If I could go back in time and tell my 34 year old self, this is the advice I would give.

1) Do not marry a man with a 13 year old daughter who has been "lady of the house" and only (that she knew about) "lady in daddy's life" for seven years. Wait til the girl is older and has a life of her own. You are walking into an absolute setup.

2) Do not "assume" that because the man has been divorced seven years, you had nothing to do with that, did not even know him, it was his ex's idea and she is (we thought) happily married to her lover of the time, that there will be no trouble out of her. There will be. She has had your-soon-to-be-husband at her beck and call for seven years where the kids are concerned. She won't welcome anyone else or anyone else's children in the equation of her absolute control over him.

3) A "good daddy" is more than a weekend warrior who rolls out the red carpet when his kiddies come. A good daddy is also a disciplinarian. If that doesn't happen, if you and your children are made to understand that you are to play your role in the red carpet rolling as well (because they don't live there)... buck up. Fast. Don't go there. If he persists, he can play his red carpet games on his own at his own place and out of your lives.

More to come. I am ill at my stomach again.