I exspect a phonecall from SD13 or BM by Mon. night
SD13 signed up for a summer job of corn detassling. She is suppose to start work Tues am arriving there by 6:50am and working until 3pm or later. This is to occur 6 days a week for 4 weeks. I anticipate my SD calling and asking me to drop her off and pick her up daily. I spoke to my H about this and we both agree that if I am to agree to this responsibility that SD should come and stay with us for the duration of her work obligation and go to her BM's on Saturday night after work and stay with her until Sunday evening. I am nervous how BM will feel about this. If she doesn't agree should I refuse to take SD back and forth and force her to do it? ( I know she wont, she will most likely make SD drop out of the program as opposed to inconveniencing herself and getting up early) I will feel bad for SD if she doesn't get to work because she really wants to and it would be good for her...but on the other hand I don't want to be used. I also feel that SD will have more chance of success at keeping this job if she is with us. There is a lot of stress with BM right now regarding her and her recent ex hubby and their two kids (custody issues), she is living with her mom whom she does not get along, and she is having financial issues. There is a lot of fighting and stress in BM's life by her own account and from what SD tells me. I think SD would get the rest she needs here and not there due to all of the turmoil happening now, and that will be integral to her being successful. Should I stand my ground and refuse to take SD if BM doesn't allow her to stay with us for the 4 weeks?
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Comments
If you or your DH took her or
If you or your DH took her or encouraged her to sign up it is your duty to take her, regardless of where she is staying. If BM did, then she should take her.
Don't think of it as "being
Don't think of it as "being used", see it for what it is...something you are doing for SD to help improve herself. I hate it when I feel like BM thinks she "got one over on me" when she puts us in these situations, but in the end it's for the good of the kids.
If you can get SD working and
If you can get SD working and earning money, maybe she could avoid some of the traps teens get into when they have too much free time? It would be nice if she could stay with you. How far away is BM's?
Take her, regardless of where
Take her, regardless of where she stays. I detassled as a kid. Yes, it was a pain getting to where I had to be each day, but it was such a great experience. Good money too! I wish we lived in a place where detassling was a work option for my skids. It teaches a kid good work ethic.
BM & SD live a cpl block away
BM & SD live a cpl block away right now. I already told my SD that she should stay with us while she works...she agreed. I'm not worried that BM will think that we are taking over....she probably wont even be surprised at my suggestion I just don't know what I will say to her if she doesn't agree. SD will not ask her BM because she wont want the 3rd degree and to be yelled at if her mom doesn't like they idea...she will want me to ask her. I don't mind helping with either of my SD's...I even took SD13 and her two siblings (from BM's most recent ex/no relation to me) to school and back for the last 3 wks of the yr because BM was having car/gas/money troubles. This is different though...its much earlier and SD is not a morning person....I know she wont be up and ready if she is with her BM alot of the time...she will end up not going and wasting the experience. She has a much better shot at success if she is with us. Thanks for your input letmebeme...that's exactly what I think and feel and the direction I am going to take I'm sure. We (H & I) did not take her to sign up for this job or even suggest it...she heard about it in school and her BM took her to the info mtngs and signed her up. Thanks for your thoughts everyone.
Update - so far no call...I'm
Update - so far no call...I'm shocked. I'm half tempted to have H call SD to see if she is excited and ready for tomorrow. I really suspect that her mom talked her into dropping out of the program. Curiosity is killing me!