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SD Wedding- It cauhgt me off gaurd - in a bad way

ISITJUSTME's picture

Submitted by ISITJUSTME on Mon, 06/30/2014 - 6:28pm

This issue has been bothering me for months. My BF and I are engage to be married soon. In April we went to his DD wedding and she invited me. I only went for the sole support of my BF but what a price I paid it was humiliating . The entire wedding party and guest avoided me - I even sat in a row fit for 8 people by-my-self - until my BF sat next to me. I put on a brave face and got though it but when I got home I just cried my eyes out. The BF did know what to do ? I just said I'm not going to any of the function any more, that have to do with his ex's her family and the SD . He was upset because he wants me to be there with him. We have an up coming event in September should I go ?

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oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Mon, 06/30/2014 - 6:33pm

I would. I would go and put on my classiest act. And if no one would talk to me I would take my kindle as backup and read under a tree or something like you haven't a carei n the world.

ISITJUSTME's picture

Submitted by ISITJUSTME on Tue, 07/01/2014 - 1:41pm

yes he did walk his daughter down the aisle which is his right to do so not her SD. He has been divorced for 10 years - but you'd think the divorce happen yesterday. I'm a new SM and never had to deal with these kind of issues. Thank goodness the kids live 8 hours away from us. The event is his other DD wedding. I really just don't think I can go though that again. His children do not like me and that has been obvious from the very beginning. Wouldn't you think in a normal conversation with adult you'd ask the basic questions?
The first comment made after I met them for the first time was that I put my silverware on the plate after I finish eating. What does that mean ?

ISITJUSTME's picture

Submitted by ISITJUSTME on Mon, 06/30/2014 - 6:47pm

It's another SD wedding - our reception is in 3 weeks - I was thinking of waiting -see how that goes before committing to the SD wedding in September. I brought a book last time. Didn't work out so well.
It's the same issue as lot of these post - The girls are so dang critical and they just pretend like I'm not even there. I do my best to be gone when they are around. I know they do not like me and have no interest in trying to be anything to them. But it the BF he just wants me to be there so he doesn't have to face his horrid ex alone.

ISITJUSTME's picture

Submitted by ISITJUSTME on Tue, 07/01/2014 - 1:29pm

Yes he paid part of the wedding - I'm the new person on the block I've never been a SM before. My children were invited but couldn't make the trip. I'm thinking that the aunts had loyalty to there nieces and didn't want to rock the boat with the BM. She's not a nice woman. My FDH knew everyone and was very excited to see them and show me off. But I have decided after reading all the responses that I'm not going to put myself though that again.

ISITJUSTME's picture

Submitted by ISITJUSTME on Mon, 06/30/2014 - 6:56pm

The divorce between him and the ex 10 years ago but you would think it happen yesterday the way the family reacted. Yes he did get to walk his DD down the aisle. His family showed loyalty for their nieces I guess that would be the best way to describe it. So I got the snub.

ISITJUSTME's picture

Submitted by ISITJUSTME on Tue, 07/01/2014 - 11:23am

Thanks all! Yes my DH did pay for some of the wedding. This is the first wedding for any of the girls. He didn't know where to sit. So he thought second row. It would have been better if his daughter would have given him instruction as where to sit. But that isn't really the issue. The Ex made it perfectly clear that I wasn't welcome.(even though her daughter invited me)and made sure that I felt like an intruder instead of a guest. Not one photo was taken of me and DH. It was like I wasn't even there. My DH is clueless as to what was going on and just wanted his DD to have her special day. So he was very wrapped up in the event. His Ex is a bossy mean old lady who you never want to cross paths with. She has a sharp tone and has no problems cutting anyone down. It is best to stay away from a snake like that. It is important for my DH to be with his daughters for these events but he'll have to go solo. I see no reason to attend any event of his family or his children if I can't be treated with respect. These are adult children acting out in a very immature way. There is plenty of room in my DH heart to love me and his kids there is no reason to be jealous. I will always and for ever remain the mystery women. I've never had to deal with SD's issues so I'm really new at this. This blog sight has good insight that will keep me safe and sane.

Yasadora's picture

Submitted by Yasadora on Wed, 09/03/2014 - 3:32pm

Wow this thread brought back nightmares!
The wedding of the oldest sd in my life was a hell year. I tried to be adult, take the high road and remain invisible throughout the entire year.
DH paid for the majority of it and was treaded like hell... I learned from that experience that he won't go against them but just shuts down and doesn't function. In my opinion not a good coping option because if he is getting stopped on, I'm being gutted and composted... Lol
Now that the second sd is in the process I will do some things differently .
I'm still going to be the adult in the room but I'm not taking any more bs... I just will disengage!

Your story, unfortunately is common. We, the " steps" of the world blow the illusion of the "perfect" wedding to pieces. It can't be perfect because we exist. There is not a single photo of me alone with my DH, there is one group shot in our customary and usual segregation..
Us alone, like we have the bubonic plague.

I'm not going to be compost anymore.... No fight, just disengagement .... It truly is such an amazement that so many adults can't act like
Grown ups. I didn't cause their divorce, came much later, but when it came down to the wedding we were treated so badly I think I have minor PTSD !