Skids live with us 4 days/week and I do everything in my power to treat them with love and be the best role model I can be for them.

BM has absolutely DIRECTLY attempted to affect my relationship with BF for MANY, MANY years (and thank goodness, has failed in EVERY attempt) - nothing would make her happier than for BF & I to break up, because she probably always thought he'd be devastated without her. She has the common controlling "I don't want him, but I don't want anyone else to have him" mentality. Many people that know BF & I, including his own family members, have confirmed this to me and are so grateful that BF met someone like me and has someone like me in his life because I am so giving, I appreciate BF, I am just as hard-working and he has never been happier.

My post was not intended to "BASH" BM whatsoever, I was just stating the facts about her, plain and simple - as ugly as they are. It was necessary to give some "background" to my post because SS26 is HER biokid and how she is directly impacts on how SS26 has been raised, that's all. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree in this case, that's the point I was trying to convey.

hey mugglemom! yes, that's what BM is asking BF to do: that they both split the cost of the rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon, not the wedding itself. sorry if I wasn't clear about that in my OP (understandably, since it's so long maybe you skipped it - lol).

the bride's parents are paying for the wedding, so they've chosen a fairly expensive venue on the water here in NY to have the wedding ceremony and the reception.

I agree with you about the Vegas suggestion (someone else above also mentioned it) - this skid doesn't have a pot to piss in, doesn't save a DIME in all these years, yet somehow expects BF to cough up 1/2 the cost of the rehearsal dinner (at a reasonably priced italian restaurant nearby) & honeymoon (they want to take a 1 week cruise to the Caribbean, I'm hearing).

The BEST part of this, is:
1. SS26 is so "grown up" and "mature" that he had BM call BF to discuss the $$$ for the dinner & honeymoon (he probably spoke to BM first and told her he didn't know how to ask BF, so naturally BM volunteered herself to do it, Queen Bully, or so she THINKS); and
2. BM has no $$$, so she's suggesting that she & BF SPLIT the cost of this, but we KNOW she's going to try to somehow wiggle her way out of paying HER HALF!

unhappy2, I couldn't agree with you more!

I feel for my BF. He continues to try to be the good guy and always tries to do the right thing as SS26's father - never treats him any less than his own flesh & blood. Certainly never made this kid feel like he was "only adopted".

Meanwhile, I just cannot for the life of me understand why BF doesn't tell this kid exactly how it is - YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE, YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW!! I really think that BF is blind to this SS26 who just uses him when it's convenient or when he suddenly needs his "Dad" for something. He's a miniature version of BM - really such a loser & a user.

I'm not contributing one DIME to this wedding crap. This is BF's decision. He has already agreed with BM to split the cost of the rehearsal dinner and he's considering also splitting the cost of the honeymoon (they want to take a 1 week cruise to the Caribbean). So he's thinking of contributing about $2,000 - and since BM is broke and also a bullshit artist, she will most likely try to screw him over and not give her 1/2. He's aware of this part, at least, thankfully.

I'm thinking my BF asked me this question because he doesn't know what the appropriate amount is that he should be giving his "son". If I were him, I'd give him exactly what his "son" has given him through the years - grief and disrespect.

unhappy2, I know, I know - I hear you.

I'm a mush when it comes to BF, so I've already told BF that I supported him with whatever he decides to do with SS26's wedding to help him (although he knows that financially, he would not ask me to contribute). I even went along with him & other skids to take SS26 & his fiancee' out to dinner to congratulate them after they got engaged - and I offered to help his fiancee' with any wedding planning that she needed. She thanked me & showed me their new apartment and she showed me the bridesmaid dresses she chose online. SD15 was also asked to be a bridesmaid and SS12 was also asked to be in the wedding party. I feel bad for SS26's fiancee' more than anyone in this whole situation. She seems to be so excited - I wish I could "wake her up". I stay out of it, though, and share her excitement with all that is her wedding with her, because she's a great girl.

What I just don't get - this whole kids being MAJORLY disrespectful to parents and parents still HELPING and CONTRIBUTING (above and beyond just the basic concept of RAISING them for all those years) for their wedding? Hmmmm... like I said to someone else earlier, my parents would've DISOWNED me if I EVER treated them the way SS26 has with BF - and they would've been 100% RIGHT in doing so.

I lost my father 8 years ago and my mother 5 years ago. I loved them with all my heart and I never, ever disrespected them. I appreciated everything they ever did for me and my family (I have 8 brothers & sisters - lots of kids). I always worked hard, never expected a dime from my parents, paid for 4 yrs. of college MYSELF, 3 yrs. of law school MYSELF, my 2 brand new cars MYSELF (over 15 yrs), my house MYSELF (mortgage). So this whole concept of EXPECTING a parent to pay for a wedding when you've treated a parent the way SS26 has treated my BF over the past 6 yrs (and before I came along)...just boggles my mind, that's all.

I don't get it. But I do understand that he has loved SS26 for 25 years like his own flesh & blood, despite all the years of what he's put up with from him & BM. That's one of the biggest reasons I fell in love with BF - he's the most amazing, selfless man I've ever met - and this is just one small example of what he's all about.

hey anon2009, that's funny you mentioned that!! Because I've already envisioned myself (just daydreaming, of course) pulling her aside next time I see them and "slipping" HER (the fiancee) some cash and saying "this is for YOU and YOU alone to figure out how this should be spent" - lol! But of course, SS26 would find out and tell BM - and that would make me the "Evil Milomom" that BM has already tried poisoning skids minds with for years...so I'll just stay out of it and say a little prayer for her that she'll "wake up" soon, that's all...

Maybe I'll just hand SS's fiancee a list of recommended divorce attorneys here in NY, since I'm sure if SS26 & her do end up there, HE will try to take HER for alimony/maintenance, CS and anything else he can get his grubbing hands on. JUST.LIKE.HIS.MOTHER

Yes, SS26 knows that BF isn't his biological father. Oddly, BF told me he heard SS26 has been in contact with his biofather in the past few years - you know, to USE HIM also, like when he needed help moving in/out of his 5th apartment in 3 yrs. and he was probably too embarrassed to keep calling BF for help.

Oh, and BF told me that SS26 actually invited this guy (his biofather - BM's baby daddy from when she was 17) to the wedding, too - knowing FULL WELL that BF has raised him (SS26) as his own flesh & blood for 25 of the 26 yrs. he has been on this planet. I don't know, I just think it'll be a bit AWKWARD for BF, to say the least. I'm not surprised, though. SS26 will see it as another wedding gift ($$$) for him, and really doesn't give two shits about talking to BF about how he'll feel that day.